Hey!
Wow I haven't blogged for 4 days. It feels different since I tried to blog almost everyday during VBC. It's been different for sure though. These past few days. A lot of time it seems. Also a lot of tooth pain =P My back teeth's coming out. Hopefully when it's done coming out, it'll mean I am closer to taking off my braces. Yippee yay =)
But anyways, these past days...they've been majorly full of time and full of just..well time to think. But at the same time I feel like the time I've been blessed with isn't really being put to good use. By that I mean like...I guess I feel like mostly I'm not spending a lot of my time doing devos. And just praying. And I'm also playing flash games. That's some bad news. Because i haven't really played flash games for a while since...well maybe even a year and a bit ago.
Also I guess the feeling of summer coming to an end is... kind of sad. I feel like I had so much planned for this summer. I was going to go on the roof of my house and watch the stars, I was going to finish a story, I was going to...just do a lot of things. Bike more maybe. Or just do stuff. And it seems like I've used up my whole summer doing random things. Well not random things. I should probably be really thankful for the opportunities God has given me this summer. I have grown. I did some reading. I got some thinking done. Crazy Love was really amazing. It...well it convicted me of how I live and how I'm going to live out my life this year for school and for fellowship. It's going to be awesome. And VBC was awesome. And I guess when I look at it, my summer was awesome. Maybe I didn't get to do the things I wanted. But you know, that's not how it always is. I got to do some stuff that I didn't think I'd be doing and so that's something to be thankful for =) And we started our redecoration efforts! yay =)
Today I saw my school friends again. Man it's been so long. They all look so beautiful =) And marco got taller. SOOOOO much taller. And he's got some really fobby clothing. And it's kind of intimidating being around him because well...he's pretty tall/buff/hot/intense and well he's just kind of intensely awesome =P and also I guess being around my school friends was a lot different than my church friends. I've spent my ENTIRE summer around my church friends. And they're awesome. And they're different because they're motivated by different things, their perspective's different and I guess I'm just a little afraid that I won't be able to hold my ground aganist all these....worldy things when I'm around them. Like they're great people and they have awesome hearts but I guess it's just different. Like my friend asked me today how my love interests/relationships went this summer because apparently some of them had like....summer flings. But this is the battlefield. Where God has asked me to be. And that's where I'm going to be. Because this year...well I feel like I have a lot of support this year and I can always look to my fellowship as something to ground me. And I made a pact with black gospel Sam that if any one of us becomes different during the school year, in any way that strays away from God's calling we'll be sure to tell one another. And that's I guess...keeping ourselves accountable =P
Oh so I haven't really gotten to the name of the post yet. Nobody would really get it. Cept Nat tay =P and Freddy. Supposedly during the K-cab Cellgroup, Freddy and Nat looked at my knees and said they looked like elephants. Interesting =P I don't know what that means for me and ben's leadership =P but it's a funny thing that they said that. Yesterday me and ben had to plan the program for the cell group and it was interesting. Well actually I'd planned a program before with Ben because last year they decided the GM's should plan a night. And we picked Repentance night. And we did some crazy stuff with the AV system. And it was a really big experience with lifting things up to God because it was a night with a lot of loopholes and things that could go wrong but after figuring out that I couldn't control everything and after praying about it with some other people, it went awesome. Amazing things happened that night. And not because of me. Because trust me, I didn't control the sharing or a lot of other things or the weather. But yea, it was different and interesting. And yesterday didn't have as much preparation but still it was interesting just having the experience of leading a cell group.
I'm really excited for this year. I've probably said it a lot. But still. I'm excited =) Being in a cell group with these people, spending most of my summer with these...awesome friends =) makes me really excited and pumped up for next year. And there are going to be glitches. There always are. But we're just going to have to work around them =)
I should be packing right now.
I actually don't know what to expect for this cruise. I've never been on one. It's gonna be intense. Like crazy intense because it's like buffet 24/7 and it's just going to be fun. Don't know what we're doing at each place though =P should probably look that up. But anyways, I'm also hoping to spend some more time with my sister because i'm living in a room with her and well i haven't been able to I guess talk to her about stuff for a while just because she's usually out and we don't have time for i guess just sitting down and talking. And I guess I've been meaning to talk to her about the whole girl situation. She'd probably have some good insight on that.
I guess with that whole thing...I thought I'd tell her before I went on the cruise. But I guess there's only a slim margin for that now. Maybe like 8 hours but...I don't really know. I....don't know. And so I guess I'm hoping to get some time on the cruise to think about it. and write. And I guess I'm looking forward to a break. Despite the fact that i'm missing a bunch of stuff. It'll be alright. They'll do fine without me =P I'm not that important. I love you all. Whoever's reading this.
Well this'll probably be my last blog post before I leave for the boat.
Farewell my friends.
If i perish, Sam gets my Lego collection for his future children who we were supposed to have play dates with. Sorry mate =P
-Chris
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Autumn's foreboding
Hey,
VBC's over and maybe it hasn't hit me yet and maybe it has but it's saddening. The last 2 days were pretty amazing. I should probably talk about the zoo because I don't recall having the opportunity to write about that.
So on thursday we went to the zoo and I didn't really know what to expect. At first I was really excited and this was like before the camp started and halfway through the camp I was still excited. I guess I was always excited about it but I was also scared that my kids would run away but overall it was an amazing day. Also, they said that it would have a thunderstorm that day and we prayed the day before that it wouldn't thunderstorm and it didn't. It was actually one of the hottest days ever =P Which was kind of crazy. And the kids loved it except we didn't get to see all the African animals. And Frieda was really good.
So overall it was a really great day. Except...I say this with I guess some kind of shame/regret that I was kind of distracted. Dumb eh?
But anyways, altogether it was a great day. And God was really blessing us with the kids and the weather.
The night before was our second ever K-cab meeting. And I guess the main thing that happened that night was the fact that we got our cell group leader pairings. Mine were B Wong and Nat Tay and I'm actually really excited about that. I know Nat doesn't think she can commit very well but it's nice knowing that she's in my cell group and well I"m really excited for just K-cab in general next year because it looks like it's going to be one heck of an exciting year =) Unexpected and full of surprises but awesome. And getting to know Brian and work with him seems...well just like a really great experience. Haha i seem to be using awesome, great, amazing and synonyms of those a lot. Not very descriptive =P
So proceeding onto Thursday night, I went to Destiny's for Pei Ying's goodbye party. It was the first time I've ever been to Destiny's and probably the only time I'll go in a long time. I don't know, i felt kind of antisocial in that place. I sat in the middle of the very long table and across me was Ben who I was pretty used to but like...of all the people there, I was probably the least apt at socializing. Like on my left were a bunch of girls who kind of knew each other and they seemed well...pretty into their conversation of sorts and then on the other side were like another group and so I guess...well I never really feel all to secure when I go out. I just don't do well in those situations. So I guess I felt awkward. And then I did like the dumbest thing and I spilled red bean milk tea over Cherry. And I tried to apologize and then she went into the washroom and I went outside. Later on I found out...well she didn't seem mad and I was just being dumb. And so on this walk outside I guess I was just trying to figure myself out. It was nice outside. There'd been a tornado storm earlier and a rainbow but as the sun was almost done setting there was a nice highlight against the darkening sky and out there I guess I prayed a little and maybe calmed down. I felt bad when some of them came out looking for me. But anyways, I guess when you look at it in the scheme of things, it doesn't matter all too much if I had super funs or wahtevs because that wasn't the point of the night. The point of the night was for PY and just giving her a good night before she left to Brazil. And I think she had that.
Haha it's funny how there's one more day that I have to I guess...talk about. I feel like I"m rambling and I"m not quite sure who I'm even talking to nowadays but I'm just...writing I guess. To whoever. Maybe myself ,in the future, a couple years ahead when some things have changed. No clue.
So yesterday was the last day of VBC and I guess I hadn't really thought it fully through. It was the last day with these kids. And when I think about it, it's not REALLY the last time i'll see them because i think about half my kids go to church but still, it was weird. Sabrina had left and Val was her replacement...well technically my replacement because i guess I got bumped up to crew leader but it was usually just me and 5 of the kids because Val was with Frieda most of the time. So I guess it was hard for me and I felt bad during the scavenger hunt because I wasn't really being a good crew leader. I half yelled at them a lot because I was beginning to get frustrated. And so I felt like the last day with them wasn't what it could've been and in that aspect, I was sad.
Before I get onto the night, Evelyn reminded me of something that I guess i haven't really remembered in a while. She was taking pictures with somebody's camera, I can't quite recall who's but that doesn't matter. She showed me the picture and I said it was ugly and that's when she told me something I hadn't thought of in a while. For a while it's been an on and off kind of thing where I'm just not very secure because sometimes I don't feel like I'm...very decent to look at. Like it's probably the weirdest sounding way to put it but I guess with my mom telling me that my acne is exploding on my face and just seeing other people i guess i feel insecure often and i've just let it be. She was completely serious as she said to me how dare i mock the creation of God and that I was wonderfully and fearfully made. I haven't thought of that in a while. I guess I always saw that as applying to others but not really myself. So I guess it's something to think about. and for whoever reads this. Thanks EV mak.
Closing ceremony was pretty good I guess. The skit was the funniest and probably the funnest that we've ever done because it was so relaxed. We should probably do it like that next year again. Just points of where each skit is supposed to lead instead of solid lines because then people are a lot more natural and as long as they stay in character. The song was pretty fun and I think it went well. And PY left. it was pretty awesome to just pray for her as a drama team =P and just talk a little more before she left. We'll miss her.
And I gave out the pictures I developed. Except for Frieda =\ which kind of makes me sad because I won't see her for maybe a year because i don't think she comes to church. but hopefully she will tomorrow.
And so now, I guess I don't have much to do. I actually have a plane letter to work on. Should get started on that. =)
Thanks
-Chris
VBC's over and maybe it hasn't hit me yet and maybe it has but it's saddening. The last 2 days were pretty amazing. I should probably talk about the zoo because I don't recall having the opportunity to write about that.
So on thursday we went to the zoo and I didn't really know what to expect. At first I was really excited and this was like before the camp started and halfway through the camp I was still excited. I guess I was always excited about it but I was also scared that my kids would run away but overall it was an amazing day. Also, they said that it would have a thunderstorm that day and we prayed the day before that it wouldn't thunderstorm and it didn't. It was actually one of the hottest days ever =P Which was kind of crazy. And the kids loved it except we didn't get to see all the African animals. And Frieda was really good.
So overall it was a really great day. Except...I say this with I guess some kind of shame/regret that I was kind of distracted. Dumb eh?
But anyways, altogether it was a great day. And God was really blessing us with the kids and the weather.
The night before was our second ever K-cab meeting. And I guess the main thing that happened that night was the fact that we got our cell group leader pairings. Mine were B Wong and Nat Tay and I'm actually really excited about that. I know Nat doesn't think she can commit very well but it's nice knowing that she's in my cell group and well I"m really excited for just K-cab in general next year because it looks like it's going to be one heck of an exciting year =) Unexpected and full of surprises but awesome. And getting to know Brian and work with him seems...well just like a really great experience. Haha i seem to be using awesome, great, amazing and synonyms of those a lot. Not very descriptive =P
So proceeding onto Thursday night, I went to Destiny's for Pei Ying's goodbye party. It was the first time I've ever been to Destiny's and probably the only time I'll go in a long time. I don't know, i felt kind of antisocial in that place. I sat in the middle of the very long table and across me was Ben who I was pretty used to but like...of all the people there, I was probably the least apt at socializing. Like on my left were a bunch of girls who kind of knew each other and they seemed well...pretty into their conversation of sorts and then on the other side were like another group and so I guess...well I never really feel all to secure when I go out. I just don't do well in those situations. So I guess I felt awkward. And then I did like the dumbest thing and I spilled red bean milk tea over Cherry. And I tried to apologize and then she went into the washroom and I went outside. Later on I found out...well she didn't seem mad and I was just being dumb. And so on this walk outside I guess I was just trying to figure myself out. It was nice outside. There'd been a tornado storm earlier and a rainbow but as the sun was almost done setting there was a nice highlight against the darkening sky and out there I guess I prayed a little and maybe calmed down. I felt bad when some of them came out looking for me. But anyways, I guess when you look at it in the scheme of things, it doesn't matter all too much if I had super funs or wahtevs because that wasn't the point of the night. The point of the night was for PY and just giving her a good night before she left to Brazil. And I think she had that.
Haha it's funny how there's one more day that I have to I guess...talk about. I feel like I"m rambling and I"m not quite sure who I'm even talking to nowadays but I'm just...writing I guess. To whoever. Maybe myself ,in the future, a couple years ahead when some things have changed. No clue.
So yesterday was the last day of VBC and I guess I hadn't really thought it fully through. It was the last day with these kids. And when I think about it, it's not REALLY the last time i'll see them because i think about half my kids go to church but still, it was weird. Sabrina had left and Val was her replacement...well technically my replacement because i guess I got bumped up to crew leader but it was usually just me and 5 of the kids because Val was with Frieda most of the time. So I guess it was hard for me and I felt bad during the scavenger hunt because I wasn't really being a good crew leader. I half yelled at them a lot because I was beginning to get frustrated. And so I felt like the last day with them wasn't what it could've been and in that aspect, I was sad.
Before I get onto the night, Evelyn reminded me of something that I guess i haven't really remembered in a while. She was taking pictures with somebody's camera, I can't quite recall who's but that doesn't matter. She showed me the picture and I said it was ugly and that's when she told me something I hadn't thought of in a while. For a while it's been an on and off kind of thing where I'm just not very secure because sometimes I don't feel like I'm...very decent to look at. Like it's probably the weirdest sounding way to put it but I guess with my mom telling me that my acne is exploding on my face and just seeing other people i guess i feel insecure often and i've just let it be. She was completely serious as she said to me how dare i mock the creation of God and that I was wonderfully and fearfully made. I haven't thought of that in a while. I guess I always saw that as applying to others but not really myself. So I guess it's something to think about. and for whoever reads this. Thanks EV mak.
Closing ceremony was pretty good I guess. The skit was the funniest and probably the funnest that we've ever done because it was so relaxed. We should probably do it like that next year again. Just points of where each skit is supposed to lead instead of solid lines because then people are a lot more natural and as long as they stay in character. The song was pretty fun and I think it went well. And PY left. it was pretty awesome to just pray for her as a drama team =P and just talk a little more before she left. We'll miss her.
And I gave out the pictures I developed. Except for Frieda =\ which kind of makes me sad because I won't see her for maybe a year because i don't think she comes to church. but hopefully she will tomorrow.
And so now, I guess I don't have much to do. I actually have a plane letter to work on. Should get started on that. =)
Thanks
-Chris
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Sunshine coming through the clouds like FIRE! =)
Hey
So I'm going to start off with saying that God is awesome =) Why? Cuz he's awesome.
Haha simon told me i can't explain things like that.
So i'll explain. My kids were awesome. Like no joke. AWESOME! SOLID! NO NOOB STAINS!
haha. But to be serious, for the past couple days I was praying for patience and love because the kids were starting to test the limits or moreover it was William and a couple of the boys. And I guess the exhaustion of VBC was starting to get to me and I feared that I was being inflexible.
But today it was like...the kids were just awesome. In the morning it started off with the boys running away from me because they wanted to get to the next station like super fast and I guess for some reason I was a little frustrated with that but it wasn't a big thing. And I guess as we went on, I saw so much awesomeness in my kids. The obstacle course during the games time was pretty good.
But it was mostly in the afternoon that I saw a lot of growth. Frieda was especially good today =)
And Tiffany talked. Like actually. I love Dom =) He was one on one-ing with her the whole afternoon and that was really good because she got more attention and like somebody to talk to and it was really amazing seeing her talk =)
I wish I could say more but I have to sleep but I just wanted to say it was awesome. And K-cab was...well that's a whole other story =)
-Chris
So I'm going to start off with saying that God is awesome =) Why? Cuz he's awesome.
Haha simon told me i can't explain things like that.
So i'll explain. My kids were awesome. Like no joke. AWESOME! SOLID! NO NOOB STAINS!
haha. But to be serious, for the past couple days I was praying for patience and love because the kids were starting to test the limits or moreover it was William and a couple of the boys. And I guess the exhaustion of VBC was starting to get to me and I feared that I was being inflexible.
But today it was like...the kids were just awesome. In the morning it started off with the boys running away from me because they wanted to get to the next station like super fast and I guess for some reason I was a little frustrated with that but it wasn't a big thing. And I guess as we went on, I saw so much awesomeness in my kids. The obstacle course during the games time was pretty good.
But it was mostly in the afternoon that I saw a lot of growth. Frieda was especially good today =)
And Tiffany talked. Like actually. I love Dom =) He was one on one-ing with her the whole afternoon and that was really good because she got more attention and like somebody to talk to and it was really amazing seeing her talk =)
I wish I could say more but I have to sleep but I just wanted to say it was awesome. And K-cab was...well that's a whole other story =)
-Chris
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
fresh like rain
Hey
So I haven't written in a couple days and VBC second week is happening and I should really be getting myself together and writing because a lot of things happen.
I'll keep it short because I should really spend more time sleeping.
This week for VBC, it's been kind of a switching. A lot of my kids are beginning to open up =)
it was actually REALLY great because like the girls started talking.
yesterday we played spider spider mantis which is like duck duck goose but since we're spider mantis, well yea =) and we heard tiffany talk for the first time. Like audibly. Usually we just ask her yes or no questions and she just nods but we heard her say spider and today she didn't really talk but it's alright because she's smiling a lot more now =)
and it's great when they smile because you feel like they're having fun and it just energizes you to do more.
This week there were also a couple more complications.
Yesterday the kids were rowdy. Like intensely rowdy and William started acting up like pushing our limits but otherwise it's been pretty decent. I feel like I'm not a very fun counsellour and I need to be more flexible in just what I let the kids do but be firm at the same time.
So I'm just praying that I can draw this love from God and also that I can just see this camp as only 3 more days to show these kids how much we love them and not 3 days left.
Goodnight
-Chris
So I haven't written in a couple days and VBC second week is happening and I should really be getting myself together and writing because a lot of things happen.
I'll keep it short because I should really spend more time sleeping.
This week for VBC, it's been kind of a switching. A lot of my kids are beginning to open up =)
it was actually REALLY great because like the girls started talking.
yesterday we played spider spider mantis which is like duck duck goose but since we're spider mantis, well yea =) and we heard tiffany talk for the first time. Like audibly. Usually we just ask her yes or no questions and she just nods but we heard her say spider and today she didn't really talk but it's alright because she's smiling a lot more now =)
and it's great when they smile because you feel like they're having fun and it just energizes you to do more.
This week there were also a couple more complications.
Yesterday the kids were rowdy. Like intensely rowdy and William started acting up like pushing our limits but otherwise it's been pretty decent. I feel like I'm not a very fun counsellour and I need to be more flexible in just what I let the kids do but be firm at the same time.
So I'm just praying that I can draw this love from God and also that I can just see this camp as only 3 more days to show these kids how much we love them and not 3 days left.
Goodnight
-Chris
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Standstill
Hey
So I'm not quite sure what's going on with me right now.
It seems I have a lot on my mind but I don't know what to do with it all. And it's as if I'm just wasting my time around.
Today was Sunday service and I was part of the congregation for once in a while. Like I haven't really been a part of the congregation without any kind of job and it was interesting today. The message was different. I wasn't quite sure it would apply to me. Like I guess I could give in terms of the money my parents give me but it's a little less applicable.
And I messed up during children worship and I guess in general this whole morning I felt so out of it. Like...I just wasn't connected to anything.
Tomorrow's the first day of VBC skits and I just feel so...lost. Right now.
My team's awesome. But I don't feel like much a leader. Much of anything really.
I haven't been keeping up with God lately. I want to talk to Him but I find every time I begin, something pops up.
And with my friends I feel like I haven't kept up with them. I'm not a very good accountability partner. And just...I feel like msn is starting to become less and less...i don't know. I'm not talking to a lot of people. And I want to. I just can't...find them. And I'm kind of scared because if they asked me how I would be doing...I'd tell them to the same thing. And I'd get pretty whiny and it'd just be the same thing over and over again.
I don't know what I should be doing.
I should probably make more signs.
So I will....hopefully.
I'm writing pretty depressingly aren't I?
I'm sorry.
I'm excited to see my kids tomorrow. That's something.
I'm excited to go to the farm.
And I'm hoping...that right now as I'm about to leave, that I can spend some time with God.
There's so much doing that I've lost sight of where I'm going.
And so right now, today, i had a day where I didn't do very much. But there's stuff to do.
like the final ceremony skit.
But I need to pray before anything.
so maybe i'll keep up with this later
farewell
-Chris
So I'm not quite sure what's going on with me right now.
It seems I have a lot on my mind but I don't know what to do with it all. And it's as if I'm just wasting my time around.
Today was Sunday service and I was part of the congregation for once in a while. Like I haven't really been a part of the congregation without any kind of job and it was interesting today. The message was different. I wasn't quite sure it would apply to me. Like I guess I could give in terms of the money my parents give me but it's a little less applicable.
And I messed up during children worship and I guess in general this whole morning I felt so out of it. Like...I just wasn't connected to anything.
Tomorrow's the first day of VBC skits and I just feel so...lost. Right now.
My team's awesome. But I don't feel like much a leader. Much of anything really.
I haven't been keeping up with God lately. I want to talk to Him but I find every time I begin, something pops up.
And with my friends I feel like I haven't kept up with them. I'm not a very good accountability partner. And just...I feel like msn is starting to become less and less...i don't know. I'm not talking to a lot of people. And I want to. I just can't...find them. And I'm kind of scared because if they asked me how I would be doing...I'd tell them to the same thing. And I'd get pretty whiny and it'd just be the same thing over and over again.
I don't know what I should be doing.
I should probably make more signs.
So I will....hopefully.
I'm writing pretty depressingly aren't I?
I'm sorry.
I'm excited to see my kids tomorrow. That's something.
I'm excited to go to the farm.
And I'm hoping...that right now as I'm about to leave, that I can spend some time with God.
There's so much doing that I've lost sight of where I'm going.
And so right now, today, i had a day where I didn't do very much. But there's stuff to do.
like the final ceremony skit.
But I need to pray before anything.
so maybe i'll keep up with this later
farewell
-Chris
Saturday, August 15, 2009
My Saviour Loves, He Lives
Hey
So I haven't written for 3 days. I think. Something along those lines.
The past 3 days have been kind of hectic but I'll try to recount them as best I can. I guess I have a lot to write right now. A lot in my head that kind of feels like it needs to be put down somewhere. Or said. In some fashion.
So Thursday.
Thursday was a pretty awesome day. A hard day. But still awesome =)
It was the day of the evangelical message and it was pretty tough getting my kids to sit down and listen to the message because a lot of them seem to know it already. And they took the explanation sheet =P So it was pretty cute watching them answering our questions with words out of the sheet. But yea, that's what I mainly remember from the day itself.
As I was leaving after a day of VBC and some drama practice, I saw Katy leaving with her dad and she's usually really shy, partly because she doesn't have the best understanding of english and also she's just small and shy but that day as I was leaving, she said bye to me. And it was with the cutest smile and most adorable face =)
and as I unlocked my bike she got the car window down just to say bye to me again =)
and that I guess was just breathtakingly amazing. Because for one, she never talks and she's really begun to open up. Now that I look at it, on friday, she said her rolecall number. Which is awesome. Usually people wouldn't think it's awesome.
But it is =) because usually we have to call 4 and she just raises her hand. And she's so excited everyday it makes me feel like they're really enjoying it. Which makes us enjoy it =)
Thursday was also our first K-cab training day kind of thing. And the biggest thing for me was kind of seeing how it would go and I was really excited because I'm really excited for k-cab this year because it just seems like the greatest thing. And there's a couple worries that float in my head in terms of k-cab but generally I'm excited. So on Thursday at our first meeting, we were paired up with accountability partners. And mine is Jeffrey.
He might actually be reading this. But I might as well be honest. I guess I was at first surprised and I felt kind of uncomfortable. But I'm kind of looking forward to it. Because this is something different. Something I'm going to have to work at. And that's good. Because all the things that are worth it are things that we have to work at. Real hard. And so i'm excited and yet still struggling with it kind of with God but I'm kind of beginning to understand why God planned it out like this.
That's a general wrap up of Thursday. Onto Friday.
Friday was the pool day. I guess the whole day I was kind of waiting up to the pool because well...it seemed pretty exciting going to the pool with my kids =) It was. One or two things that were kind of strange and kind of made me feel...maybe that's for another time. But it was mostly really good.
I guess when you think about it, it was fast. The fact that a whole week has passed. Half of it's gone. Just...gone. And it's kind of sad in a way because I tend to think about each day as it goes by with a mindset of kind of getting to the next station and having fun with the kids but at the end of it all I guess i'm sad because it feels like it's actually been really short.
I'm excited for this following week.
Fellowship yesterday was also pretty awesome. We did worship outside. It felt...bold I guess but not even bold but it felt so natural. Worship outside purely acoustic with everyone kind of like doing whatever they wanted like sway or clap or whatever and it felt so...easy. Like there was no AV to worry about and it was just so much more simple. But I felt kind of weird when I was running around playing the sports and sweating like mad. I guess I felt kind of weird in the fact that I wasn't really talented in the sport and yet I was being a little crazy. And I was probably really sweaty. =\ But I met someone new. And it's probably the first new person I've never met before that I talked to more than a simple introduction. It was pretty awesome. Ryan's cool =) Won't add him on Facebook though. Not at this point. And probably because I just don't go on facebook anymore.
After fellowship I walked to Simon's house to put down his guitar and then we walked to Steph's house. For the sleepover. That we've been planning for a while kind of.
So while we walked we talked. And I guess it was something that I needed to talk about but didn't know how. And thank God that I have awesome brothers. I guess I talked mainly about the whole girl issue. And I haven't come to a solid conclusion. I haven't. I kind of wondered a lot about it today.
I guess i'm going to have to tell her. I owe it to her. I do. I just don't know what I'm going to do. Because well...I should. And she probably kind of already knows anyway.
The sleepover was pretty cool. Not what I expected. Sad that the night went by so fast. And the afternoon kind of passed fast. But it was nice seeing everyone sleeping. So peaceful. As if there wasn't a care in the world. While the world spun around and 6 billion people were living their lives.
And in terms of God I've been feeling kind of empty in terms of that. Just like the fact that VBC has been really draining and I haven't been able to spend as much time as I'd like. I'm actually going to go in like 5 minutes so that I can try to spend however much time I want on devos. I feel like I haven't talked to God in a while. Like talked. Just about. And it's different from talking to Sam or simon but it could be just as if not more amazing.
And so I conclude here
It's been a while since I posted
So i made a super long post =)
hopefully I can keep it up.
There's a lot to do. But that's alright.
Goodnight
-Chris
So I haven't written for 3 days. I think. Something along those lines.
The past 3 days have been kind of hectic but I'll try to recount them as best I can. I guess I have a lot to write right now. A lot in my head that kind of feels like it needs to be put down somewhere. Or said. In some fashion.
So Thursday.
Thursday was a pretty awesome day. A hard day. But still awesome =)
It was the day of the evangelical message and it was pretty tough getting my kids to sit down and listen to the message because a lot of them seem to know it already. And they took the explanation sheet =P So it was pretty cute watching them answering our questions with words out of the sheet. But yea, that's what I mainly remember from the day itself.
As I was leaving after a day of VBC and some drama practice, I saw Katy leaving with her dad and she's usually really shy, partly because she doesn't have the best understanding of english and also she's just small and shy but that day as I was leaving, she said bye to me. And it was with the cutest smile and most adorable face =)
and as I unlocked my bike she got the car window down just to say bye to me again =)
and that I guess was just breathtakingly amazing. Because for one, she never talks and she's really begun to open up. Now that I look at it, on friday, she said her rolecall number. Which is awesome. Usually people wouldn't think it's awesome.
But it is =) because usually we have to call 4 and she just raises her hand. And she's so excited everyday it makes me feel like they're really enjoying it. Which makes us enjoy it =)
Thursday was also our first K-cab training day kind of thing. And the biggest thing for me was kind of seeing how it would go and I was really excited because I'm really excited for k-cab this year because it just seems like the greatest thing. And there's a couple worries that float in my head in terms of k-cab but generally I'm excited. So on Thursday at our first meeting, we were paired up with accountability partners. And mine is Jeffrey.
He might actually be reading this. But I might as well be honest. I guess I was at first surprised and I felt kind of uncomfortable. But I'm kind of looking forward to it. Because this is something different. Something I'm going to have to work at. And that's good. Because all the things that are worth it are things that we have to work at. Real hard. And so i'm excited and yet still struggling with it kind of with God but I'm kind of beginning to understand why God planned it out like this.
That's a general wrap up of Thursday. Onto Friday.
Friday was the pool day. I guess the whole day I was kind of waiting up to the pool because well...it seemed pretty exciting going to the pool with my kids =) It was. One or two things that were kind of strange and kind of made me feel...maybe that's for another time. But it was mostly really good.
I guess when you think about it, it was fast. The fact that a whole week has passed. Half of it's gone. Just...gone. And it's kind of sad in a way because I tend to think about each day as it goes by with a mindset of kind of getting to the next station and having fun with the kids but at the end of it all I guess i'm sad because it feels like it's actually been really short.
I'm excited for this following week.
Fellowship yesterday was also pretty awesome. We did worship outside. It felt...bold I guess but not even bold but it felt so natural. Worship outside purely acoustic with everyone kind of like doing whatever they wanted like sway or clap or whatever and it felt so...easy. Like there was no AV to worry about and it was just so much more simple. But I felt kind of weird when I was running around playing the sports and sweating like mad. I guess I felt kind of weird in the fact that I wasn't really talented in the sport and yet I was being a little crazy. And I was probably really sweaty. =\ But I met someone new. And it's probably the first new person I've never met before that I talked to more than a simple introduction. It was pretty awesome. Ryan's cool =) Won't add him on Facebook though. Not at this point. And probably because I just don't go on facebook anymore.
After fellowship I walked to Simon's house to put down his guitar and then we walked to Steph's house. For the sleepover. That we've been planning for a while kind of.
So while we walked we talked. And I guess it was something that I needed to talk about but didn't know how. And thank God that I have awesome brothers. I guess I talked mainly about the whole girl issue. And I haven't come to a solid conclusion. I haven't. I kind of wondered a lot about it today.
I guess i'm going to have to tell her. I owe it to her. I do. I just don't know what I'm going to do. Because well...I should. And she probably kind of already knows anyway.
The sleepover was pretty cool. Not what I expected. Sad that the night went by so fast. And the afternoon kind of passed fast. But it was nice seeing everyone sleeping. So peaceful. As if there wasn't a care in the world. While the world spun around and 6 billion people were living their lives.
And in terms of God I've been feeling kind of empty in terms of that. Just like the fact that VBC has been really draining and I haven't been able to spend as much time as I'd like. I'm actually going to go in like 5 minutes so that I can try to spend however much time I want on devos. I feel like I haven't talked to God in a while. Like talked. Just about. And it's different from talking to Sam or simon but it could be just as if not more amazing.
And so I conclude here
It's been a while since I posted
So i made a super long post =)
hopefully I can keep it up.
There's a lot to do. But that's alright.
Goodnight
-Chris
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Starlight Starbright, Won't you shower me tonight?
Hey
So tonight there's supposed to be a super cool meteor shower tonight. haha i just said tonight twice =P
But yea, I don't think i've ever seen one before and I'm pretty excited. So right now i'm writing, waiting for the sky to turn darker and for the stars to come out so that I can go watch them.
Today was awesome. And also...awkward and also something to reflect on.
I should probably start with the awesome part =)
because the awesome part is always...well it came chronologically first so yea =)
VBC today was awesome. Haha I was super stoked for the bowling so I came with high expectations or some intense excitedness already built up.
And this morning the kids seemed a lot better because they were all pretty excited as well =)
Frieda was even better this morning. She was with her brother during singspiration and then they hugged afterwards so it was pretty awesome and she was well behaved.
I guess it's good to realize that they're not really bad, just have a short attention span and that they're actually really smart =)
well actually i knew that about them already
So it's getting late.
I ended up just watching the stars
I came back by the way =P
So since I have very little time I'm just going to talk about VBC today.
Today's VBC was pretty awesome. The most awesome time would be the most awesome time for anything. Travel time =)
On the bus, the trip going I went with Felix and he ended up sleeping on me. Which was really cute =)
and then on the way coming back i sat with William who's really talkative and he ended up sleeping on me too =P
Overall I'd love to explain more but sadly i have to go and sleep. but it was an awesome day. Absolutely awesome =)
And i really hope to see the kids continue to grow with each other and also see how they live with me =P
Goodnight
-Chris
So tonight there's supposed to be a super cool meteor shower tonight. haha i just said tonight twice =P
But yea, I don't think i've ever seen one before and I'm pretty excited. So right now i'm writing, waiting for the sky to turn darker and for the stars to come out so that I can go watch them.
Today was awesome. And also...awkward and also something to reflect on.
I should probably start with the awesome part =)
because the awesome part is always...well it came chronologically first so yea =)
VBC today was awesome. Haha I was super stoked for the bowling so I came with high expectations or some intense excitedness already built up.
And this morning the kids seemed a lot better because they were all pretty excited as well =)
Frieda was even better this morning. She was with her brother during singspiration and then they hugged afterwards so it was pretty awesome and she was well behaved.
I guess it's good to realize that they're not really bad, just have a short attention span and that they're actually really smart =)
well actually i knew that about them already
So it's getting late.
I ended up just watching the stars
I came back by the way =P
So since I have very little time I'm just going to talk about VBC today.
Today's VBC was pretty awesome. The most awesome time would be the most awesome time for anything. Travel time =)
On the bus, the trip going I went with Felix and he ended up sleeping on me. Which was really cute =)
and then on the way coming back i sat with William who's really talkative and he ended up sleeping on me too =P
Overall I'd love to explain more but sadly i have to go and sleep. but it was an awesome day. Absolutely awesome =)
And i really hope to see the kids continue to grow with each other and also see how they live with me =P
Goodnight
-Chris
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Spider Mantis! Hoo Haa! =)
Hey
So yesterday, I didn't really get to explain very much so I'm hoping I can spend a little more time typing today. Kind of got distracted yesterday =P
So yesterday's name of the post was head count and clump. Haha they're each something we told the kids to do and it was amazing what came out of it. Head count's basically where we scream out "HEADCOUNT!" and they number themselves off and they're supposed to form a straight line. Haha we usually do it just to grab their attention and make sure they're all here because we have some crazy wanderers. And yesterday when we first did it, it was pretty awesome watching them =P
Of course they're not perfect at it by any means but it's cute and hopefully it continues to work. Today it was a little less effective.
And Clump was just something really cute =) So we were playing the toilet paper wrap game where they're supposed to wrap in toilet paper and travel across the gym together. So we told them to clump and they all just hugged each other in this amazingly cute bundle. And they were like "Can we have the toilet paper now? we're getting tired?" and it was absolutely adorable. I wish I had taken a picture. But it'll hopefully be in my head for a while =)
It's good. That God has these memories in me to remember. Because on days like today where the kids were pretty rowdy, I'm able to have patience and love because I remember how awesome these kids can be. =)
Today was a little more rowdy. Frieda and Felix started wandering around like ALOT. haha during lunch I couldn't get Felix stay with the group. I guess for games time I was little upset because Felix told me and Sabrina to go away. And he actually like said it. And he really doesn't talk very much. But he seemed alright afterwards. Kind of. Hopefully he's more excited tomorrow.
And today I realized that even though they might not be the most excited looking kids, they're still excited. Why? Because this morning I asked Tiffany who's a pretty quiet kid if she was excited for the day. She shook her head. Better than most shake of the heads =) and she smiled. Slightly. And that was probably the most awesome part of my morning =)
Because knowing that your kids are excited...well it makes you feel pretty awesome because it's like you're doing SOMETHING right =)
Today's post title is named after our team/cheer =P
so William wanted spider. 2 more wanted Praying mantis. Our original idea was dragonfly but the air group took that SO we made a SUPER HYBRID! =)
Haha gotta like appease the children so that's what we did.
TOMORROW'S BOWLING! =)
it's exciting =P
And so I should probably update on something that's not VBC =P
you know, seeing as I do have about 5 hours afterwards everyday =)
For the past couple of days I've been reading Mark and i'm at this one verse. It's when Jesus sends out the Twelve disciples and tells them that they don't really need anything. It's in Mark 6. And it's got me kind of thinking .Because often i find that when we minister or when we preach we use other things to help us and sometimes we use them like crutches. Like sometimes we think we NEED a band or we NEED a certain thing but I guess this verse has made me think that I don't really need anything. Well it's not really me, it's the fact that God's telling me I don't need anything. And maybe this is something I'm struggling with. But it's something I hope i'll come to think about for a while because it's important.
And I hope she's alright. Because well...she seemed kind of sad and cluttered today.
Thanks
-Chris
So yesterday, I didn't really get to explain very much so I'm hoping I can spend a little more time typing today. Kind of got distracted yesterday =P
So yesterday's name of the post was head count and clump. Haha they're each something we told the kids to do and it was amazing what came out of it. Head count's basically where we scream out "HEADCOUNT!" and they number themselves off and they're supposed to form a straight line. Haha we usually do it just to grab their attention and make sure they're all here because we have some crazy wanderers. And yesterday when we first did it, it was pretty awesome watching them =P
Of course they're not perfect at it by any means but it's cute and hopefully it continues to work. Today it was a little less effective.
And Clump was just something really cute =) So we were playing the toilet paper wrap game where they're supposed to wrap in toilet paper and travel across the gym together. So we told them to clump and they all just hugged each other in this amazingly cute bundle. And they were like "Can we have the toilet paper now? we're getting tired?" and it was absolutely adorable. I wish I had taken a picture. But it'll hopefully be in my head for a while =)
It's good. That God has these memories in me to remember. Because on days like today where the kids were pretty rowdy, I'm able to have patience and love because I remember how awesome these kids can be. =)
Today was a little more rowdy. Frieda and Felix started wandering around like ALOT. haha during lunch I couldn't get Felix stay with the group. I guess for games time I was little upset because Felix told me and Sabrina to go away. And he actually like said it. And he really doesn't talk very much. But he seemed alright afterwards. Kind of. Hopefully he's more excited tomorrow.
And today I realized that even though they might not be the most excited looking kids, they're still excited. Why? Because this morning I asked Tiffany who's a pretty quiet kid if she was excited for the day. She shook her head. Better than most shake of the heads =) and she smiled. Slightly. And that was probably the most awesome part of my morning =)
Because knowing that your kids are excited...well it makes you feel pretty awesome because it's like you're doing SOMETHING right =)
Today's post title is named after our team/cheer =P
so William wanted spider. 2 more wanted Praying mantis. Our original idea was dragonfly but the air group took that SO we made a SUPER HYBRID! =)
Haha gotta like appease the children so that's what we did.
TOMORROW'S BOWLING! =)
it's exciting =P
And so I should probably update on something that's not VBC =P
you know, seeing as I do have about 5 hours afterwards everyday =)
For the past couple of days I've been reading Mark and i'm at this one verse. It's when Jesus sends out the Twelve disciples and tells them that they don't really need anything. It's in Mark 6. And it's got me kind of thinking .Because often i find that when we minister or when we preach we use other things to help us and sometimes we use them like crutches. Like sometimes we think we NEED a band or we NEED a certain thing but I guess this verse has made me think that I don't really need anything. Well it's not really me, it's the fact that God's telling me I don't need anything. And maybe this is something I'm struggling with. But it's something I hope i'll come to think about for a while because it's important.
And I hope she's alright. Because well...she seemed kind of sad and cluttered today.
Thanks
-Chris
Monday, August 10, 2009
Headcount! Clump! =)
Hey
Today was the first day of VBC and it was absolutely...stunning. =)
I promised I'd try to write during the actual camp and I'm kind of glad that I will. It's really great thinking about how awesome the kids are. =)
So the name of this post might seem pretty weird eh?
But they're my most fond memories of today. haha and it's just today.
It was amazing just seeing the progression today and seeing how much the kids evolved and opened up in just one day.
So at the beginning of the day, I was sitting there at my bin and I was really nervous because I didn't know what to expect. And this part was actually the most nerve racking from what I remember of last year. Last year I was sitting there and my kids would come in and I would have no clue what to say.
It was kind of like that this year. Except I didn't even have my crew leader. So there I am, feeling kind of inadequate because the assistant beside me is so much more pro than me. Just cause she is. =) Haha
So the first kid came and she didn't really talk and neither did the second. And so I had a bunch of kids with me and I was kind of really scared because I was trying to start some conversations through asking them questions but they didn't really reply. And I was thankful that like the 3rd kid was pretty talkative and I was...well encouraged I guess.
So when my crew leader came, there was one more kid and she was like quite the diva but I'll talk about that later. =P
So I was scared leaving the gym and going to Bible activity that I'd have a super quiet, awkward group but I went into Bible Study and it was pretty fun because some of the kids called each other like weird food items. Like I was Chocolate Milk Chris. And somebody else was hamburger =P
But yea, by lunch time I was having fun with them and there were awkward moments where I was trying to talk to somebody and they just stared back at me.
Oh and the name of my kids...
Freida:
Felix:
William:
Katy:
Tiffany:
Nathan:
I'll talk more about them later as it's getting late. But I'm absolutely thrilled to go again tomorrow =P and it's an amazing experience because they're the sweetest things ever. Well maybe not all of them =P but it's just so awesome because I thought i'd be distracted but...well i'm not really because the kids are just that awesome =)
will post soon =P
Bye
-Chris
Today was the first day of VBC and it was absolutely...stunning. =)
I promised I'd try to write during the actual camp and I'm kind of glad that I will. It's really great thinking about how awesome the kids are. =)
So the name of this post might seem pretty weird eh?
But they're my most fond memories of today. haha and it's just today.
It was amazing just seeing the progression today and seeing how much the kids evolved and opened up in just one day.
So at the beginning of the day, I was sitting there at my bin and I was really nervous because I didn't know what to expect. And this part was actually the most nerve racking from what I remember of last year. Last year I was sitting there and my kids would come in and I would have no clue what to say.
It was kind of like that this year. Except I didn't even have my crew leader. So there I am, feeling kind of inadequate because the assistant beside me is so much more pro than me. Just cause she is. =) Haha
So the first kid came and she didn't really talk and neither did the second. And so I had a bunch of kids with me and I was kind of really scared because I was trying to start some conversations through asking them questions but they didn't really reply. And I was thankful that like the 3rd kid was pretty talkative and I was...well encouraged I guess.
So when my crew leader came, there was one more kid and she was like quite the diva but I'll talk about that later. =P
So I was scared leaving the gym and going to Bible activity that I'd have a super quiet, awkward group but I went into Bible Study and it was pretty fun because some of the kids called each other like weird food items. Like I was Chocolate Milk Chris. And somebody else was hamburger =P
But yea, by lunch time I was having fun with them and there were awkward moments where I was trying to talk to somebody and they just stared back at me.
Oh and the name of my kids...
Freida:
Felix:
William:
Katy:
Tiffany:
Nathan:
I'll talk more about them later as it's getting late. But I'm absolutely thrilled to go again tomorrow =P and it's an amazing experience because they're the sweetest things ever. Well maybe not all of them =P but it's just so awesome because I thought i'd be distracted but...well i'm not really because the kids are just that awesome =)
will post soon =P
Bye
-Chris
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Cluttered Mind
Hey
So I guess I haven't written in a couple of days. About 3. I think =)
It was a strange post, the one i did a couple days ago.
I guess it was very....haha intense?
It's funny I'm not quite sure who will ever read this. So I guess this is more of my own little outlet and thoughts than really for anyone else. Which is good. =)
Which is why I've decided that I'm going to try to stick to one blog. Rather than 2. Because if i'm going to be discreet on one of them, there's really no point to writing 2 posts about relatively the same thing. Cool =)
So yea, since I last wrote, it seems to have gotten a lot better. I guess in terms of my family it's been going....really well. Praise Jesus! =) Ahaha. It's like something Sam would say.
But seriously, I'm thankful that for the most part, it's been going really smoothly. And I don't regret really talking about it like that the last time i wrote. Because that's how i felt at the time. And I guess I 'll probably feel it again at some point in my life. And if it's real, I guess I don't regret it because the whole point of this blog was to be able to just say whatever I wanted to say.
So I guess the pressing issue now...well actually there's two. It's like somehow there's always multiple ones. Which I guess keeps my life..moving =P
The first would have to be VBC.
It's tomorrow!
Haha i've been asking people if they're excited for the past while and I say i'm excited and I am. Truly. I just don't think it's hit me yet.
The intensity of it. The fact that tomorrow morning at like 9 i'm going to have kindergarten kids coming up to me and sitting beside me.
Intense. ly fun =)
So i'm really excited for VBC.
And i'm also nervous. As I am for anything that i'm doing. Haha Arts Cafe.
I guess i'm nervous about just meeting the kids. Like they're going to be absolutely awesome but as like JK and SK kids I guess i'm scared i'll be a bad crew leader or i'll be really distracted. I guess I'll touch more on the latter one afterwards.
And also my drama team's been a little on the iffy side. Like I love the people in it. It's a little different from last year I guess because it's so diverse in it's people. Like we have drama veterans, fresh drama meat and non-christians. And I guess that kind of threw me off.
But I guess I shouldn't worry about it because they're gonna be awesome. Absolutely awesome =)
I'll try to write during VBC. But I'll probably be DEAD TIRED! =P
But I'm glad. Absolutely thrilled that I've been blessed with this opportunity. Because it is an opportunity right? To be in the presence of such amazingly innocent and awesome children =)
And now onto the probably most problematic issue for me. And yet it's the most recurring. Remember how I mentioned I was scared of being distracted during VBC?
I think the first post I ever wrote, I talked about this. The girl.
I guess this past week or so I've been thinking of it a little more. Maybe it's because I'm not being at an Arts Cafe practice everyday. Which doesn't fully make sense. Because of well...anyways.
But I guess it's been on my mind a lot.
I actually typed up like 3-4 more paragraphs about this but the blogger kind of messed up on me and I guess i'll try retyping it again. But it'll be different I guess.
So last night at dinner I realized...I'm not really fun. And I guess by fun I mean I probably won't poke you if you poke me or I can't joke around and maybe playfully push you or just...carry on a casual conversation. Some people might think I'm comfortable but I think that's only when I'm maybe screaming or being obnoxious or just being ridiculous but when it comes time for me to just talk with someone...I'm always awkward. I always find myself just floating around sometimes after service because I don't know who to talk to and what to talk about. I'm not very social. And when I realize this and think about it....I remember that this is something I have to let pass. Because there's no other thing to do about it. Because she's just so...much more than I am. And i know it sounds like the dumb sterotypical thing. But I mean when I look at her, like I can barely talk to her...
And so I guess that's how it's going with that right now. I've been thinking about it more. Thinking about it for the past week. past while. past year.
And I think something that I'm wrestling with is God in this situation. Like I guess I've been praying about it for a while now. And I haven't seen like this concrete kind of answer or maybe an answer at all. It's kind of been scattered and I guess this is maybe why I'm struggling. Because i don't know where to go and what to do. And it scares me because it is distracting. Sometimes I find myself indirectly thinking about her out of the blue and i feel...messed up. Maybe that's not the right word. But it's what I can come up with now. I was talking to a friend about this and she asked me if I was feeling all this because I "liked" a girl and I guess it was. It's weird. But that's just how it is right now. So I guess that's the basic gist of that.
I guess the last paragraph and the couple before it make my life seem kind of on the lower side of things. But it isn't. I'm actually really excited. Despite the fact that I'm probably going to get distracted, despite the fact that I'm going to feel extremely awkward, I'm still excited =). There's going to be a lot happening during these 2 weeks. And I guess I'm kind of expecting a lot to happen. But God can do amazing things. I just hope I continue to see them and just thank Him and also do devos.
And so that's probably the wrap up of my second time writing this post =P
kind of funny how i have to write it twice. =)
And for the random posts with the girl Lisa, they're part of a story I was inspired to randomly write because I have an amazing writer as a friend. Tragic stories, but absolutely breathtakingly amazing. So I don't know where it's going to go in terms of plot but...we'll see =)
And that's the end of this SUPER long post =)
Thanks
-Chris
So I guess I haven't written in a couple of days. About 3. I think =)
It was a strange post, the one i did a couple days ago.
I guess it was very....haha intense?
It's funny I'm not quite sure who will ever read this. So I guess this is more of my own little outlet and thoughts than really for anyone else. Which is good. =)
Which is why I've decided that I'm going to try to stick to one blog. Rather than 2. Because if i'm going to be discreet on one of them, there's really no point to writing 2 posts about relatively the same thing. Cool =)
So yea, since I last wrote, it seems to have gotten a lot better. I guess in terms of my family it's been going....really well. Praise Jesus! =) Ahaha. It's like something Sam would say.
But seriously, I'm thankful that for the most part, it's been going really smoothly. And I don't regret really talking about it like that the last time i wrote. Because that's how i felt at the time. And I guess I 'll probably feel it again at some point in my life. And if it's real, I guess I don't regret it because the whole point of this blog was to be able to just say whatever I wanted to say.
So I guess the pressing issue now...well actually there's two. It's like somehow there's always multiple ones. Which I guess keeps my life..moving =P
The first would have to be VBC.
It's tomorrow!
Haha i've been asking people if they're excited for the past while and I say i'm excited and I am. Truly. I just don't think it's hit me yet.
The intensity of it. The fact that tomorrow morning at like 9 i'm going to have kindergarten kids coming up to me and sitting beside me.
Intense. ly fun =)
So i'm really excited for VBC.
And i'm also nervous. As I am for anything that i'm doing. Haha Arts Cafe.
I guess i'm nervous about just meeting the kids. Like they're going to be absolutely awesome but as like JK and SK kids I guess i'm scared i'll be a bad crew leader or i'll be really distracted. I guess I'll touch more on the latter one afterwards.
And also my drama team's been a little on the iffy side. Like I love the people in it. It's a little different from last year I guess because it's so diverse in it's people. Like we have drama veterans, fresh drama meat and non-christians. And I guess that kind of threw me off.
But I guess I shouldn't worry about it because they're gonna be awesome. Absolutely awesome =)
I'll try to write during VBC. But I'll probably be DEAD TIRED! =P
But I'm glad. Absolutely thrilled that I've been blessed with this opportunity. Because it is an opportunity right? To be in the presence of such amazingly innocent and awesome children =)
And now onto the probably most problematic issue for me. And yet it's the most recurring. Remember how I mentioned I was scared of being distracted during VBC?
I think the first post I ever wrote, I talked about this. The girl.
I guess this past week or so I've been thinking of it a little more. Maybe it's because I'm not being at an Arts Cafe practice everyday. Which doesn't fully make sense. Because of well...anyways.
But I guess it's been on my mind a lot.
I actually typed up like 3-4 more paragraphs about this but the blogger kind of messed up on me and I guess i'll try retyping it again. But it'll be different I guess.
So last night at dinner I realized...I'm not really fun. And I guess by fun I mean I probably won't poke you if you poke me or I can't joke around and maybe playfully push you or just...carry on a casual conversation. Some people might think I'm comfortable but I think that's only when I'm maybe screaming or being obnoxious or just being ridiculous but when it comes time for me to just talk with someone...I'm always awkward. I always find myself just floating around sometimes after service because I don't know who to talk to and what to talk about. I'm not very social. And when I realize this and think about it....I remember that this is something I have to let pass. Because there's no other thing to do about it. Because she's just so...much more than I am. And i know it sounds like the dumb sterotypical thing. But I mean when I look at her, like I can barely talk to her...
And so I guess that's how it's going with that right now. I've been thinking about it more. Thinking about it for the past week. past while. past year.
And I think something that I'm wrestling with is God in this situation. Like I guess I've been praying about it for a while now. And I haven't seen like this concrete kind of answer or maybe an answer at all. It's kind of been scattered and I guess this is maybe why I'm struggling. Because i don't know where to go and what to do. And it scares me because it is distracting. Sometimes I find myself indirectly thinking about her out of the blue and i feel...messed up. Maybe that's not the right word. But it's what I can come up with now. I was talking to a friend about this and she asked me if I was feeling all this because I "liked" a girl and I guess it was. It's weird. But that's just how it is right now. So I guess that's the basic gist of that.
I guess the last paragraph and the couple before it make my life seem kind of on the lower side of things. But it isn't. I'm actually really excited. Despite the fact that I'm probably going to get distracted, despite the fact that I'm going to feel extremely awkward, I'm still excited =). There's going to be a lot happening during these 2 weeks. And I guess I'm kind of expecting a lot to happen. But God can do amazing things. I just hope I continue to see them and just thank Him and also do devos.
And so that's probably the wrap up of my second time writing this post =P
kind of funny how i have to write it twice. =)
And for the random posts with the girl Lisa, they're part of a story I was inspired to randomly write because I have an amazing writer as a friend. Tragic stories, but absolutely breathtakingly amazing. So I don't know where it's going to go in terms of plot but...we'll see =)
And that's the end of this SUPER long post =)
Thanks
-Chris
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Sunburst
The soft plucking of a guitar stirred inside Lisa something that had long been dormant inside her fragile body. Her eyes fluttered open and instantly she felt exhausted, her extremities limp, pale at her sides. Trying to look around, she noticed the wires that stretched around her body. Machinery whirred and chirped around her bed, unaware that their host had awoken.
Lisa's eyes searched dreamily for the source of the melody. It was nearby, as if right beside her, but her body felt foreign and distant as she tried to move. Slowly, a head emerged in her line of vision, a man with short, wispy hair, sitting with his back towards her. He seemed oblivious to her awakening. His shape seemed familiar, as if from another time before it had all happened. Suddenly remembering the events prior to her unconsciousness, she let out a small gasp.
The man's hand suddenly stopped moving and the guitar slid gently to the floor, landing with a soft pang. Lifeless, it deflected the sunlight into a bursting arraying around the room.
Lisa's eyes searched dreamily for the source of the melody. It was nearby, as if right beside her, but her body felt foreign and distant as she tried to move. Slowly, a head emerged in her line of vision, a man with short, wispy hair, sitting with his back towards her. He seemed oblivious to her awakening. His shape seemed familiar, as if from another time before it had all happened. Suddenly remembering the events prior to her unconsciousness, she let out a small gasp.
The man's hand suddenly stopped moving and the guitar slid gently to the floor, landing with a soft pang. Lifeless, it deflected the sunlight into a bursting arraying around the room.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Tunnel with an Immeasurable Distance from the Light
Hi
I don't quite know what the title is about. But i guess i just don't feel so great right now. I don't really know what i'm doing. Writing this blog. I should probably be praying. hard.
Right now, I'm struggling with a couple things. This morning I woke up and it was only one thing. One small thing when i put it light of everything else. But when i woke up it seemed to kind of be ridiculously enlarged. That was pretty selfish of me. Pretty selfish.
So for the past couple of days I've been setting off on little bike excursions and wrestling with the idea of girls. It's weird. And it sounds pretty trippy. I know. It actually sounds kind of dumb. Everytime i tell someone or write about it. I feel dumb. I guess maybe it's because it's weird talking about it because i haven't fully come to terms with it or i don't know what i'm doing anymore. I guess for the past...months i've been trying to let it go. Or rather let it pass. And i've been wrestling with God because i'm really not sure what he wants me to do. And i feel kind of ashamed that it's become such a distraction. That i can't properly serve in ministries or that I just can't spend enough time with God.
Feels kind of like a loop. It pops up from time to time. And almost every time, I feel kind of messed up. Well usually it's pretty messed up. To be honest.
This morning I woke up to the sound of yelling. I'm still not quite sure if I should be putting this up on a blog which i probably gave at least 10 people the URL to. But I guess it's a little late now eh? And maybe this is what it means to have faith and trust. I guess i'm letting my mind just guide my fingers and i'm not even going to bother being mysterious or what not.
Right now. At this moment. I'm struggling with the fact that my parents are fighting. Again. And maybe they've fought to the point where I become numb to it once in a while. But tonight it was different. I sat there watching them, trying to sort it out and finding that I couldn't. And the things that they said were....they didn't seem real. Or they did. But i just haven't computed it yet. Like you always think it's something solid right? that they're always gonna stick through it.
I know people who have parents that are broken up. It happens to a high number of the population. But i'd never expect it in my own household. And I guess it hasn't hit that point. But it's pretty broken.
Which is why I should be praying. hard. because there's nothing else i really know how to do. I don't know how many people might read this blog. Maybe one day someone will stumble upon it. But for now. I guess this is just for me. To put it somewhere. Not to jam it inside some corner of the most desolate part of my heart. But to write it. So that at least it's somewhere.
And if you could do me a favor...could you pray for me? whoever's reading this. I wonder if you believe in God. And if you do...would you please pray for me?
It sounds kind of selfish doesn't it?
I'm sorry.
Thank you. For reading this I guess. For taking time. For listening. If you've gotten to this point. Thank you.
-Chris
I don't quite know what the title is about. But i guess i just don't feel so great right now. I don't really know what i'm doing. Writing this blog. I should probably be praying. hard.
Right now, I'm struggling with a couple things. This morning I woke up and it was only one thing. One small thing when i put it light of everything else. But when i woke up it seemed to kind of be ridiculously enlarged. That was pretty selfish of me. Pretty selfish.
So for the past couple of days I've been setting off on little bike excursions and wrestling with the idea of girls. It's weird. And it sounds pretty trippy. I know. It actually sounds kind of dumb. Everytime i tell someone or write about it. I feel dumb. I guess maybe it's because it's weird talking about it because i haven't fully come to terms with it or i don't know what i'm doing anymore. I guess for the past...months i've been trying to let it go. Or rather let it pass. And i've been wrestling with God because i'm really not sure what he wants me to do. And i feel kind of ashamed that it's become such a distraction. That i can't properly serve in ministries or that I just can't spend enough time with God.
Feels kind of like a loop. It pops up from time to time. And almost every time, I feel kind of messed up. Well usually it's pretty messed up. To be honest.
This morning I woke up to the sound of yelling. I'm still not quite sure if I should be putting this up on a blog which i probably gave at least 10 people the URL to. But I guess it's a little late now eh? And maybe this is what it means to have faith and trust. I guess i'm letting my mind just guide my fingers and i'm not even going to bother being mysterious or what not.
Right now. At this moment. I'm struggling with the fact that my parents are fighting. Again. And maybe they've fought to the point where I become numb to it once in a while. But tonight it was different. I sat there watching them, trying to sort it out and finding that I couldn't. And the things that they said were....they didn't seem real. Or they did. But i just haven't computed it yet. Like you always think it's something solid right? that they're always gonna stick through it.
I know people who have parents that are broken up. It happens to a high number of the population. But i'd never expect it in my own household. And I guess it hasn't hit that point. But it's pretty broken.
Which is why I should be praying. hard. because there's nothing else i really know how to do. I don't know how many people might read this blog. Maybe one day someone will stumble upon it. But for now. I guess this is just for me. To put it somewhere. Not to jam it inside some corner of the most desolate part of my heart. But to write it. So that at least it's somewhere.
And if you could do me a favor...could you pray for me? whoever's reading this. I wonder if you believe in God. And if you do...would you please pray for me?
It sounds kind of selfish doesn't it?
I'm sorry.
Thank you. For reading this I guess. For taking time. For listening. If you've gotten to this point. Thank you.
-Chris
Fire
Her auburn hair traced the pale, gray sky as she stared blankly back at the smoldering rubble in front of her. Just an hour ago, the walls had been filled with a child's pure laughter, chiming as the family gathered in the living room. Tears dripped down her barren face, intertwining with the streams of acid rain that collided with the embers that still burned. As the fire died down, disappearing into the night, so did her heart.
A hand pulled her toward the ambulance and without opposition she followed it. She couldn't take her eyes off the house, still imagining the smell of freshly roasted turkey and her husband's green eyes staring back. Her knees gave away as she approached the bench, suddenly becoming aware of the heavy scars that the rubble had etched into her skin.
Pain shot through her veins and she gave a cry.
For a moment she thought she heard a familiar voice beside her, screaming "Lisa are you alright?"
Her brain incapable of thinking, she nodded her head; an automatic response. More hands gripped her shoulders and she found herself staring into a light. It danced from side to side, reminding her of the chandelier that had hung from the ceiling. Closing her eyes to avoid the lights, she slowly gave into the pain that had hung loosely like a blanket over her body. A small cry brought her back to her senses for just a moment. Her maternal instincts surfaced and then faded with the overpowering sense of exhaustion. She could feel the light flitter of her heart begin to slow down...
A hand pulled her toward the ambulance and without opposition she followed it. She couldn't take her eyes off the house, still imagining the smell of freshly roasted turkey and her husband's green eyes staring back. Her knees gave away as she approached the bench, suddenly becoming aware of the heavy scars that the rubble had etched into her skin.
Pain shot through her veins and she gave a cry.
For a moment she thought she heard a familiar voice beside her, screaming "Lisa are you alright?"
Her brain incapable of thinking, she nodded her head; an automatic response. More hands gripped her shoulders and she found herself staring into a light. It danced from side to side, reminding her of the chandelier that had hung from the ceiling. Closing her eyes to avoid the lights, she slowly gave into the pain that had hung loosely like a blanket over her body. A small cry brought her back to her senses for just a moment. Her maternal instincts surfaced and then faded with the overpowering sense of exhaustion. She could feel the light flitter of her heart begin to slow down...
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Time...
Hey
So i couldn't quite come up with a title for this post because it's a mix of rambling, thanking and just...random ranting =)
Last night was KNA Arts Cafe and it was amazing because so much happened that was because of God and not because of our own abilities because i know our hearts were all racing ridiculously at 7:30.
But it happened. It happened and it was beautiful. And it was just amazing seeing everything come together and how amazing He works.
For myself, I guess I wasn't feeling so well beforehand. I was a mix of emotions. A lot of emotions. I was kind of sad because I hadn't fully attended all the practices and I'd gone after volunteering at camp and at times it felt half-hearted, like i didn't deserve to be part of the skit or whatnot because i didn't have my heart into it.
And i guess i also felt kind of...lonely?
I guess when we were preparing I didn't feel like I really belonged. Like I never was a very sociable person and so I didn't feel like I fit in really well amongst the PET people or the musical people or the UHS people. Kind of like a drifter.
And I was nervous. Why? Partly because I was going to do this in front of people and i really didn't want to mess up PY's really brave sharing and also i guess...sadly girl issues.
But I guess God really used that and showed me that I'm not really alone and Tim gave a quick "pep talk" before we all hit the stage and I was reminded that it wasn't about me. And it was encouraging and also convicting and so in the end, everything just kind of flowed from one to the other.
I guess I'd like to explain more. To talk more about how am I right now. But I have to go. But i'm glad I typed enough about Arts Cafe. It was really....awesome =)
-Chris
So i couldn't quite come up with a title for this post because it's a mix of rambling, thanking and just...random ranting =)
Last night was KNA Arts Cafe and it was amazing because so much happened that was because of God and not because of our own abilities because i know our hearts were all racing ridiculously at 7:30.
But it happened. It happened and it was beautiful. And it was just amazing seeing everything come together and how amazing He works.
For myself, I guess I wasn't feeling so well beforehand. I was a mix of emotions. A lot of emotions. I was kind of sad because I hadn't fully attended all the practices and I'd gone after volunteering at camp and at times it felt half-hearted, like i didn't deserve to be part of the skit or whatnot because i didn't have my heart into it.
And i guess i also felt kind of...lonely?
I guess when we were preparing I didn't feel like I really belonged. Like I never was a very sociable person and so I didn't feel like I fit in really well amongst the PET people or the musical people or the UHS people. Kind of like a drifter.
And I was nervous. Why? Partly because I was going to do this in front of people and i really didn't want to mess up PY's really brave sharing and also i guess...sadly girl issues.
But I guess God really used that and showed me that I'm not really alone and Tim gave a quick "pep talk" before we all hit the stage and I was reminded that it wasn't about me. And it was encouraging and also convicting and so in the end, everything just kind of flowed from one to the other.
I guess I'd like to explain more. To talk more about how am I right now. But I have to go. But i'm glad I typed enough about Arts Cafe. It was really....awesome =)
-Chris
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