Standstill

Hey

So I'm not quite sure what's going on with me right now.
It seems I have a lot on my mind but I don't know what to do with it all. And it's as if I'm just wasting my time around.

Today was Sunday service and I was part of the congregation for once in a while. Like I haven't really been a part of the congregation without any kind of job and it was interesting today. The message was different. I wasn't quite sure it would apply to me. Like I guess I could give in terms of the money my parents give me but it's a little less applicable.
And I messed up during children worship and I guess in general this whole morning I felt so out of it. Like...I just wasn't connected to anything.

Tomorrow's the first day of VBC skits and I just feel so...lost. Right now.
My team's awesome. But I don't feel like much a leader. Much of anything really.
I haven't been keeping up with God lately. I want to talk to Him but I find every time I begin, something pops up.
And with my friends I feel like I haven't kept up with them. I'm not a very good accountability partner. And just...I feel like msn is starting to become less and less...i don't know. I'm not talking to a lot of people. And I want to. I just can't...find them. And I'm kind of scared because if they asked me how I would be doing...I'd tell them to the same thing. And I'd get pretty whiny and it'd just be the same thing over and over again.
I don't know what I should be doing.

I should probably make more signs.
So I will....hopefully.

I'm writing pretty depressingly aren't I?
I'm sorry.

I'm excited to see my kids tomorrow. That's something.
I'm excited to go to the farm.
And I'm hoping...that right now as I'm about to leave, that I can spend some time with God.

There's so much doing that I've lost sight of where I'm going.
And so right now, today, i had a day where I didn't do very much. But there's stuff to do.
like the final ceremony skit.

But I need to pray before anything.
so maybe i'll keep up with this later
farewell

-Chris