Time to Remember what's Really Important

Hey

So I guess I haven't really written in a while. So much for writing everyday. But I guess that's what's nice about blogs. They're always sitting here for you. Not always. Just...most of the time and for a couple years probably.

These past couple days have been kind of hectic in a sense. Today was the first experience of being extremely burned out. In a while at least.

I've had Summer Institute volunteering for the past 3 weeks or so and it's pretty good and good experience just being there and learning the experience of a non-christian camp. I guess it's given me a different perspective. It's also showed me what it's really like to let go of the world's views in front of others. Like it was a struggle and it still kind of is to pray before lunch in front of random volunteers and just to find time to stay connected. Took a short run this morning though. It was break. The air's fresh. Without the sun beating hard on your back. So it's better.

But I came home today from baseball at SI and i had to go to drama practice really fast. So I guess for me that was really stressful and i wasn't able to rest very much and at the practice we had to rush a video for the rules. And i wore a piece of female clothing. And for that period of time i felt so....weird. Well i felt kind of negative about myself . Kind of like I was the biggest fool ever. Why? Partly because of what's been happening for some time now =\ For those of you know who know what i'm talking about...it's the thing i've mentioned before that hasn't really gone away.

And then i had to leave before it all ended.

And so i guess i'm stuck in this place right now where i know i need to let go. I can't fight the hands that are trying to guide me anymore. And i can't seem to fully grasp the concept of grace right now and how i don't really have to be ashamed. And it doesn't matter what other people think. What one person thinks. That latter one is hard to let go of. But i'm going to have to.

Sam showed me a song recently. A line really touched me.

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough

- By your side by Tenth Avenue North

And so I guess i'm kind of at a point of my life where i just need to release and i need to let go. I don't material things. I need to live. I need to love. I need God. I need to let it all go. And only then will I get some real glimpse of life.

Goodnight friends.
-Chris