Hey!
Haha I don't know why but i'm extremely happy and energized. Actually that's a lie. My bad. Lying's bad. I do know why i'm so happy =) I'm happy because i've been SOOOOOOOOOOOO crazy blessed =) like crazy. And it's just like uplifting =P i don't even know if that's the right word.
It just sounds like a nice word =) and kind of like the right one.
Last night right before I went to bed, I decided to read an encouragement note that I got yesterday from an awesome person from one of the most awesome k-cab's ever =P maybe i'm just bias bout the k-cab thing but the person really is awesome =) And I was reading it and it really just made me smile. Not just smile. But like smile inside. And sometimes it takes a lot to smile inside =) And feel warm and fuzzy. And I found out that people actually read this blog =P which is crazy because I just put it here just to ramble on and on and on but I guess that's pretty awesome =)
But anyways, I won't go into specifics about what was in the note but it was just so enouraging because it was stuff that I'd been thinking about sometime and it was just SoOoOoO inspiring =) so now i'm determined to have written at least 8 encouragement notes before this friday. Because dang son, those things give you a super warm feeling =) PTL! serious =) because it's just crazy how people who are connected in JESUS! are so like...open and connected and even if you don't talk that often it's so easy to talk. because it's just....something bout it =) It's HEAVENLY! =P
So school's been...a lot different than what I had anticipated this year to be. A lot different. So firstly, everybody I know has dropped out of photography. I am literally the only one left at my table. Today I felt kind of lonely just sitting there. And all the other tables have people and mostly full so it's like...where am I supposed to go? but we'll see. Maybe...well we'll see. Or there's nothing wrong with being lonely. Just I feel like school should be like my mission field and maybe this is a chance to get to know random people. I just need to take that step as to where the heck i'm going to sit =P but it is a little lonely. It's an interesting course though. with cameras and some painting. and some good stuff =)
But the biggest thing of school....well actually there's 2 but the one regarding subjects is like so cool =) So for the past couple days I was really wondering what I was going to do with my economics class. I REALLY wanted to drop it because i felt like i wasn't going to do ANYTHING there. Like you might learn some tidbits of economics and that's alright but I didn't feel it was somewhere that I could really fulfill God's command. So on Monday I visited the guidance counselor and she's like there's peer helping. I didn't really think much of it at the time. Because it's like an open course and I'm an AP kid. I'm so intellectually ignorant and stuck up =\ So i went out of the office hoping that being 3rd on the anthropology waiting list would somehow get me into the course.
But I went back to economics yesterday and I just...couldn't see myself doing it for a full semester. And the idea of peer helping...it was starting to actually come to my mind. Like it's not even about the mark because i probably would've gotten a higher mark in economics but it's the fact that it's something I think i've been called to do. I once was told that I had high patience while dealing with Koolskool kids. I didn't think so. But apparently other people did and so I thought I'd give it a shot. I switched today. Into peer helping. Had my first dose of it. It's crazy. In a good way =)
I walked in there and for one, the people are really nice. Like the other students were like...well there was this one girl who's done it before and so she helped me with names and stuff. And I walked in and I just couldn't believe how many special needs kids we have at the school. I mean like there's like....over 15. And a lot of them I hadn't seen before. Which makes me feel really like...disconnected with what God has commanded for me and others. Cause it's like "whatever you do for the least of these brothers of mine, you do for me" and sometimes I feel like I think that's only the people in my circle of friends who aren't as befriended but like it means ACTUALLY the other people who are looked as kind of lesser in the community. And it's just so awesome seeing the kids. Like there's this one kid who I'm not sure but he looks like he might have delayed development or something like that and he just looks so happy when people just play with him.
But it's going to be a crazy semester =) Like I was kind of like sitting in economics yesterday and I'm like "well maybe I should stay in economics, the Holy Spirit hasn't really moved me to take peer helping". And then today I remembered a line from crazy love. If our love really is true, we are to obey. Straight up obey. We don't always need some strong push. We just need to obey. And this realization is the Spirit as well =P So it's pretty funny/cool/super awesome =P AND i get to write journals as assignments =) Which is like the greatest thing. Because me and journals are like super yay =) which is why i even started a blog =P
As for the second thing from school, it's about my friends coming this Friday. They're more open than i thought. Also a little weirder. Because there was talk about flirting and that kind of thing but you know what, i'm just gonna pray that God really show them who He has. Or maybe a glimpse. Because that's enough =) well at least it is for me. But the encouragement note really put me to rest about that because you know what? it's not up to me to show them. To try to impress them or anything. They're just gonna have to accept that I love it in fellowship =) And there's 9 of em coming. Dang =P and sharon's boyfriend. Which is like....possibly awkward but whatevs =)
And the last thing I guess on my mind would be the girl thing. I haven't talked about that in a while I think but it's still here. Lingering in my mind. Kind of just....plaguing me. I really don't know what I'm going to do. Some people are telling me to tell her. But then I'm thinking of just....AHHHH so much major doubt. I need to have more faith. In God. In her. In just...everything. I feel like I need to tell her before this Friday. Because...there's just circumstances and I need to just.....release myself. I just don't want this to affect her or stress her even anything. Because i'm sure she has enough to think about =\ with school, with councils, with fellowship, with everything.
So that ends the probably longest ever post i've ever written. It's pretty long ain't it?
Actually it probably doesn't beat the first couple because those were REALLY long and took a really long time =P
P.req. : faith, and trusting that God will provide and that I'll keep taking risks for Him because I don't want a super regulated life that I can control because there's no life to that kind of life.
-Chris
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