The Unforced Rhythms of Grace

farewell? for now

2010-01-17T14:49:00.000-08:00

so continuously posting in 2 blogs just doesn't seem to be right.

so i'll stick with the wordpress until further notices

http://theunforcedrhythmsofgrace.wordpress.com/

sorry it's not a link =P
just copy and post

where do we go from here?

2010-01-14T18:07:00.003-08:00

Hey

So this is my first official post from wordpress. And just as a sidenote, I do agree with py, the double spacing is kind of mad annoying because it takes up a lot of room and what not but it’s alright.

Today my mom talked to me at dinner about my plans for the summer and although it was casual I could catch the hints of “don’t spend too much time at church”. And I get where she’s coming from. My sister told me to widen my horizons and I get that. And it’s still possible to serve God anywhere not matter where I am for the summer. Haha I can serve God without knowing the 2nd law of thermodynamics =)

I think I really felt called to go on a missions trip this year. Somewhere where it’ll break everything I know. Somewhere different and away from home and away from comfort and away from all the temptations of being lazy. Just me, God, His word, and His work to be done. And I guess Manitoba was what I had in mind. For a while now. I don’t know how much it’ll be or what time it is. But I want to go. But it needs prayer. Alot of it. Because right now. It’s I want to go. And that might be completely different from where God wants me to go. But it’s something that’s been on my mind for a while and I know it’ll take a relative chunk out of my summer because of the training and the trip itself.
There’s the notion of a job. And I’m not sure if that’s where I belong. Like I love doing stuff and all and I don’t mind working but I don’t want to be consumed by work to the point where I can’t effectively spend time with cell group and family and friends. Because I’ve seen that happen and sometimes when I try to plan stuff, some people can never make it because of work.

I guess when it comes down the core of it all, it’s definitely something I need to lift to God. There’s some many things that I could do. But maybe it’s not what I’m meant to do. So for now it’s up in the air and in prayer. Until after exams, that’s when I’ll sit down and begin planning. and by planning i mean sitting and praying and reading Acts. =)

Yesterday we all spent some time together and I love seeing them on Wednesdays but I feel like it hasn’t been really….God filled. you know what I mean? It’s always consumed by side conversations and I watch the time and I hope we can get everything done by like 8:45 but it never appears that it gets that and maybe for once we should just go into the prayer room. And leave the distractions and computers and just sit and pray because that’s essentially the whole purpose of meeting up anyways.

Fellowship tomorrow. Drifting Wood. Accountability with C. Excited =)

p.requests:
- not worrying about the exams that are coming and to just focus on God, family and keeping up with friends
- not to become busy to the point of losing focus. my focus is God. that’s it. and that’s all it’ll ever need to be.

thanks
-Chris

maybe now

2010-01-14T17:37:00.000-08:00

So I'm going to try something out

we'll see how it goes right?

http://theunforcedrhythmsofgrace.wordpress.com/

welcome to the ridiculously intense looking world of wordpress.
oh dang snap.

may God use it for His purposes

your grace extends to call me friend

2010-01-12T18:03:00.000-08:00

Hey

So i'll keep it short because i need to get back to calculus but it's felt like a pretty monotone 2 days. I guess it's not necessarily a sign that it's been a bad 2 days but more like it's kind of more quiet and calm compared to last week. I think a lot of my focus is now geared toward school and not just the academics but the people who I've seemed to lose contact with last week because I was never home and I didn't have a lot of time to talk with them.

I guess there's a lot of things that God's subtly teaching me through school and I'm glad that it's a little slower and that I can have some quiet time during my school day to spend with God, even if that time's a couple minutes during lunch praying. I'm also really trying to evaluate myself on my complaining and godless chatter.

Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life

- Philippians 2:14-16

Avoid godless chatter, because those who indulge in it will become more and more ungodly.

- 2 Timothy 2:16

It's so easy for me to become tempted to talk about nonsense and even gossip when I'm not surrounded by believers and it's something I've been trying to think about this week. Also, with the complaining I can feel myself do it sometimes, to my friends about some course that I'm actually not doing bad in or about tests that I actually don't mind and it's sometimes because maybe there's nothing else to talk about or to extend a conversation.

And these past couple of days I feel like I've forgotten the immensity of the first commandment that Jesus gave to us.

He answered: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'

- Luke 10:27

I feel like I've forgotten what all means. I feel like I've been loving God with my heart, keeping Him in mind. But not all my heart. I yearn for Him and want to spend that time in devotions with Him, but it's hard to tell sometimes whether he's at the top of my list or not. And I know that it's going to be impossible as long as I'm human and as long as I sin but I'm praying for discipline and that heart.

My post feels scattered all over the place. Overviews without specifying kind of like drawing pictures without shading them in and leaving them full of blanks. And maybe that's okay because maybe I don't even know what's going on fully. I know that God'll reveal to me what his will is as it goes on. I just pray i'm listening and looking. Looking forward to tomorrow. It's been a week. Sometimes I feel like that's too long.

p.requests:
- heart to yearn after God above everything else

thanks
-Chris

shine a light, lead me home

2010-01-09T18:53:00.000-08:00

Hey

So I guess it's kind of over. The week of hectic madness, of amazing prayer meeting, of late nights and lifting insurmountable things to God. Not quite sure if I even used that word in it's proper context.

I realized beginning Friday that I'd been so worried about getting things wrong and losing timing and forgetting things that I forgot the purpose of the whole night. The whole night wasn't based around performances. In the end it didn't even seem like that. It was based around love. God's sacrificial love. And I knew that I needed to be filled with it first before doing anything because it'd be completely useless if I did it perfectly but had no love.

If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. - 1 Corinthians 13:2

Up to the very last minute before the night began I was doing something, running around and I could feel myself being pulled all over the place. The last prayer meeting I guess was something that I'd heard a lot. It's said at every giant massive event but it's true nonetheless.

The whole night, the first hour it was a rush. I guess it was a lot of "get on stage now! wait get the mics! are you ready? i'm not ready. let's do this" and I really forgot to pray in the critical moments like that but praise God that He hears the Spirit praying for me. Spoken Word, it went alright I think. We all hit our cues just about and I hope it started the night off with some thought. Skit I used Jake and Ryan simultaneously because well..i got nervous. We ended up finishing a lot earlier than anticipated but that's alright. Dance, it went a lot smoother than i thought it would. Did some of the steps a little off and kicked the ball off but recovered. And overall after all that, I was glad it was over. I just wanted to sit down. To stop it all. Or at least stop myself. I wanted to stop and spend some time with God and I was just glad that the first half of the night was over.

The counselors had their individual testimonies and it was interesting and convicting. Some more than others. Learning to put God first. I've been so focused on WTF, with school all over the place this week and as much as I know i need to do devos and as much as I'm singing worship songs under my breath during school, it's still not the same. It's still not the same focus. And that's something I really need to focus on now. I've wanted to spend a day with God for a long time now. Just a day of sitting there with God and the Bible and praying and reading and praying and reading and memorizing Scripture and letting it pierce through me.

I don't know why. My heart feels heavy right now. I told myself to finish the family worship skit but I feel like just sitting down in my room alone and just to break myself down and to go to the core of everything. I need to be broken. And i can feel myself leaving a state of brokenness. When our sight is fixed on the approval of man and not of God it becomes different. Yesterday we went to Destiny and parts of it were alright and other parts I felt oddly out of place. I never feel at ease at places like that. Kind of like expensive drinks and just an atmosphere with some secular music and late nights. It feels artificial, kind of fake. People go out to have a good time but inside, they could be hurting, they could be tired, they could be putting on a mask. I guess that's why I don't love really like fancy stuff like that. Raw park nights, nights sitting on a hardwood floor talking and laughing together, praying in a car. There's so much in this world that we shouldn't be doing. And i guess this is a time for me to evaluate myself. To find my priorities and rearrange them. And put God first. I don't want to live my life any other way.

I'm glad I got to talk to some people yesterday and just learn about how they were doing even if it was for just a couple of short minutes. I miss seeing my cell group too. I saw parts of them yesterday and I was in such a rush I didn't get to talk to them and I miss seeing us all together and it's just such an amazing opportunity and experience that God has given to me. and it's so humbling being in a cell group and when they blow your mind.

Sorry i'm terribly scrambled this entire post because my mind's floating all over the place.

Some big things on my mind. I want to go on missions this year. Manitoba. And i really want to go. But that's just ME. I don't know if God wants me to go and so it's something to pray about. TC, i'm worried about it taking up so much time. every saturday. 3 hours. 4 including driving time. I'm not going to semi, i don't belong in that kind of environment. I guess it kind of mimics Destiny's. that kind of feel. the emptiness. the fakeness. the people full of passions that mean nothing. people filled with false understandings of love.

Yesterday a friend asked me about the girl. I haven't mentioned that in a while. I was going to in the new year post but it got a tad long. So it seems that it's kind of faded out. I still see her and I want to get to know her more and I want to talk with her and whatnot but I don't think that's the characteristics of liking someone. I think that's the characteristics of wanting to befriend somebody. And maybe that's what it was all along but nobody knew how to classify it every time i talked about it.

So here comes the end of my post of scattered thoughts and of blunt rhythms.

p.requests:
- priorities. God. prayer. family. friends. school.
- trust in the Lord and to give my life to Him. Oh how easily we say that. Do we really know what it means?

-Chris

His love endures forever

2010-01-06T20:27:00.000-08:00

Hey

You know there's a whole like chapter in Psalms with "his love endures forever" every other line?

I think that's pretty amazing =)

I haven't blogged in a while and I guess it's mainly because I haven't been home to blog. It's been WTF practices...everyday. I realized that I've seen like Steph and PY almost everyday since Wednesday. And for at least 3 hours. And I guess I've been feeling pressure not from school but with being with my family. I don't want to spend so much time at church. I love spending time with my church family and having amazing experiences and times but I also want to be home, helping out, spending time with my sister, hanging clothes. Essentially being part of the family and participating.

Tonight we had prayer meeting. And it was beautiful. At first I was like...."uh just the 6 of us?" but in the end it didn't matter how many people we had. We talked a lot about random stuff in the first hour and a half and then we got into a time of prayer and God, thank you for my amazing brothers and sisters. Praying was just beautiful. There was this kind of urgency in our voices and it was uplifting having others pray around me for me like that. And there's honestly so much to praise God for. And it seems like WTF's gone really well the last couple of days all things considering but it's only really because God provides. There's been so many complications and yet we've able to overcome all of them.

And I realized it's a wednesday and it was just 4 of us in the end and I was glad that there was time for silence and just a little bit of instrumental and it helped me not rush back into anything and just to think about what I prayed for and the things to come. Reminded me of rooftop. one day a long time ago =) That God's love really does last forever. Thank you.

p.requests:

- diligence and that when I do WTF stuff that I do it with the intention of praising God.

-Chris

time God time God time God GOD

2010-01-03T18:19:00.000-08:00

so much
so little time
with Family
with everything

God I don't want to be so consumed by DOING everything that I don't FEEL the true impact of it all
I want this WTF to teach me and remind me just as much as everyone else
I don't want to be too busy
I'm sorry for not saying no
for letting this week become so hectic.

and above all else
above school
above any WTF practice
I pray that I can spend time with you
real time

somebody once told me that you can't be spiritually drained from doing too many things
you get physically drained doing that
spiritually drained is when you don't spend time with God.

pray for me?

i have a reason to worship

2010-01-02T15:24:00.000-08:00

Hey

I spent New Years in my family and I guess it didn't feel that amazingly crazy and special. I was with a bunch of aunts and uncles because all their kids had stuff to do =P and I guess seeing so many people downtown and around the world who are screaming because it's a happy moment. I wonder if it's because this year didn't go so well for them. If they're hoping that this year will somehow be better because it's...a fresh start. but isn't that everyday?

For the past two days it feels like I've been consumed with school work. Finishing the work that I failed to get done the rest of the break and as much as i'm happy that i'm basically done everything, I feel like i've missed alot these past couple of days. By miss a lot I mean i'm not fully in conversations, I'm not fully engaged with people when I talk to them and stuff like WTF seems to shrink although it still needs a lot of work. And i'm scared that i'm sectioning off parts of my day into God-centered and not God centered.

I was just reading a friend's blog post and it makes me want to yearn for God all the more because there's so much pain in the world and there's just nothing else in this world worth having.
yesterday I learned about the Spirit or rather I was taught about it through a book. It's crazy isn't it? Our God who is Holy sent his Spirit to live in us. And the Spirit's a person. And it has a plan. And it feels emotions. It grieves when our lives aren't in tune with God. Shouldn't that sadden us?
When I was reading it yesterday it was so crazy and yet it makes sense doesn't it? Jesus went back up to Heaven so that the Spirit could be with us. In us. Counselling us.
Shouldn't that amaze us?

p.requests:
-as I go back to school to not fall prey to overbusyness but to continue to focus on God throughout my day

thanks
-Chris

have you stopped to see the icicles turn into puddles?

2009-12-31T18:58:00.000-08:00

One year ago, at about this time, I was talking to an amazing friend and I remember I was worried. I was worried about what would happen this year. I was worried about the changes I would take. If I'd change for better or for worse. She told me I could worry up to the 31st but in the new year, no more worrying.

This year, I welcome the new year with excitement. There's reflection as it's kind of proper to reflect on a whole year. But that's kind of hard isn't it? Reflecting on 365 days. I think to be honest I only remember about 30 that would be like actually vivid in my head. Maybe more =P VBC is at least 10 days.

I don't think I'll come up with a list. I'd be terrible at those =). And so I will write in paragraphs. As is customary to me I guess.

Firstly I think the most important is God and my relationship with Him. I think last year at exactly this time, that wouldn't be what's on my mind. It'd be something like school or a girl or something that's not God. That in itself is amazing. It makes me joyful to know that I've grown in Christ. To know that everyday my experiences are shaping me to become more God-driven and trusting in Him. And so for this next year I guess it's about breaking free. Breaking free from complacency and really living a life worthy of the calling that I have. And also to really delve into His word. I'm glad that this year was more on spiritual discipline. Learning to consistently pray and do devos and trying to give everything up to Him. I'm excited for how I grow this year. In my faith. I got baptized just like a week and a bit ago and I guess now I'm considered a spiritual baby and...now i need to be nourished =)

Fellowship up next? In grade 10 I had Escape as my cell group and although it wasn't like the ideal cell group, I think I really learned alot. I learned about serving. About yearning for a real group of believers that could fellowship together. I learned about kind of helping out with a cell group. Sending out emails. You know that sort of stuff =) And i guess that prepared me for this year. And the trainings we had. I really loved those. And I remember the night when me and Ben had to lead =P It was pretty jokes. It got a lot better and it was just a great experience to have k-cab meet together so consistently at the beginning of the year =) Loved it. And I'm blessed with Drifting Wood =) It's absolutely amazing. I know I say it all the time. Everytime I come home on Friday I can say God's moved in some way, shape or form within our cell group. Accountability partner time, personal time with people, group discussions or just being able to meet up with the cell group leaders beforehand. And this new year, I'm excited for it =) Meeting up with Chung and the other cell group leaders sounds like it's just gonna be awesome. I think a lot of us share the same sentiments. On the cell group. I know for sure that Nat Tay and Chung share it because we've talked before and I know that Brian and Calvin have good experiences with their accountability partners. It just makes me smile thinking about Drifting Wood and how they never cease to amaze me =) Thank you God.

Fellowshiping in general this year? I'm glad that we've gotten back to meeting up on Wednesday. We kind of stopped meeting up early last year but we did have a sleepover and for that I'm thankful. VBC team this year was...different. Some more new people. Some of the oldies. It was still good times but I guess it just wasn't the same. But it was really interesting having non-christians. And I still remember one of the girls saying that if they became Christian one of the reasons would be because of the VBC skit team. That really showed me how God builds up experiences to lead to something. I love the accountability group and I pray that we continue to meet up. For the past while it's just been the 3 of us but still it helps build up our friendship and sometimes even though we don't deep talk we still bond and it's good knowing that I can always share whatever burdens I have with them. And even though we haven't hit the rooftop in a while I've realized that fellowshipping doesn't reside with a location, but with people. I know it's obvious =P But it's something I think i fully realized.

Family I think has really grown within the past couple of months. I guess starting with the whole breast cancer struggle and just spending time with my parents and missing my sister. I also realized the real immensity of my parents not being Christian and the urgency of that because I don't want to one day end up in Heaven and not have them there as well. I'm also beginning to really find a place in helping out around the house. And yesterday I experienced a kind of eagerness that I hope to continue to do.

School. haha well I got the principal award for grade 10 but probably not for this year. But I'm really enjoying most of my subjects. peer helping, bio, photography. Math is a lesson. That i need to start getting caught up with the math homework and I can't depend on my own intellect anymore. I think a big thing is my friends from school. I haven't hung out with them alot and I feel myself slowly drifting away from them. Maybe not drifting but it's not growing. Like it's at a kind of stand still. It's almost as if with most of them I can't find a lot of things to say because my life revolves around God so much but they aren't Christian and wouldn't really understand. But I've invited them to fellowship and church a couple times and so far...they've come twice =) and hopefully they'll come to WTF. But with them I can also feel myself not being as selective as I was before. I don't really have any grudges with any of them and I'm able to talk to them all the same. Well most of them. I'm still working on it.

I think that comes to the end of our reflection time. That isn't all of it but it's the stuff I remember for now =P
I guess serving in general this year has been really great. AV is time consuming but it's allowed me to get to know a lot of people. VBC was amazing again. The children. Bugs 1 =) Nathan, William, Frieda, Katy, Tiffany, Felix. writing them down so i don't mix them up with my teacup 5s =P SI was an adventure. It was interesting. It was less friendship and less bonding with my fellow volunteers but it was still fun. And I loved biking everyday for volunteering. That's a pretty good deal =) Ride for Refugees was intense =) Thighs of steel, giant green farming machines, Sam Gu, Valenti and like 4 hours of intensity =) Retreat was amazing again. A different experience but the candle light sharing was as amazing as ever. Arts Cafe was amazing serving with PY and being a part of her story and just being blessed to hear it and to be inspired by it. And it's a year of the blogs =P I'm always reading people's blogs. There's....10 tabs that auto come on when i turn on opera. I agree with PY, why facebook when you have blogs =) Thanks EvMak, Simon and others for continuing to inspire me with your own lives and how God's working in your lives =)

So really things for the now. These things that people call resolutions. I just call them goals =P And goals are continually changing and being developed. How strange that we only make goals at the beginning of a year. A lot can happen in a year =)
- That i grow in God. That's the first priority for this year. Because it's become the center of my life and I'm glad that it has.
- Grow in my friendships. Keep others accountable. Learn to cope with different types of people and love them all the same.
- Diligent in school and at home and not lazy.
- Willing to go wherever He takes me =)

thanks for reading this ridiculously long post =P
-Chris

yo there's too much rage and not enough ranch =P

2009-12-31T16:27:00.000-08:00

Hey

So just cleaned up from the sleepover that happened last night and well it made me glad =) The cleaning and the sleepover itself.

I guess to start it off, i was really nervous. And a little tired =P The WTF dance practice had been intense and before that was the skit meeting and it was kind of a low turnout and I guess that worried me. Also, today they changed the topic of the skit so we have to rewrite but to be honest, I think the new topic is a lot better for hitting things home. Like it can be so impactful. And so I pray God would use us who are writing and directing and participating in the skit. That even with our imperfections, we can show those who walk into our church the amazing love that was shown to them.

And the WTF dance....it's intense and really awesome looking but I pray that not only that we get the message across. That the message gets across us. If we don't get it. How can the people watching us?

The sleepover ended up going...differently than I had thought it would go but I guess it proves a lesson. It was fun. There's no denying that. It was beautiful spending time with such amazing people. Steph, simon, val, py and the addition of nelson =P We had like 3 movies. None of them crazy boy, war movies which I'm glad for. There was some Disney Sing It and it was super jokes because I thought we'd wake my parents because they were singing SO loudly =P and the songs were like songs I wouldn't usually be singing. But I guess when you're not singing it for the lyrics it's better. We did get to talk. But it wasn't for very long. And it was when Vincent called. It was great how we all got into that mood of seriousness and we each talked about our prayer requests and what we were struggling with. But after that, for the majority of the remainder of the night it was mostly fun and bonding time. And I love that all the same but I guess I was hoping we could go into more depth but I'm thankful for all of them. Enchanted was really sweet and I guess I haven't watched it in a while and it was cute watching it again. I ended up spending silent devo time. And I thank God for it. It was like 3 in the morning but I still had energy and it wasn't me trying to drag myself into devo time. I love how I want devo time now. How i don't want to end the day without devo time because it's so amazing.

So we all ended up getting like 0 sleep until 7 =P and then we all fell asleep. And i apparently move alot when I sleep. Like flip. 180 degrees. Which is pretty whack =P Luckily she was watching a movie. Mad awkward if she was asleep too and then woke up. But yea, I ended up sleeping in my own bed for 2 hours and I was like smiling when I hit the bed because it was SOOO comfy =P It's always funny when I'm super sleep-deprived and then I go to sleep. I start giggling in my bed when I wrap myself up because it's so comfy. It's weird =P I think last night was the closest I've ever had to an all nighter. I also learned contact =) Fun game. Cept for the headshot. Man that was funny =P headshawls. and the raging ranch chips is what's quoted in the title =P they were crazy spicy. And so we said there was too much rage and not enough ranch =P

So I love them. All of them. And I'm glad Nelson joined us. I don't want it to be exclusive in the sense that it's closed. Like I'm still probably closer to them than most of the people in KNA but our get togethers aren't exclusive. Because well...we're all a part of the body of Christ and shouldn't we all meet together anyways?
Thank you God for such amazing brothers and sisters.

fear? whom shall i fear.

2009-12-29T09:05:00.000-08:00

How often do we pray that God would use the Spirit and move us?
How often we ask that He use us to do his will.
But yesterday I realized that there's a real fear of this.
That as much as I don't want to admit, I fear God bringing me somewhere incredibly insane.
But what kind of trust is that?
it's limited trust. if any at all

but i don't want to live a safe life. If anything that's not what we've been called to. The apostles weren't safe. They rejected the Sanhedrin's orders to keep quiet because they couldn't keep the Good News quiet. Would we have that same exact zeal.
Some might call us crazy. radical. ridiculous. fundamentalists.
but is that just the response of someone who's afraid of going where the Spirit leads them?
I pray I don't get caught up here. In safety. In routine.
that if i need to, i'll go wherever He leads me.

For the Lord is my salvation and light,
whom shall i fear
the Lord is the stronghold of my life,
of whom shall i be afraid

paraphrased Psalms 27.1 i think

a little boy could easily get lost

2009-12-28T20:10:00.000-08:00

Hey

Feels like I haven't blogged in a while but in essence, it's only been 2 days. A day feels like a long time. Or it can.

Yesterday went to church/simon's house to practice for WTF dance and it's pretty intense. But it looks incredible. Or at least when the others do it =P I'm not as fluid or as graceful but hopefully the other 6 on the team can make up for that =P I'm excited for WTF. I guess a little scared of the intense practicing on the week of and the kind of reaction my parents will have and for myself how physically drained I'll be and how I'll balance school and WTF. I'm also really praying that God continues to be a major part of WTF. Not even a part. The core of it. Because we can often get caught up in technicalities and forget that God is the center of everything. And if anything is displeasing to Him I pray he'll completely break that and remake it. Even if it's the day before. Because I'd rather have God's message revealed, not a show.

Recently I've been reading Forgotten God because my sister got it for me for my baptism and it's in the same style as Crazy Love. And it's intense in the way that it challenges you. And maybe part of me doesn't feel ready to be challenged like that. Maybe part of me is scared. But I don't want to be scared of going deeper. I want to lead a life worthy of the calling that I have been given. God would you use me. In ways that I can't possibly imagine. In places I'd be scared to go otherwise without your Spirit.

And i'm sorry for being a bad friend. Maybe for those reading this and for those that aren't. I guess for the past while I've been so out of it. Especially this past week. I'm distracted, not really focused or directed. So I need to be geared. To gather motivation. And spend the rest of my break connecting with people, keeping people accountable and finishing up my work.
I started on my homework today and in the morning I felt so miserable. I don't know if it was the sleep and the lack of sunlight or what it was but I was starting my math and I felt so messed up and it was a struggle for me to get back into the mindset of it all. It's been a while since I did actual work. Like I did housekeeping stuff today. Cleaned up my room. Inserted pictures. Started writing in my photo albums. Studied for G1. And it may sound like a lot but I'm still lazing around much more than I should. So I'm sorry. And I'll try harder. God I'm sorry. Would you forgive me for being so careless these past couple of days?

p.requests:
- discipline and self control
- love. I feel like I'm not giving enough of that recently. I'm sorry

thanks
-Chris

He wants all of you

2009-12-26T19:37:00.000-08:00

Hey

So I guess it's been a pretty crazy break. I mean like it's already been a week. And I've gotten some great sleep and gotten some stuff done but for the most part...i've done barely anything and I really only have another week left. I'm thankful for all the amazing family time that I do have though. Though I guess there's still a lot of conflict in terms of me serving and being away from the home and me being at home.

Yesterday I was able to see all my cousins from one side of the family. Even the ones that I haven't in a while. Also, watched Sherlock Holmes before that. It's REALLY smart. Like if you could understand all the words that Holmes says, it's like pretty incredible because in the end it all wraps up ridiculously.

So I went to my cousins for the traditional December 25th dinner and I got to see a cousin who I only get to see once a year =P And I'll see him even less because he's committed to doing long term mission work in China for 2 years and it's incredible but it also means that I won't be able to see him and hear from him in a REALLY long time. We talked for like a good half an hour...maybe an hour on the couches and he was talking about his recent experiences and just what he learned over the course of the missions trip and what God's really been showing Him this year and he wanted I guess to impart some wisdom before he left. So he talked about meditating and how Jesus would put his relationship with God above everything else. He would go out early in the morning to pray. He would go off to a quiet place even when the crowds were begging Him to perform miracles. Even in the incredible busyness of things, He still prioritized His spiritual disciplines as first above everything. And that's something I really want to do. To become spiritually disciplined and to just see with God's heart. He also showed me a site called "discipleshiplibrary.com" and basically it's a list of 60 verses that are like beginner verses and I'm really going to try to commit them all into memory before the break is up. And I briefly talked to him about parents and them coming to Christ. I guess something I've been wanting to ask my sister for a long time but there's hasn't really been times where it's just the two of us.

So today I went boxing day shopping in the morning with the family and saw some people I knew and the places were crazy. Like it was like a warzone in some places. The Hollister lineup was ridiculous. And I realized that it's super dark lighting so you don't really know what you're buying. Or at least that's what I think the reason for the darkness is. Don't know if that's entirely true. But I didn't buy anything. And for that I'm thankful. That i didn't get picked up in all the chaos around me because I'm blessed more than I need.

I can't believe it's a Sunday tomorrow. It's going to be interesting tomorrow. And I'm excited to spend some time with God. in silence and in remembering his word. And meditating on it. Demons from the past beginning to haunt me. Pray for self control and that I remember His words and that it echoes in my heart whenever i begin to falter.

p. requests:
- discipline to start doing things
- silent time with God and more time delving into his word
- self control

thanks
-Chris

t'is the season

2009-12-24T22:05:00.000-08:00

It's amazing
it's Christmas! =)
It's the day of the year dedicated to celebrating Jesus' birth. Isn't that...amazing? =)
And as PY said it, everyone on the planet is celebrating Jesus' birth. They don't know it. But they are =)

except the people celebrating the thing that's not Christmas. So I guess like Hanukkah and whatnot.

so i guess a quickie post
I feel like this Christmas although I haven't been focused on presents, I've been focused on just too much other stuff. I can feel myself yearning for some family time. We rarely have any of that and my sister's leaving on the 26th for Urbana. And I guess I just feel like i've been out a lot. For church. That's a huge one I guess. And I know a lot of other people are busy too but I guess it's better when your whole family is serving. So tomorrow is family time. And Jesus time. I long to sit in my room with a bible in hand and just pray and delve into His word. I've been wanting to do that all break long but I feel like every morning I've been so busy.
But I'm thankful for all the things that I'm serving in. All the amazing blessings I've received from others .

p.request:
- no lazing around
- family time

Thanks =)
and merry christmas
-Chris

slanted staircases

2009-12-22T20:30:00.000-08:00

tossing and turning along slanted staircases
their words an attempt to console me
as they rolled away into a place unseen

black windows on an empty street
feelings of dread building up
knowing that she won't be back
from her new home, far away

eyes fluttering open, he jolted from this seperate world
tears fresh upon his skin, he breathed a sigh of relief
for he realized it was all but a dream

so i haven't written poems or stories for that mater in a REALLY long time so it's a little choppy and bad but I think round one was better. the post got completely deleted when it errored when i tried posting =) so I had a dream this morning and it was pretty reminding that if my friends were ever to leave, i guess from my dream one in particular, it'd be pretty sad because well...I've grown so much from the experiences I share with all my friends. If she left for...New York and her dad packed up shop, well it'd be a sad day. I spent some time with some amazing friends today. Just brainstorming and chilling and it's always makes my day to see some friends. All of them. =) So praise God for my friends. And may i never take them for granted. thank you
-Chris

of whom shall I be afraid?

2009-12-21T19:53:00.000-08:00

Hey God,

I would've really loved to write to you yesterday.But all in all, it's kind of the same isn't it? The joy. The amazing joy knowing that I am saved and that I have been able to proclaim it the rest of the earth. and the joy knowing that the Lord is my salvation and my light. That i have nobody to fear. Somebody gave that verse to me yesterday. It's beautiful. Thank you for writing such amazing works in your book. That it still continues to bless us with wisdom.

Yesterday I proclaimed my faith to you and to be honest, it went by like a blur. I can't quite remember how the water felt except that it was warm and I feel like i kind of imagined the breaking the surface of the water as maybe more big than i thought it was =P But all in all it was an amazing day. Thank you. And I know it's not going to come free from troubles now that I'm baptised. I pray that nobody ever sees baptism that way. That once they're baptised that their lives will be peachy and everything will be fine. I know my life will get more amazing but I know there'll still be turmoil. I woke up to it this morning. I guess it's something I need to be a part of. But Father I can see the pain that happens all around me. All around. Family, cell group members, fellowship people, school friends. And it's just so humbling to be here in the midst of it all. And I know that I can barely do anthing and that it's really in your hands. May I continue to pray. Pray always. I guess that's something to work on. I guess i'm kind of sad we only prayed once (for the food) and it's something that I need to continue to do daily.

so thank you. may i fear noone.
The LORD is my light and my salvation--whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life--of whom shall I be afraid? - Psalms 27:1
Thanks for everything. for my life. for my amazing family and friends and all the trials that i've been through
-Chris

i will bring praise

2009-12-19T20:04:00.000-08:00

Hey

So today I decided to not go in the usual scheduled kind of writing. With all the "this happened then this happened" and maybe try...just writing how everything was like. Or just what I feel right now. more feelings. less events?

People are asking me if i'm excited for tomorrow. And to be honest, I'm never quite sure how to answer that. During the deacon interview Freddy asked me what it meant for me to get baptized. And it was basically the same thing that Andy Stanley said in his sermon on baptism. It's a public declaration that I love Jesus and that I want to follow him. Am I excited? I guess I am. A whole bunch of my school friends are coming. And they're watching it. And it's encouraging to know that they'd all step into a church service just to see me baptized =) And i'm thankful for the opportunity to be baptized. There's so much work that's been put behind the whole service and everything that it's just a blessing to be able to have this. A lot of people...well for them baptism is just being dunked in a lake or something publicly. That's it. But at the same time, it's got the same spiritual significance. It was funny because my cousin asked me if I could become a crew leader the second I got baptized =P that's I guess a side bonus =P But then again, i don't mind being crew leader or assistant crew.

I'm thankful also for the fellowship. Last night. We had prayer meeting and as much as it was rushed, i'm still glad we had it. It's a first step. To being consistent. To having a community of believers and even non-believers to pray. There were some non-Christians at the prayer meeting in our group and it was interesting having them there and I kind of felt sad at the end of it because we didn't really have time to go deep. We simply did around the circle, then pray for the person beside you with Korean prayer. But as I said before, I thank God for the opportunity to have prayer meeting in the first place and for our first prayer meeting...it was encouraging to see so many people =)

And it was amazing to see my cell group and it was fun to go shopping with them. I guess I was thinking alot about missing the program because it was about family and I thought it'd be really great to talk about family with our cell group but I think my real wish is just to spend more time with them and to have both shopping time and deep discussion time. and I'm amazed and blessed to have a cell group that's so generous. Like seriously they blew my expectations out the water =P It was incredible. They just amaze me every week =) And then I got to spend time talking with C & R and it was really good because even though it wasn't specifically directed, we talked about how he was doing and it turns out...not too well. But I talked to him today and he knows that we're here for him. All the cell group leaders and Chung. And that's something I'm just so encouraged by. And we need to pray about it and just grow as a cell group. Carrying each other's burdens.

I wonder if that was any different from a normal post.
oh well =)
so tomorrow's the "big" day =)
and i guess in a sense it is big
it's like almost all my friends are converging in one place =)
that's pretty epic
ain't it?
thank you God
you are truly amazing
and greater beyond anything I can imagine. Thank you

p.requests:
- my sister's home. so FAM JAM TIME =) no more dumb games. famjam
- praying. that i keep up in prayer. I was so tired last night that i don't think my heart was in my prayer. so i prayed again this morning.
- continuing to thank God.

thanks =)
-Chris

not for use with hot liquids?

2009-12-17T17:48:00.000-08:00

Hey

So firstly, isn't it just kind of ironic that a thermos says on the bottom "not for use with hot liquids"? Kind of defeats the purpose right? Haha just thought it'd put it in because I was washing a friends' thermos and i was reading the bottom and i'm like...what.

Anyways =) Yesterday was another meet up and honestly, i'm so glad that we do it. We haven't done it for 2 weeks. Or I guess I haven't been there for 2 weeks and it's just great to be back with Simon and PY in Freddy's office talking about random things. I kind of regret not being able to hit like the actual prayer earlier because PY ended up leaving before we actually got to pray. We got some good stuff done. She worked on her sketch and it sounds absolutely amazing. Maybe the images dancing in my head are much less abstract so i'm sure it's even more amazing with the spectacular lights and sounds =) It was amazing how we prayed at the very end in Freddy's car. It went for like 10 minutes or more and it was so long that my dad was looking out the window wondering why I hadn't come in yet but it was just amazing to pray with them. That's what I wish it was like every week when we meet up. Also not at like 11 at night =P earlier. So we can all pray. And indeed the sleepover sounds like a wicked idea =) It'd be amazing to have us all there and just talking and praying. It's been so long since we've all been together and just prayed for each other. We've all got so many stories to share and yet so little time with each other. I"m excited to see what God has in store for us because He's done such amazing things through this amazing group of friends already.

Today I volunteered at the Torch Relay at the Civic Center helping little kids make their own paper torches =P It was pretty fun I must say and even though the actual thing was hectic and full of frostbite-feeling fingers, it was still amazing and I got a lot out of it =) Firstly, I got to spend a day with my friends =) I don't often get to do that. I got to work on my patience. A whole lot of kids. A whole lot of paper folding. A whole lot of tape. Thank you God for that opportunity. I also got to see a whole bunch of people from UHS in the morning because apparently they all wanted to see the torch =P And I saw some random kids that I knew. Some from SI, some from Kin Village and some from my old elementary school. I guess I got to see the torch. Not THAT big of a deal =P So many people are like "it's the only time it'll ever pass through Markham" but really, everyday is the only day for something. So really =) Also, P brought some warm beverage for me which was amazingly kind. Thanks for being such an amazing, caring friend =) Sorry I didn't get to say bye. I got tied up making more torches for the rushing children leaving on the buses. And so the entire day was a bunch of ridiculous and at the same time, really fun =) I love volunteering. Especially when I see children. Because sometimes that just negates all the bad and evil that's happened. My fingers feel alright. Didn't think they would. But I guess they did =P I guess it's time for me to depart and study for Bio and just prepare for the last day of school of the yea. oh man. =)

p.requests:
- I think i've been really thankful this week. Keep it up. there's always something to be thankful for
- being a shining beacon for others. that keeps popping up in my subconscious prayers
- not sleeping too late

love you guys =)
-Chris

∫joy = God =)

2009-12-15T20:06:00.000-08:00

Haha hey

So the title means the integral of joy is God. And if you haven't taken Calculus then you'll have no clue what an integral is. But basically it means that joy comes from God =) basically =P i won't go into deriving and whatnot because it doesn't make mathematical sense.

I have to go real soon but I just wanted to blog because well...i felt overjoyed today =)
On Sunday we learned about peace through the sermon and then we had baptismal class and it was good. We learned about why there's evil in the world. And then I had my baptismal interview =) It was funny because I had freddy which made it...really relaxed and there wasn't any fear of some unknown deacon asking me strange questions and then correcting me if i was wrong and it was pretty natural feeling i think =) I also didn't study for it =P Which sometimes could be the best thing because...well if you know about God and you know what you're doing by getting baptized... a deacon interview shouldn't be too hard =)
Also, I listened to a sermon regarding baptism and it was...good because it was simple and yet it brought out why somebody got baptized. It's a washing. Literally. And it's an association with Jesus and showing publicly that I had accepted Jesus to be my Lord and Savior and that..it's what I believed =P So i'm excited for this Sunday because my school friends are going to be there. Also my sister's home and it's like one of the first things she'll see after she gets home =P
Also, we had the youth performance practice for Christmas Eve service. It's turning out pretty funny =P Going to see how it all turns out. Sadly there's only like...3 boys. And I can't project black voices =P So we'll see how it goes but it's looking to be quite the performance with some possible singing across the sanctuary =P

Monday was....I actually can't fully remember what happened yesterday. Had some good badminton, studied for my Calculus test. I guess that's something that's been on my mind because ever since I got my mark update I've been striving a lot harder to work hard at math and just keep up with it and to do the homework. And last night I kind of ended up not studying after I got home from badminton. I wanted to but in the end my mind wasn't in the right place and I guess i felt I was ready. I was still nervous. But I think I studied well. I did like...60 practice questions from the review and it was good.
And in the end, I had my test today and it went well. I felt so at peace afterwards when I got on the bus it was like shouting Praise God in my head because there wasn't any burden left and I thanked God for giving me peace while I wrote it =) It was a fairly simple test but I'm still glad I studied hard and didn't leave it to the last minute =) When I was walking home I was like smiling at the people I saw and the weather was nice and it was just...really great =) So PTL.
Tonight I went to the Family Worship planning and I was the only youth there but it was good =) We spent like the entire first hour in prayer and it was really intense because some of the prayers went pretty long but it was good to start off lifting everything in prayer. I feel like we don't do that enough. And I realized there's just SOOOOOO much to pray for. Like the prayer items that were brought up for our church were things that I would've never imagined myself praying for because I never would've realized them. So I thank God for opening my eyes to these things and it's looking like it's going to be a pretty interesting and amazing worship service.
So that's it for tonight =)
just wanted to update.

p.requests:
- that I can keep up this overjoyed state of mind because nothing is too big for my God =)
- discipline to just do more without being told now that I have more time
- more famjam time and to organize my schedule so that i have famjam time, serving and devos all balanced. No extremes.

thanks =)
-Chris

Rescued from the darkness

2009-12-12T20:54:00.000-08:00

Hey

So it's a saturday. I think i usually post on saturdays for like sure. Because I always love writing about fellowship =) Always. Because it's somewhere I feel like it's so easy to see God move. Well God moves everywhere but I guess it's just that in my cell group it's just so overwhelming and it makes me smile at the end of every Friday. And I know there's always things to work on like openness during discussions for a lot of questions but i know it's something we'll work through and we'll just grow. We've got a year =) Well not anymore =P

Alrightys. So yesterday was Cell group night. Our 3rd one =P It's funny because our second one was only like 2 weeks ago. But this time we decided to plan EARLIER and so we could actually get people to respond =P took 2 weeks but we got a response from everyone...one way or another =) And now we have their phone numbers. Woot for ability to call =) Anyways, we went all to Nat's house to have a potluck and it was crazy because FOURTEEN people showed up. Which is like...amazing =) We even had two extra. Who i will not mention but they were really cool and C brought them =) And so we had WAYYY too much food but it was cool how everyone brought stuff and we didn't have to worry about last minute cooking and Nat's house was really cool and we all started watching home alone =P Our food time was kind of separated though because we all wouldn't fit in one room so we were split between dining room and the kitchen but Chung's voice carried across both so that was good for some parts =) And then we split into our accountability groups and I think we honestly spent like half an hour at it. Or at least we did =) Me and C sat in a carpeted room filled with antique stuff and the things we talked about were really cool. He was really open and we honestly could've talked for like the whole night and it was just amazing talking to him and we had to end because Nat was telling us to finish =P and so we prayed for each other and I really pray that I keep him accountable. That I don't forget what we talked about and that we just continue to talk over the Christmas holiday =)
And then we got together as a cell group. all 14 of us =) and we talked about our Christmas hamper and I'm REALLY excited for that because our secret mission this Friday has been Freddy-approved =) WOOT! I'm really excited for it. Like seriously so intensely excited =) It's almost like 2 cell group nights in a row. And then we took group pictures and it was super fun =)

So that was just an amazing experience and I love my cell group =) Honestly like we have our little tweaks that we'll work on as we build more awesome relationships but God's really been moving and I can see it and I just thank God for the opportunity to serve this year.

Today was the first TC AV training and it was....not what I originally expected it to be. The first hour, to be honest was REALLY like unfocused and we got nothing done. And it wasn't even like good rambling and that kind of breaks the ice. It was really restricted like it was specifically about the schools that people went to in Mississauga and I could feel that like most of the team wasn't into it at that point and we didn't even get to pray. That was one thing i found...kind of strange. The whole 3 hours. We didn't pray. Once. Beginning. or End. We just....did it. And there were way too many people and the equipment was kind of trippy and old but there were some good things about it. I met my team and for the most part they're pretty cool =) i think they're all experience in some way, shape or form. One of the girls is...really easily sidetracked and so we'll see how that goes. I guess at this point, i'm interested to see where this all goes and how it all leads out. We didn't really do devos or any kind of bible activities or bible study or prayer today but i'm really hoping that we get tighter with each other as a team in both AV and in God.

Last thing, it was Christmas celebration tonight. I had no clue it was SNA. It didn't even cross my mind until I went to church and I found out that there was like BARELY anyone from KNA. Like....4 in total. And i guess in the very beginning I was kind of downed out because I hadn't anticipated not seeing anyone and I'd really wanted to talk to some people but during the first couple minutes I prayed that God wouldn't let me be so close minded and that I would be open to the night. Maybe I'd see some really cool stuff from random people in the church that I barely knew. Maybe I'd get to talk with people I hadn't really talked to in a while. And so I prayed for that and God is good =) It ended up being pretty alright =) The kids' performances were so cute =P And it's like they've grown up and it was funny seeing them do the craziest things =P I remember when I was a kid. I was the inn keeper. Well one of em =) I remember that. I tripped on my inn =P But anyways I hung out with Pneumatos people and it ended up being pretty cool =) I'm not one for really big crazy events like SNA anyway. Maybe next year.

And so that concludes my post. I guess just a lot of thanksgiving. A lot of amazing things that God's shown me and I guess I'm still struggling with discipline. With controlling myself with just games and spending my time doing productive things. By the way, I made a math worksheet today for my lesson on Monday. It felt pretty awesome =) It's so cool to see it all work out and imagine how you're going to teach it. Pretty cool stuff =) Glad I did that. Praise the Lord =)

p.requests:
- discipline to focus on productive things and things that have eternal value and that glorify God
- Spending time with C talking and keeping him accountable
- Being open to the various areas that God has placed me in

Thanks =)
-Chris

have you ever thought...

2009-12-09T16:50:00.000-08:00

Hey

For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.
- Romans 3:23

That's what was running through my head as i heard the sermon about Mary in the Catholic mass at our school yesterday. Over and over again, the priest said that Mary was Holy and sinless and it kept making me....really wonder. And my heart was like panging because over and over i was like "this isn't biblically correct". I went home and during my devo time, I went bible diving into the Gospels and I couldn't find any kind of scripture that would back this up. Mary was a faithful woman. An example of God's amazing abilities. It's like Moses. Like King Solomon. Like a whole bunch of other people in the Bible who did amazing things because the Lord had given them power or had done something for/to them.

I'm going to keep this short because i'm trying to sleep before 11. But I haven't talked about devos in a while. And 2 nights ago i just sat on the floor and prayed. I didn't look at the clock, i turned off the lights and just sat there and prayed. I think over 10 minutes went by and it was probably one of the best devo times i've had in at least a week. Because well...i feel like they've been semi-rushed. Partly because i've been sleeping later and partly because....maybe because i'm not focused enough and my head's too cluttered with other things. But that night where I sat on the ground. It was like 12:30 when i finished. It was late. But i was glad that I got some good devo time. It's the least i can do. I find myself Bible diving now. Not restricting myself to that one chapter a day but just flipping through, reading, being interested in just stories and references ( yay for a study bible =P). Praise the Lord =) And so i'm trying that now. Back to the clock. Sleeping earlier. More devo time.

I got back a math mark today. Math's been something that i've recently been struggling with. Rather I've been working harder because i know i need to. I found out i dropped 5% since midterm and to some people that might not be alot. And to some people, my current mark would be amazing to them. But i know i can do better. I know God's blessed me with the gifts to do better. And so i'm going to study hard this weekend for my test. Today i felt less than productive. Took mozilla off my rocketdock. Turns out some of the parental control features don't work. Meaning only opera blocks stuff. So now i'm using strictly opera. No more games. I don't need them nor should I really be playing them.

Also, a last thought before I leave. Paul talked in Phillipians as if he was only on earth to continue God's ministry and otherwise, he'd be overjoyed to be in heaven. It's a concept commonly taught. Keeping your eyes on the unseen. Keeping your eyes on heaven. But how often do we REALLY live like that? How often do we have faith like that? That's something i'm really striving for. Today i did some ninja charity. I'm glad i did.

I think that's it for now. I'll blog....again sometime soon =) Excited for cell group night. Drifting Wood Potluck for the awesome =)

p.requests:
- discipline to get my work done and do chores (getting better)
- live my life with Jesus in mind. Not myself
- focused devos

thanks =)
-Chris

Chris Version Billion.1.0

2009-12-05T17:56:00.000-08:00

Hey

So it's been...a really intense past couple of days. Actually just yesterday and today. But 2 days is a lot. A lot could happen in 2 days. Whenever somebody says "A lot could happen in.." I think of the Wong Fu movie where the Indian girl is talking with the guy and she says that. But that's besides the point =P Some lessons and just a lot of....things that I need to reflect on in general.

Friday morning I planned to wake up nice and early and go for a jog but I found that my track pants were in the wash and my mom wouldn't let me saying it was too cold. So i did math until I went out for jap buffet. I was kind of excited for that. Not because of the food. I'm never really into buffets. Gluttony. And just too much food. And too much non-vegetables. I was excited to see my cousin. She's always cool to talk to and the only cousin who's close to me in age...that i see a lot =P It ended up being...an interesting experience to say the least. They gave us one round of food and then they didn't bring any for the next like 45 minutes. I personally didn't care too much and I think everybody got a decent amount of food but my aunt and uncle weren't very satisfied and they got up and kind of made a fuss with the head of restaurant kind of thing and then we got ridiculous amounts of food and i felt ridiculous afterwards. I guess it's happened before and in both cases, me and my cousin feel kind of.....we feel out of place. Because i don't think we'd ever do this. Like i get that they're busy. It's a PA day, they probably didn't expect so many people and their families but...i don't know. Also one of the reasons why i don't like buffets. They kind of come with the demands of food and people ordering WAY too much and more than they can eat. At least I got to spend some time with my aunt.

Afterwards it was k-cab chillage. And basically, it was really fun with Taboo at Steph's house =) It was really funny because it was grade 12's and freddy vs. the teletubbies =P and the grade 12's would guess the most RANDOM things like tazmanian devil. And mexicans =P Played in the basement. That brings back...a whole lot of memories =P sleepovers, vbc drama practices, random instances. =) Kind of sad we didn't get to actually do any accountability and it was rushed towards the end after we ordered pizza (which was fun because pizza pizza has SOO much more variety than you'd expect) and we all had to head back over to fellowship to set up. When I got to church it was wierd because it didn't feel like a friday. I didn't feel as like energized to set up as usual. Maybe it was the pizza. Regardless we got it set up and then Calvin and me went to pray and talk and I always love those times because it's calm and it's only a couple minutes but it's still good time to just sit down and talk and plan and just sit in our room. The night went alright. I felt like I did a lot of talking. And it felt rushed. The content was good and I felt like we could've gone so much deeper but there was so little time. And i made a last minute decision and I really need to talk to Calvin about that because sometimes i feel like I take too much control. And afterwards, during worship, I probably had the biggest mess up in my slide ability and I was impatient and i made the mistake of clicking too many times + beta version = no lyrics on screen. And it made me so frustrated and in the end of it I just stopped trying and tried to worship. To just forget about the slides and to just worship and ask God for forgiveness for my impatience and to just lift it to Him.

Afterwards there was some prayer and I'm really glad we had it. And it was strange and yet amazing to just have the notion to pray when no more words could come to my mind. Because that's what we do. We give it to our Father and know that he can do amazing things and much better than our little words.

Today....i woke up and my mom was kind of yelling about how i've been at church EVERYDAY for the past 3 days. Yesterday i was at church for like...6 hours. Today like 7. Tomorrow...i don't know if i should go to the birthday lunch thing because...i don't know if it's a good idea =\ I had to leave worship practice early today because it went a little overtime and my mom said 11:30. And i had a doctors appointment for my eyelid. Which was "allergies". But worship practice itself was good. It's always fun during worship practice. We found some new backgrounds and Steph made a gmail account. It was funny looking at the options that they gave her because apparently there are other steph liews in this world =P. Also it was an epic. Epics are epic =) As the name implies. And kenny always has pretty voice harmonies =)

The k-cab meeting today was good. We planned out 4 months and in general we talked about how our cell groups were doing and it was good. Maybe some people were tired but there was some good prayer spurts and I really love when we do that. When we stop and pray. And pray about whatever we're doing. Excited for the next couple of months. Drilling in love and relationships. REALLY important things =) excited for that. And i really want to have dinner with Chung and all the other cell group leaders. It'd be good. To simply sit down and talk about it all.

Well this concludes my week =P I guess i didn't really talk about how I was doing. I guess this morning's dream reminded me of the urgency but i have no clue how to. It's not as easy as "parents, i believe in God and I want you to too because I want to be able to have you with me in Heaven" or something like that. And...i just need to balance. Because this weekend....it's too much church for my parents' liking. thanks

p.requests:
- balance of everything (family, chores, church, kna, serving, school, friends)
- discipline to continue doing my work and not laze around
- to continue to sense that urgency that God has placed in me for my parents and friends

thanks
- Chris

Crossword Puzzles

2009-12-05T07:56:00.000-08:00

Last night I had a dream. And since dreams disappear really fast, i guess i only remember the important parts. But it was something that was quite drastic. and a reminder. a very blunt one.

So in my dream, the rapture had somehow happened and it had some random thing to do with crossword puzzles. Like sometimes there were crossword puzzles when people had been like raptured up and it was...weird. My sister and a whole bunch of people had apparently already i guess lifted into heaven. And it was just me and my parents. And we were in this like house and my parents were in another room across the hall or something and there was dim lighting and I was doing a crossword puzzle, not with any real intention other than just doing it and i remember looking back at them while I was writing the last word and then in the next second I was like going up some white staircase resembling clouds. And when i reached the top I could see people and it was bunch of people from church and they were all together, talking. I remember the first thing i realized I was in heaven, i dropped on my knees and started to cry. And the words that came out of my mouth were "I never got to tell them". And I knew what I meant when I said that. I meant my parents. I never got to tell them about Christ. I never showed them why I truly loved serving at church. I never told my friends. And I was crying because there was a chance that I might never see them ever again because they didn't really know the Gospel. And then i saw my sister and we were both kind of sad and she was talking and then I woke up and I could feel tears in my eyes.

And so that was my dream. An urgent message. I want to. I know i have to. But i need God's guidance as to how.

ginger explosion

2009-12-03T18:42:00.000-08:00

Hey

I just ate a slice of ginger. Because it was in my vegetables. My throat is currently burning and my eyes are about to tear. Thought I'd let you know that little tidbit =) I'm starting to like eating ginger. In small amounts of course. Haha that's kind of a super side thought. =)

So I still can't really believe it's the end of the week already. It's actually a SUPER JAM PACKED weekend. So i'll keep this post short =P Seeing as I should get my butt upstairs and get sleeping. This week...has felt really short. It's passed in it's ways. It feels good though. I mean the week. I tried focusing a lot on prayer and loving at school. And i found myself being more conscious of it and just...talking to God more. And evaluating myself and thinking about the actions that I did. Because the 1 Peter verse also said something along the lines of "if one should speak, he should speak as if he were speaking the very word of God". And that's intense. If you really think about it, how many sentences in a day do you say that are encouraging and would be coming from the Bible? like not exact words but the same message? I found myself doing some complaining, some joking and in some cases, not saying something with enough sincerity behind it. And so it's something i'm trying to work on. Praying that I can.

This weekend. Jam packed =) Tomorrow k-cab outing. Then bible study. Then saturday k-cab planning. then sunday, av and whatnot. Oh and family lunch tomorrow =) jap buffet. Haven't done one of those in a while. Feel like a jog tomorrow morning =) And i can't believe it's bible study tomorrow. Seems like such a short time since the bible study. I hope i can talk about it with the other CGL's during the a-group time tomorrow =) I'm actually really stoked for it =P Just spending time together. All of us =)

And tonight I went to Koolskool for the second time since the beginning of the school year. It was good =) The kids are really cool and we cooked. Always love some good ole fashion cooking =) pita bread pizza and spaghetti =) So yea, i guess it was just nice to be back and serving. Good to see some people I haven't seen in a while =)

Well time to go. And by the way, my mom's back home =) for like reals now. Which is good =) Thanks for the prayers guys =)

p.requests:
- draw my actions and words from God and knowing that I am saved from this world
- discipline to finish work this weekend and to still do house chores. =)

Thanks guys =)
night

-Chris

reminders in the 5th

2009-12-01T16:43:00.000-08:00

Hey

So i haven't blogged in a while =P Technically it's only been 3 days. But you know, I guess that's just might "been a while" =) I like blogging. it's some good stuff.

So i guess is customary...we should start with Sunday. Because it was actually a day of some pretty intense lessons. Somehow, everything just seemed to fit in with each other. Sermon, luncheon, bible study, wtf. All had the kind of theme of love. Love being...well God's sacrificial love and how it's going to apply to our own lives as we are to follow out the example of Christ because we are Christians =) Woot! =) Woke up and I think i was a little later. But it was alright. My dad ended up waking up which i guess was different from last week when I left the house and he wasn't awake =P he needs more sleep anyway. AV went kind of like normal. Val had some deep talking with a somebody in the booth. Hope he's alright. He's goin through a bunch but...i guess i a lot of us feel like he's using the wrong release. But who are we to judge? only to pray and to console.

Haha i should get onto the sermon. Or else i'll never finish this post =P The sermon was about hospitality. About offering our time, our homes, our items. And you know, it's strongly linked with love because in order to be hospitable, we have to love. I believe the verse was from 1 Peter that he used as the theme verse. I'll have to look it up again. I was reading through those small books at the end of the NT and it's...interesting because all of them are short but they're pretty packed with some intense stuff. At the luncheon, I got to know somebody in the church and I"m glad I didn't contain myself to my little AV booth and I found a fellow veteran AV person =P It was pretty cool and it was just nice to talk to him a little and being in the same space as the MC's it's just cool =) Because they're some pretty cool MC's. Also the food was like...beautiful =P Like to think that so many aunties and uncles woke up and made so much food. it was SOO MUCH. like they were thinking we'd have too little food. We didn't =P mmmm for chicken and cucumber sandwiches. and banana bread =P PTL for all the good bonding that happened. I can see what PY means when she says adult are a lot more fun and cool than you would think =P

Afterward, it was pre study and then WTF planning. It was actually a pretty intense day. Went till like 4:30 at church. That's like....8.5 hours at church. Oh snap. That's a lot =P So onto pre study. It was on love. And Eskimos always comes up with some innovative programs =P So we got a race + discussion + skits. Which is pretty jam packed =P But it'll be good. If we get the material down. It was about love. The true meaning of love. And i guess the biggest challenge for myself was the last part of the verse. It was from 1 John. I think 1 John 4. But the last verse was something like " if a man says that he loves God but does not love his brother, he is a liar." And then another part. But this part kind of stuck out to me. Because...it's something i've been told a lot. But i was recently reminded of it. I feel like i'm getting some reminders lately. A bunch really. About cell group leading, family, blessings, love, for God to break my heart for those who don't know Him. And it just happened that the love was the theme for WTF as well so it was like...a Sunday about love =P And it was good hearing people share like E. I feel like a lot of us all have the same stories and if we all took some time to share just about how we were all doing, we'd find some amazing similarities. And so after all this, oh and by the way, i'm EXCITED for WTF. =) Even if it does get postponed. I'm just super excited. Because it's a night where we're all uniting under one God. Not that we don't do that usually =P but it all turns out so amazing. But we just have to make sure we keep on it. Like we do follow up.

And so my challenge this week is to re-remind myself about loving. And a part of the bible study verse was also that love replaces fear. In perfect love, there is no fear. And i think when i pray at lunch now, it's like i don't even care who sees me and what people are thinking. Because i get to talk to the God who made me. Isn't that just sick? =P So far, i'm finding myself becoming more consciously patient which i'm really happy about and I just want to keep it up. Especially in peer helping when they can sometimes be difficult and sometimes when they don't try. Also means i need more sleep =P I think i'm getting the second bag layer. Which is the one everyone's getting. Meaning i need at least like..1 hour more of sleep. I can feel myself slowly changing habits. In my attempt to become more disciplined. Deleted game apps, blocked the game sites i go on, i did treadmill today =) I was sweating pretty hard after 25 minutes and it was good. Doing some good jogging. And i walked home today from like another stop because it was decent weather and it only took me like 12 minutes =) And so i'll end off here. because there's math to be done and maybe those who are reading this are getting a tad tired eh? =) thanks

p. requests:
- to have every action stem from Christ (love is patient)
- to keep up with praying

thanks friends =)
-Chris

you're free. did you know that?

2009-11-28T16:55:00.000-08:00

Hey

So yesterday I was reading in Galatians...well then i flipped to a whole bunch of places in the bible because i didn't really feel sleepy and it was interesting just flipping around and in Galatians, in whatever chapter i'm on, it was talking about how we're free. Free from being restrained by law. And I remember reading from something else...probably a devo book and it was challenging the reader to think about their own life and if they live free. Free from the things that bind us to this world. Free from the law of sin. And I didn't know if i could answer yes. Because really like...am i living as if i'm free? Wouldn't i look so much more joyful if i was free? And I know that I'm free. and like Paul says, I shouldn't be reliving my "childhood of sin" . Something for me to think about. To not be bound by things that I know aren't worth my time to be bound to. Not sure if that last sentence made much sense. =P

Last night also happened to be Drifting Wood CGN v 2.0 I think. I think it's the second. Well technically the second one that we planned. And i know that before the night I was like...really stressed out. Because I didn't know who was coming, who was eating, where we were even going to be! Because i'm not good with booking and therefore we ended up having to ninja into a room because of the major takeover from the scouts. They took up like EVERYWHERE. like not even kidding =P with their sleepover, and their pretend campfire, and their hot chocolate making, and their wood tying and intense like craft making and like EVERYTHING. we ended up getting a room on the side of the new basement =P Also, two grade 9 girls from my cell group emailed me thursday night telling me they'd get pizza and when i got that i was like PTL because it's just...so amazing to see them caring for the cell group =) And it's just awesome and they brought friends. Interesting friends. 2J. Maybe we'll see them again =P It'll probably be different next time when they come back =P Not as super chills.

In the end, I think it went...really well =P The food was like rushed and everything but we all got to spend like 30 minutes with our accountability partners and I really hoped they got to talk to each other about like...all the things they were going through with each other. C wasn't there yesterday so i ended up spending time with Chung and it was really great because we talked about cell group leading and he reminded me of a lot of things that...well i'd forgotten in the whole rushing and mess of things. Firstly, God has blessed me with an AMAZING cell group with AMAZING people =) Like actually =) Like they're so honest. Like if they don't want to answer a question, they won't answer it and if they're interested, they'll show it. And i guess I really love that about them. So does Chung =P And i'm sure the others do too. And secondly, I can't compare cell groups. I could feel myself doing that the past couple days with the planning and everything. It seemed like we were the only cell group who wasn't at a cell group leader or counselor's house but that didn't matter and turned out Team Fly was at church too =P They were hot potting. Which was pretty cool =)

After a-partner time we just went into...Taboo =) In the end i probably didn't have to bring all the stuff I did. I brought a guitar, wii, wii games and stuff and Taboo. I only needed Taboo =P It took like actually an hour and if we wanted to, we could spend 6 hours doing it and it'd still be fun =) It was really great seeing people get involved and really into it. I think it got kind of competitive =P Especially with Chung. So into it. Boys vs. Girls. And it was just fun because people who didn't usually talk got to play and got to try and get people to guess stuff. I think only one person didn't really get into it. But he had to leave early too. But i'm glad Calvin's got T for his accountability partner. I know he'll be awesome with him =)

I learned a lot last night. I learned to trust God again. And so i'm excited for the next cell group night =) It's gonna be wicked awesome because I just know that it will be. And God will move amazingly in amazing unknown ways =) And i relearned that my cell group is the bomb =) And it was just a really great time, spending time with them =) And just kind of reminded me of cruise times when me and my cousins played taboo until like...1 or 2 and we still wouldn't want to stop =P

So now I should go. A small run down of today. My mom came home =) And she just spent some time to eat dinner. Maybe she's staying overnight. Probably gonna go back to my grandma's tomorrow but it's still nice seeing her =) Haven't seen her in like a week. more actually. and today's worship practice was a little lonely in the booth but had some good time praying with each other in the super cold sanctuary =P
well time for the dissection write up =)

p.requests:
- really put my trust in the Lord. That He will work amazing things
- discipline to do my work, help out in house and NOT play games
- spend more prayer and time in cell group leading =) because it's awesome

thanks =)

-Chris

grab hold before it's gone

2009-11-25T18:57:00.000-08:00

Hey

So I haven't blogged since Sunday and it's been...a really crazy past 3 days. Like i've been so on edge it seems with other people and so unable to plan things and to get everything...organized. I can see it in the way I interact with other people and I guess I kind of feel bad for that. Like I haven't been...the best kind of person these past few days.

I've been having tests...major tests for the past 2 days and i guess it's been kind of hard because i'm so stressed out about studying and i know i should be...but i end up being stressed. And for bio it wasn't that bad because i came out of the test feeling alright. Today it was calc and it was...difficult. And afterwards I felt so disappointed in myself. Because it's not even about the mark that I get back from. It's the fact that I didn't study as much as I should've. And I kind of stayed up with my dad last night and we reviewed some stuff and it seemed okay but come test time....I had no faith in myself and my math ability afterwards.
Afterwards I was talking to a friend who was staying after school as well and he told me how he had failed one question and it was like 5/11 marks and he was...pretty chills about it.

And then I guess i realized that it was because I felt like I had kind of failed my parents. I've always had an alright time getting high marks and i'm blessed with a brain that can take in information relatively well. Like when I study i probably have to study for less time than the average person in my class and still get higher than them. But I guess i can't do that anymore. And I know that. I have to get disciplined and DO my math. and keep up with it. and not just assume i know it.
My mom called me while I was still at school and while I was telling her about the math test I felt myself tearing and it was the first time in a long time that I had been tearing for reasons that weren't related with yawning. And it was from that overwhelming feeling of failure and like i'd let them down. Because they invest a lot of time in me. They don't make me do a lot of chores. They let me go to church. And they trust that I'll do well in school and that i'll try. And getting a probably 60% on a math test just...isn't what they're invested for. I don't know really how to put it. But bottom line I guess is just that I felt like I let them down. And in a sense it goes with God too. like He's blessed me with this crazy ability to memorize and all that but I'm not using it to the fullest of it's ability. I should put it to work. And serving in church is not an excuse to not working hard. Because i need to balance.

I realized that my mom's been gone for...a good week now. More. And it's weird because life's kind of gone on the same. I talk to her on the phone. I think I like doing more stuff. Even packing my own lunch has a feeling that...i'm doing something. And today I learned to peel an orange efficiently and I can just feel in general that I'm not as super lazy and that I'm doing stuff and I hope I continue it even after my mom comes back. I like spending time with my dad. Even if it's just talking about math and random stuff.

And today we had wednesday chill groups and it was nice to just hang out with them. Didn't really get to talk to them as much about like issues we're all going through but it was nice anyways. Just knowing that I can always talk to them and go to them.

I guess the night is drifting on. Drifting Wood. CGN. haha i'm kind of excited =)
excited for a-group time =)

p.requests:
- loving people i don't know
- discipline to do my work and to do stuff around the house =)

thanks

-Chris

we didn't come to worship under any other Name

2009-11-22T11:24:00.000-08:00

Hey

Woke up this morning and I ended up making breakfast and everything for myself. Usually my mom's downstairs but I came down and it was still dark and it was kind of fun just doing everything. And letting my dad sleep in =P

Got to church and worship was good. Short. Fast. Got to chill on the stage for a little and it was nice not being super rushed and stressing about time. Driven didn't have any AV person so i did some rush AV until Ben came then it was fine. We prayed in groups before service. And it's something we haven't done in a while. We've been so rushed these last couple of months that we didn't get to really pray for a bit before worship started. The sermon was good. It's a message I think I need to hear. Like i know it. And it's probably something that's been said at least 20 times to me because I've been here for like...7 years. It was about reaching out to other people and not to let culture , area and laziness get in the way.

Children worship was...it was fun today =) The kids did the actions and it was just kind of less stressful because when we stared at each other between actions we were all kind of laughing because we weren't completely sure about them. And she looked happier. Which is good. She looked so tired in the morning, hope she got enough rest.

Got to practice some stuff with the youth worship team for the Christmas Eve Chinese Service. Was pretty fun =P Gonna try and do some black gospel with Jeff. And Kevin when he comes to a practice =P It was good, just joking around and singing and just...having a blast =P

Did my testimony today for the video and I was kind of nervous about it because it was kind of rushed and when I got there we were an hour behind because some people had taken more than 30 minutes which is reasonable and understandable. I kind of had some freak out ness for a while. Like Si ended up not changing anything but what took the longest was me doing it and just kind of sitting there going over the points. In the end I ended up looking super nervous, kind of serious and at the end i go ridiculous. But that's alright i guess =P
I'm actually kind of hoping my school friends come. I don't know if they would because they're....well they're not really strongly religiously affiliated and I don't know if they'd see it as a big thing. Plus they might have work. But we'll see. I kind of invited them. Need to find out what time it is though before I tell them again.

well i guess it's time to go.

p.requests:
- discipline; not getting lazy
- for school...i guess not to be so rushed as to not spend time praying. even when i'm walking.

-Chris

You took the fall. and thought of me. above all

2009-11-21T19:20:00.000-08:00

Hey

So yesterday was accountability night. I'll keep this super short because well...I need to get to sleep but yesterday was...well it was pretty awesome =) in it's own little way =) Like every week. R wasn't here this week in Drifting Wood. Oh to backtrack, I went early and I kind of couldn't find PY so i didn't end up going to Joy practice =\ Which kind of sucks because it actually did happen and I kind of feel bad for missing it. I basically did math with Marco and kind of just...chilled with worship team....until calvin came. And nat . Then we planned the night =) I love when we do that. Sit in a room, talk about each other's lives, go through the plan lightly. Know what each other's doin. So Freddy got a beta version of the new pro presenter =P LAGGY. But in the end it kind of worked out. I guess they're excited to see it come out =P. Me? I don't mind the old one =P But for our cell group it was good. R wasn't there. So it was a little more quiet. But other people answered =P And my accountability partner was C. and it was nice talking to him. I know he's not fully open with me but it's alright because it's still deep. His use of words is....quite good =P Like he knows how to speak in an eloquent manner =P I'm really looking forward to being his accountability partner because he's really awesome and just... yea =)

Today....well it was quite a day. This morning I did worship practice and...I got to fellowship with a great friend =) A great friend. And it was strange because I could see how her experiences were kind of things I'd gone through. And for a lot of it while she spoke I couldn't come up with anything to say but...maybe that's okay. Maybe all I was there for was an ear. And hopefully I did it well. So that was a super way to start off the morning. Reminded me of the old rooftop days. When it was a while ago =)

Then I went to Markville's Roots because my mom wanted me buy sweaters and stuff because my aunt had a 50% coupon on like everything. I ended up buying 2 sweaters and one pair of sweat pants for $100. And i felt like I broke the vow i made. To not buy anything. And there's a part of me that says it's okay because i'll use it and whatnot but....still. Did I really need those? And it doesn't equate if i give like $100 in return to World Vision or something like that because I'd do it anyway. I guess I'm struggling with whether I needed it or not. And what's necessary. And what I should be spending my money for. I guess it's something for me to really think about. I officially gave Drifting Wood our Christmas challenge last night. I'm really excited to see what happens. And I think...we'll be able to match it =) But I pray it's so much that we can't match it =P Because it's so much. That'd be absolutely amazing.

Tonight I wasted a good 1.5 hours doing stupid things. Flash games to be exact. And I got so sick of myself and my lack of self control that after dinner I committed to not turn on the computer until i finished my portrait and studied for bio. And I thank God because I was able to do it. And it felt good. Not being consumed by worldly things that mean nothing. And art's always fun. A little pencil shading here, a little smudging here. Good release =) I'm kind of sad I didn't get to talk to many people tonight. But I'm glad I got things done. And I have to summarize that testimony =P Well that's about it for now. It's getting late.

P. requests:
- discipline
- really pray about what I do and where i put my money and also not to put that much emphasis on money. Because it's not the only way i can give. it's nearly the smallest way i can give
- real devotions with a real devoted heart

peace =)
-Chris

eyes on the Unseen

2009-11-19T18:22:00.000-08:00

Hey

Firstly, it's some epic weather outside. Looks kind of like those mystery novels. Misty, warm, kind of rainy and it's like gorgeous. But I was thinking to myself like...it should be snowing. Not misting. We've kind of blown up our world kind of insanely. It's so damaged that it can't snow in november anymore because the weather's so tripped up =\. Like it makes it seem nice...but I guess not for those who like the snow.

Today I was kind of focused I think on marks which is something I shouldn't be. Like I got my calc test back today and I was like OH SNAP because the mark was kind of...bad =\ Like i'm probably getting the worst marks of my entire high school years in calc. But when I was back home I was thinking about where that comes from. Where that sense of failure came from. There were two sources. One was the fact that I felt like I had kind of let down my dad because I can totally do the stuff and because he spent time with me the night before the test to help me study. But the second was based on marks and how my marks were going to drop and all that jazz. And then I told myself that rationale was alright because it was grade 12 and it was for university. But who even knows if I'm going to university. I found myself being consumed by something that was rather trivial. And I was asking God to take that from me. to take away my obsession with marks and just to give me a heart to want to do well and use the gifts He's given me.

I also went to Koolskool today. It was nice =) Pretty chills. I think i'm a little lazy =P It's different. From what I used to remember it as. They did worship for like the first time today. I wish I was there for like a sound check or just to hear them practice. It's nice being back. It's a pretty chills ministry and it kind of reminds me of peer helping =P The kids are....kind of the same. Well maybe the Koolskool ones are more lively =) And then I got to kind of chill with some of them afterwards. I realized Koolskool's REALLY short. Like it's just an hour and a half and it feels like it disappears really fast. But it's amazing to see the change in some of the kids. And hopefully some of them absorbed the message and the worship. I hope i can go back soon.

That probably concludes it up. I need to make my cell group bucket. For the moneys. For the challenge. I'm excited to see how they respond =) They're super amazing. Gonna see them tomorrow. Hopefully we have some discussion =)

p. requests:
- just to work hard and not to worry about marks
- diligent and disciplined in everything I do
- mom

thanks team

-Chris

where are you with discipline?

2009-11-18T18:33:00.000-08:00

Hey

So I just finished reading a blog that's kind of like a devo. Actually got it off py =P It's pretty cool. Maybe I need to do that more. Take like the verses and dissect them one by one instead of just going through an entire chapter and taking the chapter's message. Well both are necessary. It talked about discipline. And it's a word that's really been in my life recently. Discipline. Discipline to do devos. Discipline to keep up with people. Discipline to not play flash games. Discipline to help out around the house. Discipline to not be lazy. I think that's a big one. I can find myself being really lazy sometimes.

Thank God that I've been able to do my devos consistently and just sitting there in bed aganist the wall every night just gives me time to think and even though I sleep a little later because of it, I think I'd rather spend that time awake and spending it praying than asleep because it just calms you down.

And now I must go. But thought I'd just write a little about that =P

So goodnight and farewell =)

p.requests:
- discipline =P
- mom

You paint the morning sky, with miracles in mind

2009-11-17T15:16:00.001-08:00

Hey

So yesterday morning I woke up at like 6:10 to say goodbye to my mom as she left for the hospital and i hugged her for like the first time in a while. My family's not very touchy. But it felt like it was going to be alright. My mom didn't look too worried and that morning for some odd reason even though I'd only got 5 and a half hours of sleep, i felt pretty awake and up.

The whole day I think I spent more time praying within the walking time and everything. It's Week...B so it's a little more rushed from 2nd to 3rd but it's alright. And it went well. The operation. She's actually out now. She sounded tired yesterday on the phone but it was alright. She's over at my grandma's for a week to recuperate and to not increase her stress levels with like house work. That's pretty good I guess and a chance for her to just relax after.

I guess it's been a pretty all in all good 2 days. Today we had a drunk driving and impaired driving presentation by a guy who i couldn't fully understand for the majority of the time but I guess it reminded me of the message on Sunday and how Cheryl said to ask God to break your heart for those who didn't know him. And it's sad how so many people turn to drugs because they feel unworthy or they need something to supplement their pain or something to just do. And if only they knew God, they wouldn't have to go to those things. They could find support and love from a small group or just...anything. And so maybe that was a realization today. Because after Crazy Love i've been focused so much on like 3rd world countries and i've forgotten about the immense pain that

no way but onward, no day but today

2009-11-15T14:06:00.000-08:00

Hey

So last night, I had some fun over at Ben's house and it was fun hanging out with my friends and we went to the park, did some ridiculous things as we ALWAYS do in public =P Though there weren't too many people out and it was only 5 too. The sun sets so quickly nowadays. Me and marco were talking about it and how you always feel like it's crazy late even when it's only like....5. Like right now I feel like it's 11 at night. It's only 7:30 =P But it's been a crazy weekend. Full of...things that are just exploding all over the place =P. My friends got me Taboo and Disney Sing It. I don't know what i'm going to do with Sing It =P They're a little crazy sometimes but I love them all =) I really didn't need presents though. I remember someone last night said something about being happy and I said I'd be happy if there was no presents and we just chilled together. And it's true. And i'm sure it is for a lot of people. Me and my mom were talking about it today, it's really hard to get presents for people after a while. Like we're getting matt a present now and I just hope we don't spend it ridiculously and we get him something REAL and USEFUL. Because lately I've really been feeling like God's given me the wealth i have to give to others. I'm trying to save up for a missions trip in...July? Eagle Bay =)

So last night when we were all home from our outings and whatnot, we all sat down and took a picture with the cake that we had bought. It was apparently the one with the most ACTUAL cake cause you know these days when you buy a cake you don't really buy cake, you buy icing and filling and all the cheaper mousse and it's like oversweetened and whatnot. Well it didn't have too much cake =P But it was alright. My mom said it's like the ONLY time we ever take family pictures. Well one of the rare moments =P Me and my sister have developed poses that don't require us to smile =P And so for the majority of the pictures we had weird poses. Like look at one another and point and make squished up faces =P It was fun. And then afterwards they sat us down and the 4 of us kind of talked officially about my mom's condition and the surgery. And it wasn't like it was sobering on my birthday to hear it but more like....I don't know...i valued sitting like that. The last time it was the 4 of us like that...the situation was less pleasant. And i realized that the situation we were in now had brought the family closer. My parents were getting along much better. I was starting to become more active. And my sister...well she's in Kingston but still.
And it's such a miracle that we even know about it because usually my mom's normal doctor wouldn't have allowed her to take a mammogram and she wouldn't have found out about it but she went to her doctor she hadn't seen in 6 years and it just happened that she let her take a mammogram. PTL =) indeed

My sister left tonight. I had planned to go shopping with her but my mom persuaded me not to go because she had a lab report to do. And I guess I wanted to talk to her about some stuff but we didn't the chance. I guess i'll see her in a couple weeks but it's always nice having her home. She's such an epic influence =P Well I should be off. Waking up early tomorrow.

p.requests:
- Trust in the Lord
- Mother
- Discipline for myself

-Chris

you sing all around, but i rarely hear a sound

2009-11-14T09:54:00.000-08:00

haha hey =)

So today's a BEAUTIFUL DAY! in terms of the crazy amazing weather =) It's WARM! and it's like mid november. Which is kind of trippy. According to my mom usually when me and my sister were born, it had snowed on like the day of. And then up to a couple years ago, it stopped snowing so early. I wonder if that's a good thing. Probably not. But it kind of makes me happy that it's still warm on some days in November. =) Beautiful day. Agnes' home =P which i guess is always a nice thing to have. Makes the house louder. With random music =P and the car. And it's nice to just talk to her =) It's good =) And it was supposed to be a surprise =P but my parents are absolutely TERRIBLE at keeping secrets =) So um...they kind of failed =P but it was good effort. And so she's back. And it's good times =) She's amazing. Spiritually, emotionally, sisterly =)

Last night was another KNA night. And at first I was kind of freaking out because I couldn't make the AV set up and my clock was an hour late so i thought i was SUPER LATE when i woke up from my nap but i wasn't. And i couldn't make the 6:30 meet up for the discussion for the program because my sister came home and we just wanted to eat dinner together. And it was good. Because I went to KNA like...refreshed. And I was kind of in a rush but it was alright because it was like there wasn't any burdens because I'd just spent family time and we laughed SO MUCH. and I loved it =) And when I got to KNA it was crazy because NOBODY other than K-cab was there. I thought i was early. But i wasn't =P And i thought it was a k-cab meeting. And it was the discussion and it'd just ended =P And so i'm like WHAT! but it was good because me and Calvin got to talk about what we were doing in it. And we talked and we got to pray and we went over the program. And it was just amazing that God gave us that time to talk about it even though I"d been late. Nat couldn't lead that night. and B.wong came a little later but we coordinated after =)
Ended up doing both AV jobs but it was alright. I'm slow at slides =P But that's alright. It was some good meditating time. Haven't heard Amazed in a long time. I think I really like that song =) And funny thing is it's the first song that popped up when i clicked my blog to listen to some tunes =) The activity was funny =P Yay for not knowing when New Moon comes out eh? And just in general it was good. And then we got to discussion and this week it felt like a lot more people talked and we went in circles and it was just awesome to see people talking =) and R's so active. He's so eager! =) I love it =P Though he gives like the bombest answers and so nobody else really answers because he's covered most of it =P So sometimes i have to restrict him =)
The discussion felt more natural. The points were easy and it didn't take a lot of sheet looking so Praise the Lord =) I love my cell group. I think I"m going to challenge them with the giving thing. The other CGL's agreed to it. =)
And yesterday I got like....3 cards and 1 drawing. A beautiful one i might add. =) Thanks so much PY. I framed it this morning. I'm like "YES! I CAN FINALLY USE THE FRAME!" because I've had the frame for a year and nothing fit =P And now something does =) And I got caked. And it was just fun to wash it off. Because getting cake exfoliation is always the best =P And i'm just grateful that I have such amazing friends in fellowship that would make cards and just....so much insanity =) I love them so much. Thank you God for such amazing friends.
I have yet to give Freddy his tour of his office =P He needs one.

p.requests:
- that i take more time with God just sitting with Him in prayer
- Thanksgiving =)
- my mom.
- that i take hold of this amazing day. and let him control it. Because he's made me =) And made me glad.

-Chris

Loves like a hurricane, i am a tree

2009-11-12T17:26:00.000-08:00

Hey

So today is a pretty chill day =) Which i guess is pretty good. Time to just think.

Learned how to wash rice =P As ridiculous and rudimentary as that sounds, i officially learned it today =) Which is good because now I'm ready for next week when hopefully i'll be doing half the chores of the house. I'm actually kind of excited for that because then i feel like i'm ACTUALLY contributing. I feel like often i don't contribute enough and sometimes my mom doesn't think i should be doing it because i'm "busy" when i'm not really but she thinks i am. So that'll be something. Kind of worried bout my mom =\ like how she'll be after it and the recuperating stages of it. I'm really grateful that people are praying for her =)

So yesterday was possibly the most stressful day of peer helping yet. Because the teacher left and he left the class with an in-class investigation that was open book, individual and was going to be marked like a test. Not the greatest idea =\ especially because the topic was more like....i don't know, they didn't know it that well. so they had ALOT of questions. so like 5 minutes in, 80% of the class had their hands up. and that was pretty intense. because that's a lot of kids that need help =\ and when you don't get to them fast enough...they start talking. And it was bad that they were talking because then they didn't get any work done =\ the first sub was alright except he explained the question differently than me and his explanation kind of confused the students so not too much help but he was alright. And then the second sub thought i was a regular student and told me to sit down =P the kids laughed at me for a good minute. and then we got back to work. kind of. =\ In the end most of them finished. But there were a couple that stayed a couple minute after school and i didn't have to go to my locker so i let them stay a couple extra minutes because I really wanted them to finish because they were smart kids just...really distracted =\ It was a learning experience i guess. I think i had to raise my voice once or twice yesterday because there was just so much talking and not enough working. Hopefully they didn't take that as me being angry. Because i don't think i was. Just a little frustrated. And needed to get it across the room.

Last night was the regular meet up and I was kind of really excited for it or at least just really anticipating seeing them because I love Wednesday nights. They kind of just make my week so much better because right in the middle of the week I can just spend time with some of my coolest friends and just talk about whatever =) This week...well it was more like manual laborizing =P So it's P.Fred's birthday tomorrow and I figured that while I was there I'd maybe clean up his room. Dustin, PY and Ben joined in and we literally EMPTIED his room. Simon provided us with a soundtrack while he Ophelloed it out =P So we took out EVERYTHING. Shoved it into the hallways and then we started. PY and Ben started on the papers which were SO MANY. but they tanked it and made folders and everything. Simon made tabs =) Dustin and me took out the boxes, shoved things INTO boxes. I figured out how many devo books freddy had that night. WAY TOO MANY! So all the art stuff is in one area now and it's prettied up =) It was funny because when we took everything out, we were all like IT'S SO CLEAN! and it was funny because it was only clean because there was nothing inside =P I also made an observation. Freddy's got the smallest office and the most stuff =P. So it was some intensive cramming. Tetris skills! Took us like 3 hours in total. Some crazy stuff. But it's a lot cleaner. Though he might need a tour of his room =P considering we kind of shoved everything into different places. Not that he'll be looking for the books i put in his shelf anytime soon =P We joked that his whole office was basically like a GIANT cardboard box with a computer in it =) Pastor Angelina was laughing at our efforts. Glad he likes it. =) And it was super fun =) Can't wait to see that video of him seeing it. Hope it's like....decent quality =P

Thank you God for being so awesome the past couple days. That I could just spend time with my friends. Spend time with you. And just spend time thinking about everything. Excited for tomorrow =) Fellowship's always amazing =)

P.Requests:
- Time with God
- Patience and Love in just everything I do
- Mom? =)

thanks
-Chris

you're the Peace to the restless

2009-11-10T18:07:00.000-08:00

Hey

Yesterday was probably one of the most stressful days i've had in a while. Well stressful only because of school. Not because of fellowship or anything else but it was maddening trying to study, and finish a presentation and i ended up sleeping at like 12:20 ish. And i guess it wasn't something i was used to or rather something i hadn't experienced in a really long time. And i felt so...i don't quite know but as if i'd focused on the wrong things. That the presentation and the test weren't really all that big in the long run and I wish i would've spent more time doing devos. Because it's just so much more calming when i spend time reading the Word and reflecting.

Today I did the test, the presentation and everything and in the end the test wasn't as great as i expected it to be and i didn't do so well but i came out not freaking out. And it was calming. And PTL for that =) And i looked at some pictures that'd i'd developed and it was nice, remembering the amazing things that have happened these last couple of months like VBC, coffeehouse, softball, and the cruise. And it was just nice to remember that you know? like i feel like i've been getting so caught up in the past couple of weeks that i've forgotten the past couple months. PTL =)

I'm also H1N1 resistant now. Or hopefully. Now that i got that needle inserted into my body. My mom wanted me to get it. And I'm trying to be more willing so i did it. and it's alright i think. it's just going to hurt for the next couple of days. But now i guess i'm less susceptible of getting it...i think. If vaccines work. I never get them. Usually. =)
So just a short post. Going to spend some good devo time tonight =)
some good stuff.
thanks

p.requests:
- trust in the Lord
- be more obedient in terms of parents and God

One Last Day

2009-11-08T14:14:00.000-08:00

Hey

So I just finished biking and taking that time just one more time around the neighborhood on a bike and the fresh air and everything before the autumn season ended. It was rather quick really. It's already been around 3 months since school started. Or maybe 2. But still, it's been 2 months. 60 days. 1440 hours. 86400 minutes. That's a lot of minutes. A really big amount. And yet it seems to have flown by so fast.
I guess maybe this is a reminiscing post =) I'm reading a long post from my friend as well. Which reminds me that I need to reply the email to another friend which is long overdue. =)

I feel like these past 2 months have passed by really fast. But along with new lessons. There's always new lessons =) Growth. Growth in God i think primarily. Because it's the moments that I spend with God and looking for God and seeing Him that really....make my day.
Because school seems to have passed by really fast, as if i'm just drifting through it and the only thing that makes me feel remotely helpful or that i'm doing something that's eternally based is peer helping. And for that course i'm actually so truly thankful. Because as much as my friends think it's a burden and that's it's super boring and not going to help me with all my university applications, it builds me up. It's humbling because I'm grade 11 and they're grade 9 and I can't think i'm superior because 1. i'm not 2. just not how it works son. And i love walking in there everyday and just having something that's not purely academic and if a student needs help I'll just...go over there =) It's so...easy =) But not in like a "oh i'll pass this course with flying colors" kind of easy but more like it's a lot more natural than learning calculus =P
And they teach me things too. Well not really =P They tried teaching me how to do a rap move. I totally can't do it. And proud that I can't =) I also don't know who Drake is. I'm old school for that. And maybe I am =) But I think God's been building up my patience as well because sometimes it can be difficult teaching them and when they don't put in the effort but you know they can TOTALLY do it and you want to see them pass and do well soooo darn badly. It's good though =) Made some nice cool grade 9 friends. Doesn't make me age ignorant =) And i'm excited for the lesson i'm going to teach =) So that's school. Oh and bringing my friends to fellowship was a really big thing but i really hope i can keep that up. Not just bringing them to big events. But also to just...anything =) with some prayer.

Next would probably be my cell group. It seems like it hasn't been very long since we all met each other. But if you think about it, it's already been 1/6 of the KNA year. And i'm glad that i have the amazing co cell group leaders that i have =) And my cell group's really amazing. Quiet at times and most of the girls are more reserved but I can see them growing and I know i have to trust in God that they'll grow and that He'll use me, nat, brian and calvin to lead in whatever way He has called us to lead.

And i've grown in God. I think i've been doing devotions for....a while =) And i'm glad i'm taking it from the Bible because it's so much more real and it kind of amazes me how it was written so long ago and it's still relevant today. Like i'm listening to a sermon right now and the preacher is talking about how in the Bible is the best economic advice in the WORLD ever and it was written 2000 years ago. Said by Jesus. And it's crazy because economy back then was probably different. There wasn't a stock market, there wasn't a lot of variables and yet the advice can be carried on through the 2000 years and will carry on 3000 years from now if the Earth is still here and it's just awesome =) and it helps with my discipline. Because doing devos at 11:30 is doing devos and i'll be pushing myself to sleep earlier because i have to do devos and it's....great =)

And so today I went on a little biking adventure and it was amazing. The weather was gorgeous and just travelling around my neighborhood with my camera for the first time in a while was great. I went to a park just past Major Mac to visit Ryan and try and find out where he lived but I ended up at his park and it was like one of the coolest parks ever =) like it's made so cooly. It's like the park close to BA. And I just sat there. And the sun was setting at like 5 but it didn't matter because it was still a little warm and there were just 2 families in the area =) It was a pair of grandparents and this little child no more than 4 years old. and it was just so amazing. The kid was beautiful =) And they were playing with him and carrying him and his grandpa was just like SOOO energetic. And when people ask me about what i want to be when i grow up, i don't really know. I just know that God's put this giant passion for being a father =) And that's what I say. I'm not really worried about university. Because to be honest, it's not that big of a deal. I'm going to have God. That's about all i need right? =)

Another thing. After Crazy Love, which i ended up lending to Taylor, I'm really trying to live it out. And it's been getting better. Today in baptismal class we talked about tithing. And I have a "job" now. Apparently =P I didn't think i'd get paid for tutoring my little cousin. But I'm glad i do. I guess i'm trying to put off shopping until at least the new year. And it's hard in some senses. I have this giant puffy Gap coat that's white, orange and grey and it's warm and it fits but i can feel myself making up excuses to buy a new coat. But i'm not going to. Because a $200 coat i don't need can ship $12000 worth of clothes to children who don't have warm clothes. The World Vision Catalogue seems to have found it's way into my spending habits =P It's good. And I hope I can keep this up. Because i really don't feel a need to buy things. And there's just....something about it eh? =) Praying that it'll continue and it's some good character discipline building. =)

So that's the end of that. Pretty long one. Haven't done one so long in a while =) took me a while to write too =P but it's good.

p. requests:
- discipline to not play games and actually legitly do work
- trust in God
- family time (spent some time in the kitchen today. it was good =)

-Chris

Remember the Sacrifice

2009-11-07T20:10:00.000-08:00

Hey

So lately I guess I've been feeling like i've been wasting my time or a lot of my of time. The time that God gave me to work in this world and to follow Him and to simply love Him. And i waste it on the dumbest things. Like honestly I spent an hour this morning on my dad's itouch playing some tower defense game. I need to discipline myself. I'm glad that i'm disciplining myself to do devos everyday no matter what time it is. But it needs to spread into my entire life. As they were saying tonight.

Yesterday was the bible study and it went with some glitches but for the most part, i think it was alright and PTL that people were able to resonate with it from what I heard from the cell group leaders. For my own cell group, I guess i was a little uneasy with nat not being there but it was really great that brian and calvin were there but we had to rush it in the end. I guess it felt kind of forced with my cell group but maybe it wasn't. Maybe they got something out of it. And i guess that's a big part of cell group leading. Trusting that the Lord has a plan for how the cell group was going to grow.

Today I had my TC AV interview. It was alright. AFC headquarters are cozy =) Saw PY there. And it was pretty relaxed overall. I'll know in a couple weeks =P

And then I guess the main thing is tonight. K-cab got together and it was just so much fun cooking and bonding and watching Remember the Titans. And the little time that we had to talk, it was great because we all shared and there were some things that were so...real and it was just amazing how we were so open to one another. It was like candle light sharing. But one round. But that was enough =) Loved it. Hope we get to spend more time with each other in just prayer and bonding.

And i just finished my testimony. CRAZY RUSH!
gotta send it to joe
and sleep
=)

p. requests:
- parents , they ain't christian and my mom...well
- discipline
- trust in God
- just spending more time with Him in general

peace

would you break this hardened heart?

2009-11-03T18:57:00.000-08:00

hey

so i'll keep it short today considering it's already 10 and i really should be doing my devos, sleeping and what not.
last night i felt kind of bad because i stayed up till 1 doing my project and my mom was helping me even though i told her to go to bed because i know she's more susceptible to like flu and stuff than i am. and in the end the main reason why it was so rushed was because i couldn't read dates properly and also because i need to be more self disciplined =\
for the past week i've been sitting at a computer for most of the day and sometimes i'm doing stuff. and sometimes i'm just playing games =\ and this is something God really needs to change in me. Because when i fill my life with garbage like flash games, i have no time left to do His work. Shortcomings. I just came up with that word. And it seems to apply =\

i wanted to reply to an email today. to catch up with a friend. to do my testimony. to write a sponsorship letter. to start on a lesson plan.
I got one of those things done today. Somehow 3 hours just seemed to fly by and pass. Sometimes my conversations with people are fruitful. and yet, sometimes there's a lot of empty space between them and no real substance. But i guess today i also spent like a LITTLE more time in the kitchen. Which i think i'll start doing. Because i learn to cook and spend some time with my parents.
Also, the bible study's still...a little worrying. And i'm not thinking about it as much as I should. And i need to give it up to God.
And to give myself more devo time, i will go now.

p.requests:
- that I will give God the things that i'm still holding onto
- to be more self disciplined
- to not be worried about things that are just too small to worry about
- to be focused

thanks =)
-Chris

It's a rising up all around...

2009-11-01T13:33:00.000-08:00

Hey

I just got back from bible pre-study and well...I'm not quite sure but I think it went really well. But not because of the outline that me and nat and calvin made, but because k-cab is absolutely amazing. I guess I had felt kind of worried and nervous before the prestudy. I think a lot of it came from just feeling like I hadn't prepared very much and I actually hadn't looked at it since last sunday when we all planned it together =\ And nat wasn't going to be there. But i'd known that for at least a week.
I think a lot of myself today was overworried. Over worried about the food. And in a sense, overworried about the prestudy. It was good to hear their comments. And it was short. And I do need to work on planning. And logistics. And need to come up with an activity. Me and calvin. And nat if she's not too busy tonight. But that's all stuff that can be done relatively quickly. I'm just so glad that K-cab's so open.
We split off into 2 groups during the pre study and shared about our own relation to the bible study and it was just really good sharing in a circle. It felt....like fellowship. Something I guess we haven't had in a while since tuesdays ended. And I'm just so grateful that people were supportive and I pray that God will work in the program. That in the individual cell groups they'll be able to take away the point of it.

Last night was fall fest. It was alright i guess. We pulled together a cute little booth =P. It felt like a lot less kids. A lot less candy/toys and the booths were....well there was some variety but stuff like the patrick kind of scared me a little =P It was good seeing some fellowship people there even though it was mostly cell group leaders and regular church attendees. Kind of reminded me of VBC. Seeing all the kiddies. They were so amazing =) And now that I'm doing children worship, it's gonna be awesome =)

Right now, I'm talking with a person from my cell group and....it's really interesting =) and now i'm writing my baptismal testimony =P before i forget. or run out of time
And i hope i get to spend like real time with God tonight. in devotion. in prayer. in silence. whatever it is.

Everyday with Jesus

2009-10-31T07:55:00.000-07:00

Hey

I wanted to blog last night but I figured I could remember it in the morning. And i vaguely do =)
Last night was our first official cell group night that we planned and it went...amazingly =)
We started off with some cooking and it actually took like an hour more than we expected it too =P because you know, we're just bad at timing like that but it was alright and i found out that one pack of pasta feeds ALOT of people. also i forgot to stir it. poor Hailey. she doesn't like the sound of my nails against the bottom of a pot. And it was fun. Everyone seemed to have something to do. Cept for some people. That went to play ball. And wander a little. Which i guess is the problem with having cooking nights and having people who've already eaten. But otherwise I think...it was awesome =) sadly didn't get pictures. But who needs them when they're embedded firmly into your head? =P

Afterwards we had our little mini worship in the children worship hall. Well one of the classrooms. And it was kind of funny =P it was really chill. And it was alright if people didn't sing because I know there are people in my group who aren't christian. But it was really great hearing other people sing. Like C. haha funny boys. =) and then was discussion. I guess in discussion it was a lot of me, nat and suprisingly R. He's actually like the most amazing boy in the cell group =P well i'm not favoring but i mean like he suprises me like every week. Praying for me, sharing, answering. And he's super helpful! He like asked us if he could wash dishes and i'm like WOOT! =) Love him.

And so the night went pretty well. We had some new people. I think a lot of the fun and the memorable stuff for most would be in the cooking but it was just....amazing altogether =) And i think i'm beginning to understand the progression from quietness to openness and i'm so glad that 2 people shared yesterday. Just small prayer requests. But it's the kinds of things that hint at their openness and I really love that. =)

And last night i practiced for my days of washing dishes in residence =P
wrinkly hands.
_____________________________________________________

Something else I think God's really changing in me is my relationships with my family. For the past week or so my days have been relatively relaxed and I don't have like MOUNDS of homework. More like one or two things that I don't look at too hard and I just get it done. I think. Not sure if that's the best thing =P. But I'm trying to sleep earlier. And I find myself a lot more willing to do chores. And it's good. Because it's like i've been feeling lately before that I've been such a....not a burden but i'm not doing my part in the family. And slowly I think I'm beginning to value my family a lot more. Because I think one of the problems I have is that I'm always doing things in OTHER places. I'm washing dishes at church, doing av at church, helping out at school, and not so much at home. And I know the homefront can sometimes be the place we overlook the most. But with some recent events I hope I continue to see my family more.

And that might just be the conclusion of this blog post =)

p.requests:
- not to get too busy to pray
- to keep in touch with my cell group
- to be open to what God's doing in my life
- to throw myself out there

thanks friends =)

A time for everything under the heavens...

2009-10-29T18:48:00.000-07:00

Hey

So there's a bunch of stuff i need to do. This is more of a to-do list for myself. But also, take a look outside. walk around a park. See the orange leaves drift toward the ground. It's so beautiful. Like the movies they have where it's like a japanese maple dropping leaves in the calm autumn wind. That's like my street. Cept we don't have japanese maples =P
but they're beautiful.
And God made it =) So AMAZINGLY beautiful =)
And it won't happen for a while
enjoy it while it lasts.
just a thought

1. Asperger's Board
2. Finish editing the prestudy material before Sunday
3. Review Vectors/Planes to help C
4. Review the Math that we learnt this week
5. Tutor cousin
6. do AV
7. Attend octoberfest
8. Find the pictures you want to develop
9. Review Bio to make sure you know it
10. Threadless packaging thing (you know what you're talking about)
11. Attend Pre Study
12. PRAY PRAY PRAY and sleep earlier
13. buy some pencils for the math kids. erasers too

that's it
GET IT DONE BOY! that's directed at me
for those who are reading this
-Chris

As it arcs quietly towards the ground....

2009-10-28T15:26:00.000-07:00

a soft echo as it landed on the bumpy pavement below.

Hey

I haven't blogged in a while. I guess it feels like not much has been happening. As if time's just...passing by without me taking much notice of it. Maybe that's a bad thing =| like i need to think more about it and REALLY try and actively see where God is moving and try and be there.

Today we had accountability. It's really great how we meet up =) Something to look forward to. I hope the others look forward to it as much as I do. Because even seeing them is really great. Because usually i just see them twice a week and then for 5 weekdays i don't. But now...i don't know, it keeps me accountable when i need to be and it opens up my musical horizons =P Explosions in the sky was it? =)

anyways, i guess it's been something i have to really keep up with. I also have to remember to buy food for cell group night =\
gotta remember that
and have to sleep earlier
thanks

-Chris

Beautiful One

2009-10-24T09:11:00.000-07:00

Hey

Last night was fellowship as I guess is every Friday. And it was actually....well it had many parts to it and overall though, it was kind of exhausting and at the same time, uplifting.

The school day ended with me running like a crazy person through the halls to my locker and back to the bus. I had just finished a math test. And it had been pretty rushed. But altogether I felt pretty alright. School had been alright that day. Nothing...major. More time spent with my peer helping kids. They're actually beginning to be an amazing part of my day. =P Sometimes it's really funny when they try talking to me about cultural things and now that they know I'm completely non-rap-knowledgeable, it's kind of funny =) And I'm pretty excited about possibly teaching them a lesson and it's just great trying to teach them. And on Friday one of the kids who's usually a joker said in a semi-joking way "why do you care so much?" and i'm like " because i want you to pass this course. Don't you?" And...it was just something that I thought was important. Not quite sure why. But I think it is.
Oh and this past week I went to the AGO and it was just really fun spending time with people that I hadn't spent a lot of time with and just taking picture and being silly and just not having to worry about school =) And there was like massive traffic jam on the way back and I dont' know if God wanted me to talk to the friend I was sitting beside. I guess I really look up to him and he's really awesome but I find it hard to talk to him.

So last night was a Friday night. And it was the second time I did worship. It was also Faith Night. And I had kind of looked over the discussion but to be honest, I wasn't 100% ready. Not even 50=\ but I guess I thought looking it over was good enough. It's not. So I got there early to do worship. And I guess I was kind of surprised to be the guitarist. Usually I'm not the lead acoustic. Just the person who brings it. But it was really something I had to lift up to God because in many ways, it doesn't matter what my skill in guitar is. Just that I do it out of pure worship for God.
And it was actually really great when we prayed, just the 3 of us and they all encouraged me and I was reminded of what worship really is. It's free. It's as simon said, a reaction. It has no rules. Just love, and God.
But it also seemed that worship went by so fast and part of me hadn't been in like...that state where i'd thought over my week and I'd just taken time away before worshipping so I was half there and half not and so afterwards I found myself just saying the words over again and understanding what i'd sung that night. in the shower. After the whole night had gone over. But it was good. I need to get back into that kind of state. Where I'm really just lifting things to God.

The night turned out to be a lot of fun but at the same time it was kind of...shallow. I agree, it seemed kind of fake for some of us and so much of it was kind of like pumping energy out. It was fun but I guess in my group it was hard to bond because there were different levels of comfort and I was the only guy. I kind of wanted to be back in my own cell group. I missed them. But I guess it was also good being back like in the fellowship. But there wasn't much discussion and so I guess it was something I was looking forward to it. But it's nobody's fault. It just happened to be that way. But I think it's good that we have something to talk about next week =)

and today...was good. spent some time in the morning reading the Bible and just....it was good. Though i did waste a lot of time =\ almost finished bio.

p.req: for other people, and that i spend more time with God in silence

-Chris

Giving your life to His purpose...

2009-10-21T19:18:00.000-07:00

Hey

So my last post was kind of short but it was probably to the point and it got out what I felt. Maybe i'm too used to really long posts. But God can work through fewer words as well. So maybe i'll just talk about how life's going in general. School, fellowship, everything.

So I just read another blog post of sorts and it really reminded me of how I really need to take time to get to know my cell group members. Like adding them on msn. Talking to them. Taking the effort to share with them and ask them how they're doing. Because there IS a lot of pain in KNA and there's a lot of prayer that's needed. There's a lot of relationships that need to be built. Not just programs. But real life relationships. People DOING life with one another. haha i just refrenced Q3.

and I guess I was reminded of doing life today. It's a wednesday =) I love wednesdays. Look forward to the a-group so much. It's just...refreshing =) Being able to talk about like ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. And steph came today. it was nice to hear her talking. We haven't had her around for a while. And we each shared about stuff that was on our minds. And it was just good talking to Simon bout school, and there was also the topic of her. I haven't thought about her in a while. And it was re-brought up. I really don't know how I'm doing with that. But I think it's not that big of a deal for me right now. It's more like...it doesn't all that matter in the scheme of things. God has bigger things planned and I can't just get caught up in that.

So my challenge right now for myself is to become active. To find a way to still communicate with God. To not get frustrated about marks because they're just SOOO small. I miss it. I feel like i've been so disconnected. I miss summer when it was so much easier to just spend time in silence. Now i feel like i'm on the move a lot. And it's just the night time. But then I feel like the time during school becomes so...empty because God doesn't touch my mind as much there. So let's do it. That's probably the prayer request of the week. And I have to remember to pray for others.
And i found out one of my peer helping kids is protestant =) he told me. Cool =)

-Chris

Spirit of Timidity?

2009-10-20T15:24:00.000-07:00

2 Timothy 1:7
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.

Hey

I was reading this yesterday during devos and it kind of stuck in my head. It was actually a pretty darn good verse. Maybe just in the circumstance i'm in but the big word was timidity. I feel like for the past while i've been so....passive in a sense. I await for things to come and i'm really excited about them but that also means that I'm not excited for the parts that I'm not excited for. Maybe that was a little bad in terms of wording but I mean like....at school I feel like i'm so rushed now that I don't even have time to talk to God in the hallways. To meditate on a class. To meditate on the things that happened. I'm getting so caught up everything at school and just getting from place to place that I don't realize things that are happening.

So I need to find a way to just...calm down and take it slower and just reflect. And also, the verse said spirit of LOVE and SELF-DISCIPLINE. Those I guess are major things for me right now. I don't feel very loving. At least not actively =\ It's like i've become terribly lazy. Like I barely do anything anymore. And that links into self-discipline. To actively do things. To just...take that time to sleep earlier, to pray more, to love others. That's self -discipline is it not? =\ I need to do that.
so i guess that'd be the prayer request. thanks
-Chris

Thighs of Steel

2009-10-17T15:39:00.000-07:00

Hey

So this morning I woke up and I did something that normal people don't usually do. I hopped on my bike and biked 50km for refugees. And maybe that doesn't sound as fun as it actually was =P It was just me, Sam and Valente and originally I had planned to just do 25km because it was kind of chilly and whatnot but they went and wanted to do 50km and seeing as I had most of my day off anyway....
So we started at like 10 from the Church and we rode north up Kennedy. I know it's north because we passed Stouffville road which is North =P It was pretty intense going up and when we reached our first pit stop, we knew we weren't entirely ready for it. Because we thought it was the first 10km. And it was only the first 5 km. So we stopped there for WAY longer than we should've =P fixed up Sam's trippy bike and got some food. Food being chewy bars and water and hot chocolate =) we didn't know we wouldn't see a pit stop for a good 15km of uphill.
So we came to like the most intense hill set ever. Like your electronic bike can't even imagine this with it's fancy programmed settings. Because it was like....intense =P we had to stop at every hill top because there were so many of them and because it was so physically straining. But PTL! =) We made it. and then we got to the pit stop.
Oh and we saw this HUMONGOUS green (tractor * truck)^2 thing and it took up a lane and a half without even trying and it scared us so badly. But we made it alive =) And freddy kind of cheered us on by driving by us and honking and taking pictures WHILE driving which is extremely dangerous =P Don't try it at home kids. or on the road.

We got to the pit stop and then after it was SO much easier. It took us the same amount of time to finish the 30km that it took us to finish the 15km uphill. It was pretty funny =p On the way back it was BEAUTIFUL scenery and it was pretty smooth. just the fact that your butt hurts a lot. From sitting on the seat for so long. we didn't take many pit stops. It was fun. And we saw freddy a couple times. It started getting hot and it wasn't like really cold or anything. We actually sweated so much =P I know I did. Sweat through 5 layers of clothing. Each one was wet by the end. But it was just really relaxing and there was no worries when doing it. We were just...doing it. I'll probably do it more often in the summer. or the spring. just not so late in october =P makes it harder to dress. But seeing the leaves change up north is amazing =) they're so much nicer than down here. There's a building like...every 100m. Here it's a building every metre.

Last night was fellowship. Was the first time I did worship. It was quite the experience and maybe a lesson that I need to learn. I did worship last year but it was different. Different team. And also not as much instruments. Yesterday I had gone to school and I didn't do so well on my math test but that's not a big deal and I went to fellowship and it seemed to just drop from my mind because fellowship can just do that =) Worship practice was fun though we didn't get through everything and the night started. I still hadn't fully created my sharing but I guess it worked out. I really liked the silent time because it really gave me time to think. To just think about worship and the words and how I needed to let go. I was regretful that cell group time was so short. We didn't think we had enough time so we split into pairs but i do understand nat's need of whole cell group prayer and discussion. I miss that. We need more of that =\ And my own time with my partner....it was....he seemed to be looking somewhere else and I think i know that he's going through something but...yea. It'll take some time for our whole cell group to bond better but it'll happen. And last night's worship....it felt really messy and I couldn't fully sing out because I was so unsure of WHAT to sing because the guitars were just so loud and i could barely hear evelyn, kevin or myself so it...was kind of hard =\ but from the feedback from the group it appears that they didn't realize. They all had a good time of worship. We'll have to work on that though. Coordination. Maybe do it like Agnes' Praise and Power.

So now it's work time. so i best be going. AV tomorrow too =P

p.req.: spending more time with God, to be in tune with Him and not to get caught up in everything small.

thanks
-Chris

A little prayer

2009-10-16T23:34:00.000-07:00

I don't quite know what to say
Tonight was alot of things
Alot
It was amazing, it was convicting, it was truthful, it was honest, it was heart breaking, it was silent, it was a struggle, worshipful, and at the same time I just couldn't let go. I was on worship team and I couldn't really look out into the crowd. It was so distracting. And the fact that I couldn't follow was also so distracting and I know it's like you're supposed to lift worship into God's hands but when you don't know what to sing , where to sing, you can barely hear your voice..... I don't know
But one thing's for sure. I REALLY need to pray. To give it up to God and just forget about everything else. I felt a lot tonight. I saw a lot tonight. There's something about fellowship that's just pure and raw.
I also need to sleep =/
P. Request: no more image management. It's frustrating and pointless. It also takes me away from God.

Watch the clouds drift silently across the sky

2009-10-15T17:14:00.000-07:00

Hey

so i guess i'm just going to write a small short thing about yesterday.

Yesterday we had our A-group thing again and sadly we didn't have full attendance but with the 5 that were there, it was really great and we just talked about random stuff. We went till 10:30 which is like the longest we've ever gone =P But still it was really great just having that time together. Talking about whatever was happening to us. And praying for each other. Although short.

Today at school I touched the Smart Board and stood in front of the class for the first time =P it was kind of funny. Easy stuff. The kids knew it. but it was fun =)

stoked for tomorrow.
intense stuff
now to study for math
bye friends

p. requests:
- love
- sharing about thanksgiving
- spending more time with him
thanks

-Chris

Meet me here in the midst of the autumn breeze..

2009-10-13T19:36:00.000-07:00

Hey

So I haven't really blogged since Saturday. I think. Yes. Because it was a good day =)

So i guess i'll go into Sunday. Worship was epic =)
it was really fun doing av for it. It was just....well it isn't as chills as it normally is but it was still pretty good and I really felt like the worship flowed from the band's hearts and it was just really great and it was good to see so many people here at such an early time =)
and the sermon was pretty good and it was very straightforward. About how we have to really question ourselves and really think about our faith if we aren't producing good fruit or if we're not being pruned.

And maybe that's something I've been trying to deal with. Whether I'm producing good fruit or not. Or rather whether I'm producing plentiful amounts of it. Because I feel like a lot of my time nowadays is wasted on...really fleeting things. Like playing flash games. and when I'm on my msn, my conversations aren't really fruitful and I need to put more effort into them and really showing love and care in whatever I do.
So Sunday kind of just went by and I didn't get to go biking or anything like that because the weather was kind of cold and i tried doing homework. Kind of got some done. Think I got my pedigree done. But yea.

Monday was Thanksgiving. And I was really determined to go outside because it wasn't like the BEST weather but it was decent and I hadn't been out in so long I felt so trapped inside. So I went out in the afternoon and it was just nice. It was cold. And I have to figure out a way to dress warmly for next week's Ride for Refugees but it was nice just sitting there at St.A. I"m not quite sure why I pick St.a's all the time. To just sit there and stare out. Maybe it's because it's usually empty and there's steps. Maybe it's because there's memories. Maybe...I don't know. I think I do know though. But i shouldn't be expecting things. It's dumb of me. But nonetheless, it's a great place to just sit because you're kind of surrounded but you still have a horizon to look at. I also ran a lap =P but i'm so out of shape.
But it was just really good. Praying. Talking to God. Singing some songs. Sadly I didn't have a Bible. My sister also left yesterday. I won't be seeing her for like 2 months because she might not come back for the birthdays. So it'll be hard to just talk to her but I'm thankful for her =) and just having her back for the weekend. It's just....good to talk to her. I guess within my family she's the only one I can really talk to about God and fellowship.

Today was tuesday. I went back to school after a long weekend. I guess it's kind of normal. Stuff still happens. It was kind of upsetting when I saw the test results of my peer helping class because a lot of them didn't get very high but I know they have the capability because I've seen them doing it. But i get to teach them my first lesson on two step equations on thursday =) yay! First lesson =) Kind of excited and kind of nervous but they're cool kids.
Another thing to be excited about. Luke 4:18 is doing a giant council wide performance of Don't Stop Believing. It's going to be EPIC. =) choreography and everything. Band Aid sounds amazing =) And it's on a thursday! so i don't miss fellowship. Sadly I have to miss Koolskool. I haven't been there in a while =\ I miss it. It was some good times.

And tonight we had our k-cab cell group. It was about sticking with something and really keeping up effort to influence somebody and be their friend no matter how hard it can get. Rules just to remind myself: Empathy, Being there from the Beginning and Real Sacrifice. =) Something to really apply. And then I'll blog about it. Maybe it'll be in the craziest of places =) Well it's getting late and I'm trying REALLY hard to sleep earlier.

P. Requests:
~ talking to God whilst at school and seeing where He's working and to keep at whatever he has called for me
~ really doing devos
~ being humble and really not thinking about my own, ridiculously small and foolish wants
~ keep praying for others.
thanks =)

-Chris

Little Things =)

2009-10-10T19:22:00.000-07:00

Hey =)

So today was an awesome day =)
why you may ask?
well you're about to find out =)

so i woke up. Nice and early. around 8. Kind of was tired but it's good to wake up so early. Maybe not tomorrow. it'll be super early =P So this morning it was Epic Worship Practice. Epic =P It was so many people! and the AV is actually going to require INTENSE concentration =) unless the usual amount of concentration which is still concentrating but it's alright to just listen and sing along. This time it's gonna be intense =) hopefully i can still worship though. Like feel what the words sing and proclaim it in my heart because if i did it with my mouth then i won't concentrate =P
so it's gonna be super awesome
and it's just really great seeing all the people doing it. and just...joining together in worship =)
and my energy's still pretty high from last night

And then worship practice ended and I moved some clothes for the clothing drive. SUCH a workout =P it was like some pretty heavy and intense stuff. Sometimes i wonder that they didn't have to make gyms if people helped with the homeless and poverty initiatives. Building houses, lifting canned food, lifting used clothes and all that kind of stuff is really good for working out. You know it's like better than the gym because it helps with 2 things. helping others and spreading the gospel. and working out. haha =) so that was fun. We had SO much clothes. and the crazy thing is that we still had like 30 garbage bags worth of clothes. it's absolutely RIDICULOUS. =P it's amazing what our church has accomplished when we work as a community. That much clothing could probably clothe like a whole impoverished village. Maybe. A small one =) seriously though. There's so much clothes. It's crazy.

And then that was great and I had to leave for lunch with my family =) DIM SUM! And it was just fun talking to my sister. And we talked about fellowships and worship and it was just really great because I haven't talked to her in a while and there's just so many things I guess i wish i could ask her about but it's still good just to talk to her when she comes out =) She's a great person. and so then we went shopping as is usually customary. as it's my sister =P not to say she shops a lot. just when she comes back. =) I didn't buy anything. I think the biggest buying temptation was buying a threadless t-shirt along with the others. but i didn't. Because i don't need it. Trying not to buy anything for a good 3 months.

And then I went to Ben's house for a potluck with just a bunch of my school friends =) That was great. Not having chilled with them for so long, it was just fun. Like I see some of them at school but it's not the same because you're always engulfed in school work but this time it was just really fun and great =) Though I guess I do feel like sometimes when I'm around my school friends i'm so uncontrolled. Like I do spontaneous things and sometimes they're fun and amusing but i really need to think about how it affects me and how i should really be portraying myself because like I need to think about the things I do in front of them. If they're righteous and just...good in God's sight.

well time's up =)
sleep time
epic waking up tomorrow =P
-Chris

PRAISE THE LORD! Drifting wood =)

2009-10-09T23:30:00.000-07:00

Praise the lord!

Hey =)
Tonight was construction night and we really didn't what it would be about until last night but that was cool =)
I guess I personally didn't know what to expect of it and I wasn't really prepared for it. But god really blessed me with just .....so many blessings
So there was some av mix up with me and Ben and t wasn't too great for my mom because she's pretty stressed out with my sister coming home and stuff.
So I went back home, got there at fellowship just a little earlier and helped out with some av. I'd talk about some stuff but it's confidential. But that's alright =)
Anyways the night started off with worship and it was good =)
And then Simon shared and it was just ....it's amazing when people share because it's just so real =P haha stating the obvious but it's so amazingly true

And then came the actual program for the night and it was building marshmallow towers . Fun =P OH and our CGLs all prayed before we started which I really loved because it's not like we're going into discussion alone and we can all support each other. =)
Tower building was real fun. Really disorganized but fun =). And people you never wouldve imagined just make these super structurally sound things. Awesome =)
And then we tested them. Ours ended up being a giant mound which held up unil the bible. And I guess when I think about it now in amore metaphorical sense, it's true how we really need to build our supports strong because sometimes they're going to some really heavy things that bring us down but that's when our faith is REALLY tested.
So it was afun acvity and I thought wih only 20 minutes left,we wouldn't be able to well discuss in our cell groups. DRIFTING WOOD! =)

It was soooooooooooo good =)
Like Praise The Lord!
There was like more talking during discussion and one guy talked like a lot even though he wasn't from mcbc. I got to know him better later =)
But yea, we got through the discussion and we then split off into pairs. This was like THE most PTL momen of the whole night. I got to know one of my cell group members better and it was so amazing how he was sonopen about his week and his earnest to just come to fellowship even though he wasn't Christian but he wanted to learn more about God and the whole idea of believing in him. And when I talked, he gave me some advice and it was pretty awesome. It humbled me, because even though he was so new to it, he was so opn about it and he gave really good insight. It was like things I already knew but it reminded me that I should be more open with my friends.
And he prayed for me! Even thigh he wasn't christian. I was like Oh My Gosh You Are AWESOME! =)
Crazy awesome stuff

And then there were sharings like heartbreaking sharings and it was just so amazing because it was the true essence of fellowship. My eye got wet. Sadly no crying. But it was so amazing and like the overwhelming-urge-to-hug them kind of joy =)
And even after the night ended, I could see other people praying for each other and just keeping each other accountable. It was an amazing night and it's SO clear that God truly moved tonight. Love GOD! =)
So I need to keep in prayer for people and also that I take the tested to really put love and effort and passion into my devos and prayer.
PTL!

-Chris

Jonas Brothers, Hedley, and a Lesson learned

2009-10-05T16:21:00.000-07:00

Hey

I had a strong urge to blog today because I could really see God pushing me and burdening me with certain things and I hope I never forget them because they're so strong.

Today I went to WE day by Free the Children and it was pretty intense. I guess since I went last year I felt like I knew what was going to happen. At first I wasn't very excited for it. I guess I was like "oh yay chillage with friends downtown" but it was more than that. They also didn't give out t-shirts this year =P Which is probably a good thing. Makes me less demanding and selfish. But yea, I went in with all the people and it was different. We got kind of bad seats. Even though we legitly signed up this year =P But it was alright. It felt kind of like last year all over again. Except a little more cramped and when I looked at the We day list of speakers I guess I had gone to this year's We day without really expecting all too much because I didn't have a clue who these people were. Way wrong on my part.

It was pretty intense. There were performances and there were a couple speakers where it's like "huh?" but there were some really good ones. Like Pinball. The football player. I've never watched the sport, but that man is awesome. And the paradox that he memorized was amazing. It's true. How our world is supposed to have more, better things and yet we forget. I was reminded of that today. I also saw the Jonas Brothers, Justin Beiber (facepalm) and Hedley perform a couple songs. The first 2...the JB's are like...glorified. It was kind of amusing at first but then it turned kind of sad. There were all these girls screaming like mad in the mass of 16000. It was kind of strange how so many people dedicate themselves to facebooking and twittering and all this crazy stuff about the jonas brothers/justin beiber. They're just singers. Not particularly amazing too =\ But still, it was kind of eye opening. Maybe not in the best way. Hedley was good. Some good solid banding =P Sang a new song that I can't find on Youtube. And they did Never Too Late. But all in all, the entire event was good. Some good motivational speeches and I really pray that it'll stay in my heart and that i'll never forget how fortunate I am. Because i often do.

But that's not the bulk of it even. The biggest conviction was the poverty i saw. We passed the union station when we first left the ACC and we passed this homeless man and his dog and my friend was kind of half saying that we should give something to him because we just stepped out of a motivational conference. None of us stopped. None of us offered him anything. And as I kept walking, the Holy Spirit was really telling me "do something" because it's like it resounded so deep within me. It's like the teaching from Crazy Love about how we should really connect with the poor. And about the teaching that we should love others more than ourselves. So this was in my head the whole time. I ended up at a Timmy's. Our whole group did. I wasn't going to get anything. I didn't plan to. I had been cutting down on buying food outside if i wasn't absolutely needing it because I was trying to save up on just...funding for some sheep or something. But anyways, my friend was holding a lot of change and she didn't know what to do with it and i kind of half suggested that she buy a sandwich and give it to the first homeless person she saw. She didn't have enough.

But as I sat in the Timmy's God kept calling me to go and buy something. And I thought of the homeless man and the dog. So i decided to just buy a sandwich and a milk. And I started walking back. My plan was to do it discreetly. I don't like making a show of things =\. But I couldn't find the man. I looked around for him and there were like no homeless people. I went to literally every exit. And so I was wandering, a couple of my friends saw me and they asked me what i was doing. I told them. They tried to help me find him. Time was running out. And the Go train was approaching so we made one last try around a bend and as I passed it I saw a guy on a crate, he looked kind of fine but he was asking for change and I didn't think I'd have anyone else to give it to and so I gave him the sandwich and said God Bless. I turned the corner and there was this homeless man holding a sign and he looked like he hadn't really shaved in a REALLY long time and just...he looked so sad. And I felt so helpless. I had nothing to give him. I didn't have any food. And so I passed him. And it's not that I was dissapointed that I gave it to someone that looked like they were in less need because everybody deserves a kind gesture here and there. But that there was so much need and so little to give. Or at least in my case.

But there is SOOO much to give. So much. And so i walked back with my friends. And they thought it was really nice of me. I still didn't feel like I'd done what God had really called me to. And so there was like 5 minutes where we were just standing at Union station and that whole time I wanted to get a sandwich from Mc D's and run and give it to the man but my friends told me i didn't have enough time. So on the Go train ride home. That's kind of what I was thinking of. That I could've done it. I had the time. And I didn't.

So this is what God's convicted of me. And i pray it doesn't leave me. Because this year, i'm going to work at it. My cell group is hopefully going to do a sandwich run. I'm doing street patrol with Luke. I've been too stagnant for too long.
And maybe this is what it is to be influential. To do random things that nobody would expect but in the end it shows our love for Christ and His sacrifice. Maybe today I showed my friends just a glimpse of God's kingdom. And I'm honored to be a part of that. Praise the Lord. Honestly =)

And that thing with the girl? it didn't happen yesterday =\
maybe tomorrow. I need to pray. Sam was right, I shouldn't be doing it for the reason that Sam and Simon told me. Thanks friends =) All of you. Who are reading this. Love you =)

-Chris

He is the loving architect

2009-10-03T12:08:00.000-07:00

Hey

So today I learned to play "she is love" on guitar =) Which is quite the accomplishment because I haven't touched my guitar in like forever. So it was nice just playing today =) And it's actually a fairly easy song. Once you get the hang of it.

Today was a pretty relaxed day overall. Did some math. Which is one out of 4 subjects that I have to do stuff for =P I'm so lazy. And procrastinator. It's like ridiculous. I'll pick it back up. Especially how i don't have school on monday because of We Day =P Pretty stoked for it. I hope it'll be awesome and that I can really take away from it. And not just find it as a social with like all my friends =)

So I guess to the bulk of it all, yesterday. Yesterday was the first bible study of the KNA year and I was paired up with Jeff because Steph and PET people were gone. And Jeff didn't go to prestudy. I guess I was unfair. As in a large part of me was still hesitant even after I got to church at like 6:30. I kind of wanted to be with my own group. To see how they answered. To share experiences with my co-cell group leaders. To see them draw the house. And in that way, I guess I wasn't really open to how God could use me in the other cell group. But the night started. And I found out Freddy could make pro presenter go without having to sit at the actual laptop. Yay for Iphones that have proremote =P But anyways, it ended and then I went in with Jeff and the rest of GAH. I still didn't feel like we'd planned enough. We had called each other for like an hour trying to go over it and kind of like getting it smoothed out. I think for me it was a little hard because I had already made a schedule with Brian and Nat Tay but we tried. We got like....2/3 done before Jeff had to go.

So the night started. We started off with drawing God and it was kind of fun because some people drew the weirdest things =P Ryan draw a very buff stickman. Then we basically went into the room and started our discussion. To summarize it up...it was alright I guess but I couldn't follow sometimes and I guess it's also a reflection of my own ability to plan. I was also very long winded. And I need to be more comfortable with silence. Because silence can be really valuable and awesome. And at the end, they prayed. Which is good. I ended up catching the last like minute of my own cell group =P There's a new guy and he's really cool. Cept he's tricky because he told me he was Brian and I legitly believed him =P

Our name is apparently Drifting Wood now. Which is pretty cool. The explanation? We're all drifting and lost at see until one day we wash up on shore and see God and He uses us to build his awesome house =) Love it. They're so cool =) And they drew the cutest house. Still a little sad that I missed it but in the perspective of things, I have a whole year with them =)

And tomorrow the boys told me I should tell her. I guess it's a topic i seem to have forgotten for a while. Maybe because i didn't see her all that much. I've been so busy whenever I see her that I barely get to talk to her. And I don't know...I should be scared or just anxious about telling her but it feels so unreal. As if i'm not going to do it. I don't even know how. I run it through my head and it sounds terribly dumb. Like it's so selfish. That i'm doing this. Isn't it? I have to pray about it.

And so this is probably the end of this post as it's getting a little late. I'll probably write one tomorrow. Pray?

-Chris

Apples go with Accountability =)

2009-09-30T15:08:00.000-07:00

Heyyy

So i haven't blogged for about 3 days. Which I guess is a considerable amount considering that I usually blog once every 2 days =P

School's been alright for the past couple days. My peer helping math class is gone so i have like nothing to do in that time period and so I get to do research but in general, with that class gone I feel so....empty because school isn't really progressing. It's just happening. Which is bad =\ But on Tuesday it was a really great way to start off the morning because I got to go on my very first photoshoot. The day started off kind of gloomy with the weather but the sun came out in time for our photoshoot and so we went and it was kind of chilly but it was nice =) I carried around an apple, putting it on different places and taking pictures. It felt good using a film camera =) so much more authentic. I have a couple shots left. Maybe take some casual people shots.

But other than that, not too much excitement =P in the realm of school at least. Some interesting things but maybe i'll bout those later. It's getting kind of late. But anyways, I called up Jeff last night and we talked for a little while. I wish i could see him in person. It'd be so much better but hopefully he's got the bible study somewhat down. I'll be partnering up with him this friday. It's sad because I want to be with my own cell group during the first bible study =\ and we planned it to use all 4 cell group leaders too. But it's alright because it'll work out in the end =)
Last night's lesson for K-cab cell group was on accountability =) And we watched some pretty funny videos and then it reminded me a lot about the Q3 sermon from Andy Stanley called "doing life". It's some good stuff =) But PY, Olivia and Tania led it pretty well =) Though it was extensive. They're getting harder to remember =P so much stuff

Tonight I was rooftopping with the VBC team and it's great stuff .We prayed for each other. Sad that some of them couldn't make it and I'm going to miss them Friday. But they're amazing =) And i thank God so much that despite the cold, we could just spend time with each other talking about whatever we were going through =) Love them.

Well it's getting late so i'll keep it short =)
goodnight all
-Chris

Uni Fair and She is love =)

2009-09-27T18:40:00.000-07:00

Hey =)

Haha i seem to be in a better mood. Or I guess just happier =) Which is pretty good I think. It's been a good day. Relaxed. Hopefully there's no last minute homework that i forgot =P

Yesterday I went to Uni fair with my parents. I couldn't go with my friends or my church friends because public school people (most people =P ) went on Friday and then my school friends went today at like 8 in the morning and of course i wasn't going to miss prestudy and some good old fashion sunday service =) It turned out alright. Going with my parents. They were kind of like "go ask some more questions!" and so i guess i did. Which I guess was good. Except I realized yesterday that I'm not ready to pick. I probably don't WANT to pick =P at this moment. I'm probably not capable of making an informed choice either because i haven't taken all the 3 sciences. But i'll get to that point =P where i'll be informed enough. But it was a good experience. Kind of far going downtown. And was tired by the end of it but altogether, it was good =)

Today was another Sunday. You know how Sundays can be kind of long =P Today wasn't a bad kind of long. it was long. But it felt good =) And despite the fact that i should be really tired, i'm not. Strangely =) It's crazy. Maybe because it was just so full of energy. I loved it =) So this morning I got to church and I made the snacks, did AV and sat through Driven. The message...was one that I guess to be honest was a little strange partly because i missed the rest of the road signs series. And I kind of wanted to hear Lou's continuation but still it was good. A little refresher I guess from what I already knew or what I've already been taught.

Afterwards, I experienced a piece of true fellowship. sadly i had to miss sunday school. But I think it was good. Having that time. of vulnerabillity with one another and i learned something about myself today. Rather not learned something but rather, it felt like he was going through almost the same things i had gone through. To some degree. And I realized that I had thought i was over her a lot of times. And sometimes it results to the fact that i'm not. When I see her on Fridays and Sundays. But I realized that maybe it's not as distressing as I thought. That maybe God's teaching me something through the experience. That He's letting me use it right now even as a way to encourage others because i've walked down that path. I'm STILL walking down that path. But God has His ways.
I was reading about Saul/Paul and all of Acts for the past couple of days. It's a pretty epic adventure. It's like crazy just how the Spirit works. And one of the big things that hit me was that Paul was put in prison for 3 years while was like waiting to appeal to Caesar I think. It's crazy. THREE years. None of it's in the bible. They just said it was 3 years. And i'm pretty sure in those 3 years it might've had it's ups and downs and maybe a lot of joyous moments happened in there and at the same time maybe there was pain but after that, so much more happened. So God's plan is AMAZING. it's also huge. and spannning through like...SO many years =)

And afterwards we had some lunching with a couple of k-cab people =) It was alright. Just talking about some school stuff and u-fair. Nice chilling time =) Prestudy was pretty good. First prestudy of the year and we brought up some really good points. And I really like the end how a lot of people shared. Just made me so honored because it means that God's really bonding us through Tuesdays and just in general. I'm so excited to be with these people =) It's just amazing.

And then AFTER that our awesome cell group except calvin because he was at u-fair went into a room planned out what our schedule is for this friday. We talked about how we weren't quite sure about the talking level of our cell group but Brian was totally like "it was only the first week" and it's so true. We can't already judge them like that. And so we figured out the way we're going to execute it. It sounds awesome. Nat Tay and Brian are so awesome =) Calvin is too. Cept i haven't been able to plan and talk with him. So we have a schedule planned out =) Not following the original guideline fully. We didn't really get some of the parts so...we cut them out =P but the main message is the same =) So I guess this week i have to be just that much more aware of how God's moving in my life. and to meet Him there. excited =) for bible study.

And then being a GM and not feeling like going home to an empty house, I decided to stay at church and clean up the old basement. Use some tetris skills, clean up the storage room and stuff. So i hope it looks better. I certainly hope it does. Threw out some papers. Recycled that crazy Arizona bottle that Simon can't clean up =P. Made the stage look cleaner and just tried to tidy stuff up in general. It looks better i think. Or at least Nat told me so =P During that, Nat and PY were having their good ole accountability time. By the time i finished cleaning up, they had just about finished. So we kind of chilled together =P

They were supposed to write their blog but it ended up that we all kind of jammed and just had fun. Singing some old school songs like "from the earth to the grave from the grave to the sky" haha forgot the name =P but it was just pretty great. I ended up going home like....4 hours later than i had expected but that's alright. It was some great times =)

So i'm excited for the school week =) PTL =)
-Chris

Flaming hearts and a mind in need of change

2009-09-25T20:55:00.000-07:00

Hey

So last night was the first ever cell group night for this KNA year and it was something that I guess i have to struggle with for a little while. I realized that I wasn't quite as ready as I thought I was. And my expectations need to change drastically because they're in such a lonely place right now. Maybe that last sentence didn't make quite as much sense. Basically, I guess i need to change my expectations to line up with God's plans and how He works because otherwise, I won't be the cell group leader that I should be and ought to be.

The program consisted of a crazy scavenger hunt followed by some light discussion. Even before the night began, i was kind of rushing stuff. There was encouragement notes to be folded and i didn't end up finishing all of them as i had hoped =\ i only got...like 10-13 done. But hopefully i'll be able to write them consistently each week. Maybe not that much. But at least 5 or 6. Because I've found that they are really uplifting. Sometimes it can be the little anonymous ones that don't have names on them but they're so full of happy joy that it makes you laugh =) And AV had to be watched and it was again, kind of worrying to see that it was only Nelson and that there wasn't me or Ben watching him set-up. And I feel like we're not being fair to Steph when she does slides because we always call on her last minute and she should be able to worship as part of the fellowship and not have to do slides. Because slides does take a lot of concentration and isn't as free as AV. Which i guess touches on the whole training issue =\ but that'll be later.

So the night started, worship commenced and then we got our cell groups. Firstly, we only spotted like 2 of the people we were supposed to get. Well more like 4 but I couldn't really tell the grade 9's because i'm not grade 9 knowledgable. But in the end we ended up getting...like 6 or 7 i think. Which i guess was a small number compared to other groups that had like 14. but i guess sometimes a small number is better to work with. The scavenger hunt was fun, yet it felt so forced and rushed that we didn't really get to chill and stuff. Like it was a lot of me and Nat telling them what to do because they weren't very enthusiastic. They laughed maybe...once throughout the whole thing. But it's their first week. But anyways, we went through the entirity of the scavenger hunt and the whole time, I was worried because they really weren't that excited and sometimes when other people are excited, it spreads around but it ugess apparently not. Again though, maybe that's my own flawed sight. I guess the part of the night for me was the light discussion afterwards. We were in our own little room and we were talking about ideas for a cell group name and I felt like me and Nat talked a lot because they didn't respond. So we gave them a week to think it up. And we each went around as cell group leaders explaining why we chose to become cell group leaders and we told them we're going to try to be as open as possible because we really...wanted to put as much effort and love and fellowship as possible into this cell group. I don't know how it turned out.

I guess the night ended off and we passed out a lot of encouragement notes, everything was kind of rushed. I barely got to talk to anyone. AV again. Ben had to leave early. She also left earlier. And I miss Ryan. In a sense it was kind of cool not knowing which cell group he was in. I didn't know the typo on the contact sheet was him. But he's in a good cell group for him. Wow i sound like he's gone forever. I don't know, it seems like now that he's in a cell group, i'll spend less time with him because it's not like everyone together like the first couple weeks. but it'll be alright. saw him today at u-fair. but u-fair's another blog.

so i need to pray. i need prayer. please? because I can already feel myself begin to compare. Begin to compare my cell group with other cell groups and that's just TERRIBLE and utterly TERRIBLE because that doesn't let God move. God doesn't move the same way in every cell group. God doesn't put the same people in every cell group. God doesn't CHALLENGE us all in the same way. And so i need to be open. i need to pray to trust God. Because that's what i need to do. I need to have faith in God and let the Holy Spirit work and I need to be excited for this cell group because I am. I just can't worry about it. Because worrying is thinking God isn't big enough.

and we need a name =P
thanks
-Chris

Par Cour off the roof anyone? =P

2009-09-24T14:20:00.000-07:00

Heyyy

So I know this might seem like I'm writing a lot of blog posts because I wrote one yesterday but I felt like I just wanted to blog again =) And I missed out some stuff yesterday because I was in a hurry. Chances are that i'll forget some stuff again =P but that's alright

So yesterday after I came home from school, I blogged briefly about....tuesday night which was the bulk of my mind but I guess there was a bunch of other stuff that was on my mind. Not as big. but still on my mind. I also went to church for the vbc drama team meet up at the couches =) Which was awesome because we hadn't done it in so long and it kind of felt like last year when we tried reviving it during the beginning of the school year and I remember typing things like "hey guys i'll just be sitting there with my homework so come if you want/can" and it'd happen =)

I didn't quite know what to expect because I got called by Val at 4:45 whilst I was napping. I got called twice in 10 minutes. But it was cool =) I only expected to see me, val and PY but Simon ended up coming. We started just by talking about some math stuff. It seems that most of us have math this semester. Though we're at different levels/ different parts of the cirriculum =P and Simon's math teacher needs to teach him how to graph the basic functions because I can't teach him as well =P but it was alright. And then after a bit of that, we talked about...random stuff actually =P like teachers. and student ID's and...haha i don'tk now. Then Ben and me went down to check the AV equipment with Uncle Simon. We discovered that there's a whole lot of stuff missing. Which is bad =\ really bad. Because we're in charge of it. And having stuff missing means stuff is disappearing and that means we ain't being good stewards =\ I don't think we should spend a lot of money when we have enough equipment. so that was a little unsettling but we'll find it....somehow =)

So afterwards, we went on the roof. And for those who are reading this that have admin board powers, you didn't read this =P because technically we're not allowed to...but you know, we're not like blowing up stuff so i think it's the alrights =P but it was amazing. The sky was clear. The weather was spectacular and it was just so refreshing. There was a guitar and we just talked. About this year, our expectations of K-cab, our relationship with our parents, life, just everything and I loved it. I love these people =) and i wish the rest of them could've been with us up there but i know we're all pretty busy one way or another. But PTL =) PTL indeed.

Tonight I got to talk to my friend that I don't quite talk too much to about church. He didn't really agree with it but I think...it's been the first time in a while since I've talked in real life with someone about God and church. It's because most of my friends don't even breach the topic and when I talk about it, they're defensive and uninterested. But I"m sure God will provide opportunities this year, just I have to be able to go out of my comfort zone to embrace them.

And i'm still having trouble with the girl issue. But...i don't know really. It's confusing and I still don't know what to do. I'm not even sure if i should tell her. I should. I know i should. And i'll have to. Have to face it. I don't even know how to call my feelings anymore. At least the ones i have toward her. I thought it was friendship. Just getting to know her more. To make sure she's alright. and to just be able to talk to her about anything and just help her whenever she needs it.
we'll just have to see.

And last night i pumped out an encouragement note every 4 minutes. I guess that's pretty decent =P I'm going to try doing a lot more tonight. Goodnight friends =)
-Chris

Autumn is the time of year that I should like to meet you here...

2009-09-23T14:32:00.000-07:00

Hey

So i haven't blogged in a while. At least not on this blog. I have on the K-cab one but then again that wasn't really like broad and I can't ramble as much there =P

For the past couple of days I guess I don't know...life's been alright. Well the last time I wrote was Sunday night so I guess I'll start with Monday. Not that I remember too much from Monday...oh except for the fact that I took the bus the first time this year home =P it's actually pretty fun and kind of relaxing when there aren't a lot of people and it's just you looking out a pretty big window and it's...pretty great =) and then I saw Kevin, Neil and Mike get on the bus. Which was pretty cool. =) Especially because 2 of them are in my cell group. woot woot =P
which reminds me about encouragement notes. Which i have not been able to really do yet. I've only made a couple. Will make more. Tonight. Definitely =)
Especially because tonight i have a curfew. 11. dang. but it's good because then i get more sleep =)

So moving onto yesterday. Which was basically the K-cab group. Well that seemed to be the highlight of the day. It was a pretty good lesson. How to know when you have to bail out from a relationship. I guess I hope i won't have to apply this anytime soon but maybe i've already done it without really knowing. Like....some people that I don't really talk to anymore but then again maybe it wasn't really for the purpose of evangelism...but more because we kind of just drifted because we weren't really that close to begin with. But overall it was a pretty cool lesson and we talked about devos afterwards and like the past weeks, we just talked in general about our friends and how we're doing in terms of "influencing" them and applying scarcity, authority, likeability and.....the last one which i will remember sometime =P dang. Can't believe I already forgot it. Well...basically I thought it was a really good lesson but yesterday I guess i experienced some issues with just...self-image. As Andy Stanley would say, image management.

Oh yea, and i've been listening to Andy Stanley's series on Q3. which is actually pretty cool and pretty insightful. I'll digress from the above topic to write bout it a little =P So the first sermon was based on praying for something big because the way he put it was that most of our prayer life is revolved around the minusa (small things) of our everyday lives that are going to fix themselves anyway in the long run. And it talked about having something to pray for that's SOOO bold that it honors God. That it honors his greatness and it's also about having the faith in Him and his ability as GOD to answer your prayer. Which makes sense. So my 'big' thing is that our congregation move. That we all get up and do something if we've fallen into a sense of complacency or lukewarmness. And for K-cab and for all of KNA that by the end of this year, we'll all be comfortable to reach out to our friends. That we won't be afraid to reach out and tell our friends about our faith because we see the need for it and because we have found a constant home within our fellowship. HOME =) theme. second sermon was on accountability and being able to tell someone everything about your life and being that person to somebody else. To be so attached to them and so accountable to them that when they're alone, you want to go there with them because you just want to talk with them and stuff like that so much =) sounds awesome.

ALRIGHTYS! back to last night. It was weird because I felt myself being self-conscious. I also felt myself worrying about things that I needn't worry about. Too much of the "what am i going to say" stuff going through my head. Like thinking of what you'd say to a person before you talk to them. Because that stuffs dumb =\ These are my k-cab buddies. I should be like the most open with them above all people. I shouldn't have to worry about what they think. Sadly i did. And as I kind of watched them talk to her, i couldn't help wonder why I couldn't just freely talk. I was so scared i'd be awkward that in being scared, i end up being awkward. But I talked to a friend about it afterwards. But still. I keep finding myself making excuses. Maybe thinking that i'm a bother when...i'm not. because i know that these people love me so I need to get these thoughts out my head. I can't let Satan do this. Because when i lose openness with my brothers and sisters....then i begin to lose my relationship with people in general.
so pray for me?

=)
-Chris

Chris doesn't fit in teeter totters

2009-09-20T17:22:00.000-07:00

Hey

Yesterday was a whole bunch of AV stuff =P AV practice in the morning and then mucking around in the afternoon until around 6 where I got picked up by Si to the Admin appreciation dinner. It was funny because most of it was in Mandarin or Canto so I really couldn't understand most of it but it was pretty fun because all the English people were sitting at our table and it was fun times =) they ate SOOOO much red bean stuff. It was insanity. and watermelon. =P
And then afterwards we went to Destiny's. Second time going to bubble tea in my life. I think. maybe 3rd. I think i went once with softball last year. But i don't really remember and i was just tagging along with my sister =P
so yea, it was fun. Just chilling. Never getting mango milk tea again though =P too sweet. Used Si's new Canon SLR camera to take some pictures. I wasn't quite used to it. Felt kind of weird and kind of creepy at the end though when i accidentally drank through PY's straw and like it probably looked disgusting. Because i accidentally dropped my straw into her straw and i was trying to get it out and well it's dumb and i probably shouldn't be writing bout it anyways.
But it was fun. I was a little awkward and I felt some times when it was just...weird because i was probably overthinking. For those of you who know, you know why probably. But overall it was fun. I'm excited for the November Service when the AV team will be the worship team =P It's gonna be one crazy time. Like 4 singers =P and then beats. and then 1 guitar. unbalanced much =P

So today was another Sunday. Sundays for some reason always feel really long. Like the morning is always a whole adventure of it's own because of AV, Children worship, Sunday school and just everything. And just seeing people is great and there's always that sense of like SO MUCH on sundays. Just so much rushing or going from place to place. So this morning was alright I guess. Super tired for some reason =P Maybe it was because i slept late and woke up early and did AV. Everybody looked kind of dead. Josh and Steph included. but it was a good service i guess. I messed up once. Forgot to unmute. Like always =\ But the sermon was really good. It was above putting your eyes on higher things. And i find I myself often forget to do that. I lose perspective. It's like what Crazy love and Q3 and a bunch of other stuff all have in common. Fixing your perspective so you can see that there's a place in Heaven that's so much greater than the place we have here so why do we take some much time fussing over the smallest things ever.

So today....I wasn't proud of myself =\ not that i usually am....i think. but today I felt...feelings. I don't know what to call them. Maybe someone calls it jealousy. I'm bad at naming feelings like those. I usually don't feel them because there usually isn't much to be jealous about. And maybe there's this giant part of me that doesn't want to call it jealousy and maybe it wasn't jealousy but it was ugly. Whatever it was. And i know what triggered it and i just felt so angry at myself. I felt so ashamed of it =| And so I pray that God will change that part of me. No matter how little it comes out that it'll change. Because if it never comes out, it's better than it coming out once every couple of months right? Sometimes it's just hard to understand God's grace. When something I do makes me feel this disgusting....shouldn't it make God absolutely wretch
He's absolutely amazing.

I went for another pear run today. For 2 hours =P it was super fun. went around to different places. Kind of sad that Vince wasn't home or else we could've got to like Hughson park and chilled. It's a small park but it's beautiful because there's nobody there =) and the trees provide some beautiful lighting with the sky. I just wish it would always be like this weather. But it won't. Winter's coming. But it's alright

School Id's tomorow. fun. And school starts again. As the weekend fades.
thanks team =)
-Chris

BBQ ON FIRE!

2009-09-18T20:38:00.000-07:00

PTL! =)

Hey guys

It's been one crazy night. Crazy day actually. almost non-stop.
School was one big roller coaster as I got my ghetto old school SLR camera, tried cramming 20 pages of intense Mendel bio into my head, tried learning about limits fast enough so i wouldn't fail my quiz and then finally it was pretty good in Mr. Cowan's class with the math and the helping and it was just fun because the kids are actually really cool and it's funny when you have to constantly remind them to do homework =P I guess it can get frustrating but it's really great seeing them get something. Like how to add polynomials

Got home, kind of decided whether or not I should've gone to steph's. I didn't really know. I guess I'm never great with chilling at people's houses. I don't know why. Maybe it's just my inability to socialize well with other people . I just don't easily mesh with people in social situations. i usually have to be flamboyant or loud or something =\
But I guess I ended up going. and I found out what cuddling is. Like I cuddled with Ryan =P which might sound awkward but it was funny. Kind of. But after a while when you get up, you feel absolutely disgusting because it's like you haven't moved for SOOOO long and maybe it's just me but i feel disgusting when i don't move. Or i'm just lying down watching tv. According to Vince, you use 20% less brain capacity when watching tv than when you're not doing anything. It's literally more deteriorating than doing nothing. Dang son =P so i guess i'm trying to cut down on the tv.
I ended up doing something productive that I'm kind of happy with. Played around with photoshop so I could get a piece of candy in an eye =P I haven't used photoshop in a while but it was fun and I hope it helped. And then I left early because I guess...i felt awkward there and just that I didn't really fit in. And I had to get home before 6 to change means of transport.

I think before I talk about the night....I guess I feel like I should say that it was an amazing night for me and I think it was a real learning experience. There were so many things that I did badly tonight or that I forgot or that I wasn't able to do and for that I feel...kind of disappointed maybe in myself and maybe in the fact that I just couldn't lift it fully up to God because if I did, I wouldn't be worrying. But I'm also extremely thankful for all the amazing people that helped with the program. I literally couldn't do it without them. No joke. They are like amazing. =)

So I got there at around 6 and there's already people downstairs prepping the lettuce and it was fun cutting it up and washing it and a bunch of guys preparing giant salads =P Super fun. And then we had to get the buns out and check out the grills and I had to set up AV for the worship team and then it was already 6:45 by then and so people started coming at 7. At first it wasn't too many but I was still outside setting up tables for the food and bringing stuff out. By the time i went in, my friends were actually there. Crazy =) They were like ALL there in a circle. It was kind of crazy. Seeing them in church. It's like two planes of my life colliding together. Into awesomeness =) I wish i could've talked with them. And asked them how they were doing .How they felt about it all but I had to keep running. Setting up, doing av and a whole bunch of other stuff. I screamed in a mike today =\ i just like contradicted myself. because i'm usually sensitive with the mikes. but i guess i just...wasn't thinking =\ hope they're alright. but that's the least of anything.

But anyways, the food happened and there were SO many people and we didn't know what to do with them yet because it was kind of like time to eat but the food wasn't ready so we tried stalling and we needed a bigger team but in the end, it was really awesome because people helped serve and get the patties in the buns and it worked pretty effectively. Except there wasn't enough food for everybody =\ some people didn't get meat. Mainly the worship team. And there wasn't quite enough dressing either but i guess it was good and I really hope people bonded during the eating time.
Rachel and P-Dawg and a bunch of other people were really amazing and they got to know all my friends =) I felt bad that I couldn't spend time with them but I'm glad they had people to meet. Daniel told me there's nice people =) which is like awesome. Because I'm so thankful that people were able to just open up and meet the new people. I'm terrible with names =P

And so food finished. And i went back in to start the games. I didn't realize until after that the counsellours were like amazing and cleaned the grills and stuff. They're AMAZING! =) PTL! There's like so many background people that helped out in little ways and in the end it was all so amazing. God has this crazy plan and it just comes together without people even realizing it sometimes =)

But overall, since i'm running out of time. I didn't do what I thought i would do for my little blurb. i actually missedo ut everything important =\ and I felt like it wasn't what I had in mind at all. And also, I didn't tell her .Maybe it was because it was just bad for her because she probably had enough on her mind or maybe just because....i don't know. I'll have to pray about it. But God really showed me awesome things tonight. My friends, despite their relunctancy at times, i think enjoyed it =) and I hugged sharon. Which i guess is supposed to be this big thing. I'm getting there...i think. Trying to really love everybody. EVERYBODY.well I guess that's a wrap up team =)
and i didn't write 9 encouragement notes =\
BUT since we aren't passing them out until next week i will write A BUNCH this weekend.
coolios =)
av tomorrow
crazy stuff

-Chris
PRAISE THE LORD!
it's been a HAPPY DAY! =)

Penguins don't drive Firetrucks =)

2009-09-17T18:26:00.000-07:00

Hey

So i'll keep this post short because well...I have encouragement notes to make and i should be studying for my quiz. But it's just a quiz. So you know...teehee =)

But I really love the class I got put in for peer helping. I was scared I'd be put in some random class with like kids that are like really unwanting to learn and with an FLS student that'd be really hard. Then again, none of them are really hard. You just need to know how to communicate with them. They can be really cool =) all of em.

There's this one kid =P he's really cool. Really nice. But he gets distracted easily. But that's alright because maybe that's what I'm for =) But anyways, it's really cool because they learn so differently. Like the teacher was making the teacher analogy of penguins and firetrucks when he was talking about how x2 can't be mixed with polynomials of x. Because they're different =) And so I think I'm gonna really enjoy it last period.
It'll be challenging, but awesome =)

PTL!
-Chris =P

Jumping off a cliff knowing you'll catch me =)

2009-09-16T12:47:00.000-07:00

Hey!

Haha I don't know why but i'm extremely happy and energized. Actually that's a lie. My bad. Lying's bad. I do know why i'm so happy =) I'm happy because i've been SOOOOOOOOOOOO crazy blessed =) like crazy. And it's just like uplifting =P i don't even know if that's the right word.
It just sounds like a nice word =) and kind of like the right one.

Last night right before I went to bed, I decided to read an encouragement note that I got yesterday from an awesome person from one of the most awesome k-cab's ever =P maybe i'm just bias bout the k-cab thing but the person really is awesome =) And I was reading it and it really just made me smile. Not just smile. But like smile inside. And sometimes it takes a lot to smile inside =) And feel warm and fuzzy. And I found out that people actually read this blog =P which is crazy because I just put it here just to ramble on and on and on but I guess that's pretty awesome =)
But anyways, I won't go into specifics about what was in the note but it was just so enouraging because it was stuff that I'd been thinking about sometime and it was just SoOoOoO inspiring =) so now i'm determined to have written at least 8 encouragement notes before this friday. Because dang son, those things give you a super warm feeling =) PTL! serious =) because it's just crazy how people who are connected in JESUS! are so like...open and connected and even if you don't talk that often it's so easy to talk. because it's just....something bout it =) It's HEAVENLY! =P

So school's been...a lot different than what I had anticipated this year to be. A lot different. So firstly, everybody I know has dropped out of photography. I am literally the only one left at my table. Today I felt kind of lonely just sitting there. And all the other tables have people and mostly full so it's like...where am I supposed to go? but we'll see. Maybe...well we'll see. Or there's nothing wrong with being lonely. Just I feel like school should be like my mission field and maybe this is a chance to get to know random people. I just need to take that step as to where the heck i'm going to sit =P but it is a little lonely. It's an interesting course though. with cameras and some painting. and some good stuff =)

But the biggest thing of school....well actually there's 2 but the one regarding subjects is like so cool =) So for the past couple days I was really wondering what I was going to do with my economics class. I REALLY wanted to drop it because i felt like i wasn't going to do ANYTHING there. Like you might learn some tidbits of economics and that's alright but I didn't feel it was somewhere that I could really fulfill God's command. So on Monday I visited the guidance counselor and she's like there's peer helping. I didn't really think much of it at the time. Because it's like an open course and I'm an AP kid. I'm so intellectually ignorant and stuck up =\ So i went out of the office hoping that being 3rd on the anthropology waiting list would somehow get me into the course.
But I went back to economics yesterday and I just...couldn't see myself doing it for a full semester. And the idea of peer helping...it was starting to actually come to my mind. Like it's not even about the mark because i probably would've gotten a higher mark in economics but it's the fact that it's something I think i've been called to do. I once was told that I had high patience while dealing with Koolskool kids. I didn't think so. But apparently other people did and so I thought I'd give it a shot. I switched today. Into peer helping. Had my first dose of it. It's crazy. In a good way =)
I walked in there and for one, the people are really nice. Like the other students were like...well there was this one girl who's done it before and so she helped me with names and stuff. And I walked in and I just couldn't believe how many special needs kids we have at the school. I mean like there's like....over 15. And a lot of them I hadn't seen before. Which makes me feel really like...disconnected with what God has commanded for me and others. Cause it's like "whatever you do for the least of these brothers of mine, you do for me" and sometimes I feel like I think that's only the people in my circle of friends who aren't as befriended but like it means ACTUALLY the other people who are looked as kind of lesser in the community. And it's just so awesome seeing the kids. Like there's this one kid who I'm not sure but he looks like he might have delayed development or something like that and he just looks so happy when people just play with him.
But it's going to be a crazy semester =) Like I was kind of like sitting in economics yesterday and I'm like "well maybe I should stay in economics, the Holy Spirit hasn't really moved me to take peer helping". And then today I remembered a line from crazy love. If our love really is true, we are to obey. Straight up obey. We don't always need some strong push. We just need to obey. And this realization is the Spirit as well =P So it's pretty funny/cool/super awesome =P AND i get to write journals as assignments =) Which is like the greatest thing. Because me and journals are like super yay =) which is why i even started a blog =P

As for the second thing from school, it's about my friends coming this Friday. They're more open than i thought. Also a little weirder. Because there was talk about flirting and that kind of thing but you know what, i'm just gonna pray that God really show them who He has. Or maybe a glimpse. Because that's enough =) well at least it is for me. But the encouragement note really put me to rest about that because you know what? it's not up to me to show them. To try to impress them or anything. They're just gonna have to accept that I love it in fellowship =) And there's 9 of em coming. Dang =P and sharon's boyfriend. Which is like....possibly awkward but whatevs =)

And the last thing I guess on my mind would be the girl thing. I haven't talked about that in a while I think but it's still here. Lingering in my mind. Kind of just....plaguing me. I really don't know what I'm going to do. Some people are telling me to tell her. But then I'm thinking of just....AHHHH so much major doubt. I need to have more faith. In God. In her. In just...everything. I feel like I need to tell her before this Friday. Because...there's just circumstances and I need to just.....release myself. I just don't want this to affect her or stress her even anything. Because i'm sure she has enough to think about =\ with school, with councils, with fellowship, with everything.

So that ends the probably longest ever post i've ever written. It's pretty long ain't it?
Actually it probably doesn't beat the first couple because those were REALLY long and took a really long time =P

P.req. : faith, and trusting that God will provide and that I'll keep taking risks for Him because I don't want a super regulated life that I can control because there's no life to that kind of life.

-Chris

Drifter, Transient, & Miner

2009-09-12T18:01:00.000-07:00

Hey

It's been a long week and at the same time, it's passed by ridiculously fast.
School's started and it's as if summer never happened. As if I just dreamt it all up. Except it didn't. Or if I did, that was one heck of an awesome dream =)
But I'm still pretty sure it wasn't a dream =P

Yesterday was the first day of KNA for this new year. Officially. But it's almost as if it's been the new year since we started the k-cab meet ups every week =)
Anyways, we saw the new grade 9's and we kind of did things that weren't so nice to them, we sang a song on stage, did a really epic improv dance off between the cell group leaders and generally that was how the night went =) It was kind of sad though when it just ended after the initiation game finished and we really didn't get to welcome them.
I always feel like the year I came to KNA was like...the most awesome welcome ever =) I don't even remember the torture. I just remember the encouragement/welcome notes they stuck to our backs. They're awesome =) They're the most random and craziest things but sometimes that's what makes it the most awesome and enjoyable =) So maybe I felt that it wasn't as welcoming as we might have tried to make it. I just hope they can come back next week and experience what it truly means to be part of a fellowship.

And I guess afterwards on that night, I kind of realized something. More like remembered. GM's a lonely job. And i'm not very social. I realized that in the beginning when fellowship hadn't quite started and I was excited to see everybody but...I didn't know what to say. I guess I always feel like I'm a drifter. I remember Vince once used the line...I actually kind of forgot the exact wording but it was something to do with knowing everyone but not really...being able to spend a lot of time with each of them. And i guess for me it's like I drift. Because I'm not really good with social situations. And sometimes I find people are grouped up in their grades, their schools, and our fellowship's not cliquey because I know a lot of boundaries have been broken and it's pretty easy between a lot of people just...I often feel like I'm not quite sure where my place in it is.

And maybe that's why I'm GM. I probably have some form of OCD. Meaning I'm always cleaning stuff if it's messy because I just...don't like how dirty/messy things look. So maybe that's why I make a good GM. Because I clean stuff. And i'm not very socially effective so cleaning up afterwards allows people who ARE socially effective to go out there and impact other people =) Maybe that's why I'm always scared of training new people. Because it's a...very specific job. It does get lonely. I'm grateful Ben's here =) But he's gotta leave early most of the time because
he lives in North York.
But I'm really thankful that Ev and Peter helped me clean up the stage afterwards =) Peter'll make an awesome GM one day if he chooses that route =)

But it was overall a pretty cool and awesome night =)
Today I volunteered at the Milliken Children Festival. I realized just how many people in this world are so...unenthusiastic. haha that sounds pretty saddening. Well basically in my area, I was the only one who seemed to really care. There was another girl who liked kids because she tried to help some of them but most of the volunteers I found out were there just to get some hours. Which is probably the WORST ever reason because you get no satisfaction whatsoever when you're done with it. But sadly this happens a lot.
But I realized that I ended up being the unofficial leader of the sand zone area because I was the person that cared the most about keeping the place alive and making sure the kids were alright. But yea, it was interesting and I guess I just haven't been out of my own little area of volunteering for a while so...it was alright =)

Well AV tomorrow. =)
-Chris

PTL =P

2009-09-10T18:57:00.000-07:00

hey.

so i guess there's a bunch I could write about.
but I think the most important thing is how this school year's being and going to be affected by God and the Spirit working.

It's only been the first 3 days of school and already I can feel the tension. I can feel myself trying to find a reserve of patience or love and sometimes I find it or I pray that the Spirit will fill me and sometimes, sadly I don't show it outwardly but inside, i'm unable to find it. And sometimes it does show on the outside. =\
But God's forgiving and it's amazing. =)
I was reminded of my own hypocrisy today when I someone was saying they hated somebody and that we all did and i said he shouldn't' say that and somebody else said that I feel the same way as everyone else does.
And that's one of the biggest things for me this year.
Maybe it's a goal.
But more of it's one of the ways i'm going to show God's love. It's hard. Because i think i've kind of tried in the past. And I found myself being rebuked. And i'm glad I did. Because it means I haven't been trying hard enough. Or rather, I haven't been asking the Spirit for a means for me to change.
So that's one of the things. Something I need to be kept accountable for.

And also, tuesday's k-cab meeting's lesson was based on being an influence and the things that make you more able to relate to other people and influence them. One of them was likability or just friendliness in general.
I feel like God's really pulling me into that one. Along with the other ones. Because they're really important and relevant as well.
But it's like I've had at least 2 opportunities within these past days where I could've at least introduced myself to somebody I don't know or just be more friendly.
Something I also need to work on.

But I'm so thankful that despite my failures and incompetence, God's worked. =) My friends are coming to the KNA welcome night BBQ next week and as frightening as that may be, it's an opportunity for me to show them what I do every friday. Because I'm not going to hide it. They may think it's weird and that the people are overly friendly or weird but I love them and I won't deny that.

And I need to be grounded in my faith. Today I was in economics class and every 5 seconds, the boys were making sexual references or innuendos. So not cool. I need to learn to deal with those. To shut them out and then forget them really fast before they do anything. Not that they do really creepy things, it's just fun hearing them because...it's awkward. And uncool.

But i'm determined this year to let God build me up and lose myself in Him.
Let's do it =)
PTL!
haha that means Praise the Lord =P
it was funny because it was part of Tim's sharing.
well i should sleep now
-Chris

Stars dancing inside my mind, lighting up

2009-09-09T18:57:00.000-07:00

Hey

So there's a lot i feel like typing. So much. So many thoughts. So much everything. It's crazy. The feeling that I haven't blogged for so long. Maybe that's bad. Having something like a dependency on blogging instead of talking to God about it and being content with that.

I got back from the cruise. School started. And it's been crazy.
It's like I knew it'd be hard. I went to lunch with my school friends before and I knew it'd be hard. I knew it'd be hard sticking to what I believed this school year. To be more proactive about my faith in school. To be an example of God.
But I didn't completely realize it till i hit school.
Yesterday was my first day. Thank God that I had K-cab small group last night too. I don't know what I'd do without them.

But it's hard. Being optimistic. Not being influenced by the feeling of intellectual superiority around my peers, the cursing, the insults behind people's back, the shallowness of almost everything we talk about. But i'm determined. That this year is going to change. That this year, i'm going to pray, grow, and be God's child. Because there just isn't any other way to do it. It's like a bible verse somewhere. Now that we've been shown the light, it's impossible and ignorant that we live in the dark.

I'm beginning to talk to a friend more. Because well it's really beginning to show me how God's blessed me with...people =) maybe she'll read this one day and be like 'WHAT" but otherwise, it's just really great having somebody from school I can just talk to about God. About fellowship. And talking about fellowship really showed me how lucky i am to have this. She doesn't have it at her church. Because there's like 2 youth in the youth category. We have like 90. in kna alone. on good days. But it's crazy. And God's really blessed us with an amazing youth group.

and i invited people to the bbq. and they rsvped as maybe
which is like one of the BIGGEST things ever. because...well maybe it's because i've never invited them. but i've always been scared about what they'll think when they come.
this year, it don't matter anymore. because if they think i'm weird for loving fellowship every friday, i guess that's alright but I won't be ashamed or anything synomous to that about God. Cuz he's absolutely awesome. =)

and the stars are probably out tonight. as they always are. kicking it up around the world =)
awesome
goodnight
-Chris

Cruise Day 6: Halifax

2009-09-09T15:13:00.000-07:00

Sept. 3, 2009

Hey

Today was the last day for excursions off the boat. We went to Halifax today and it was pretty cool as well, it had some nice old buildings and it was bigger than St. Johns. And it was more time with just my family for some portion of it. Also I went into my first bar/pub restaurant because some people were craving beer and chicken wings =P

Anyways, the cruise is almost over. I guess it's bitter sweet. The good thing is that I get to go back to Markham and see everyone again. I guess i'm really homesick. The bad thing? I don't really get to spend time with my cosuins and sister like this with so much time for just chilling.

The thing that's plaguing me right now is asking my sister about the whole girl thing. Sounds silly. It's what's been on my mind for so long. I guess it's partly because every time we're alone together, she's usually watching a movie or busy. And also I don't really know how she'll respond. Sometimes she jokes about it and she laughs and says " I approve" and I don'tk now how serious I think this is. I guess I just don't know.
I wish Vince was here. He's like the only one i haven't talked to about it. =\

Well I should go now. Tomorrow's at sea day. All day on the boat.
Gotta take pictures for the list
-Chris

Cruise Day 5: Love is all you need

2009-09-06T15:07:00.000-07:00

September 2nd, 2009

Hey

I guess yesterday's post wasn't quite very coherent because it was super late and I was...really tired =P Which usually happens when it's really late. So to start, I can't believe it's September . September indicates the start of school, the start of autumn, the start of a new year at KNA. It just also means the end of summer, the end of this break and the end of this year at KNA. I could write a lot about it. And I probably will. Haha I should be sleeping but oh well =)

This year in KNA was...a year of big expectations. After the VBC rooftop fellowship, my relationship with God grew. I understood the real sense of fellowship and just how crucial it was because it creates an openness that spans beyond things of this world. It's amazing. And so I guess throughout the year, I really wanted fellowship and accountability within K-cab and KNA. I also got to do leadership. Serving in AV taught me a lot, gave me more time with other people and was just awesome =) Also ended up planning the repentance program which was...some crazy stuff. God really worked that night. =)

My cell group was really interesting. Slow to start, a little unstable but none the less awesome. Love you guys. And I had my very first accountability partner. I've never called people over the phone before. Vince was the first person that I had consistent 1 hour convos with =P And to this date, the only one. He's absolutely amazing and I miss him. He's on a boat too. another one though
I miss everyone actually. Sam's hugs and witty jokes, Nat Tay's laugh and her ability to out-man me =P, Steph's smile and encouragement, Freddy's down to eartness, PY's spontaneous singing and sheer coolness, Vince's accountability, Silas' Mac promotion, V-shizzle's gangster qualities. The list could go on =) And they're like all serving in KNA. WE'RE all serving in K-cab =)
well usually the people who read this are in K-cab. =) And it's just so exciting becuase I read Freddy's text today and seeing that the theme was Home it's like...it's gonna be awesome =) Excited i am. Excited to the core =)

Well I should briefly talk about the cruise itself. Yesterday we went to Bar Harbor which is this little quaint town in Maine. Nothing super special. Just cute. I wrote miscommunication because it seems a lot of that is happening these days. Yesterday my mom got frustrated because there was a lot of miscommunication and wandering and separation. I hope today was better. I think it was.
My sister also tried out for Princess Pop Star. Sang A Thousand Miles. Didn't win but it was for fun =)
Today we were at St. John in New Brunswick. Small town. Canadian! Texted people =). Well just Freddy and Sam. Wanted to text a lot of people but I didn't quite know what to say. I"m not very good with texts. But I'm just happy I got to communication with people.

On my mind...a lot of stuff. After writing about KNA, that's what my heart is set on. I said it today to my cousin. This cruise...it's so foreign. It doesn't satisfy me. At all. It's nice. It's got a lot of stuff to do. It's fun. But yet, i don't feel completely satisfied. Actually not even half satisfied. It's a lot of living in the moment. Something I don't really do. And all this busyness and overeating just makes me feel disconnected. I'm thankful the Lord has given me this vacation. And maybe this wasn't to necessarily to give me time off but rather just show me how awesome everyone is =) How I should cherish them. It's more of a vacation for my mom. She doesn't have to worry about very much. Which is great =)

Another thing on my mind is the girl. I haven't talked to my sister about it yet. And I want to before she leaves. I really value her opinion. Not just in fashion but also in Christ, in the world, in everything. She's not perfect, but she's my sister and she's awesome. I've been thinking about the girl.
Just in general though, I miss everyone. I could cry. Maybe =) It's just a longing for them. Like I can imagine myself going back on Sunday and just hugging people like crazy because I'd be just so happy to see them.

And I guess the last thing on my mind is God. Big topic =) But partly covered already. I haven't really been doing devos. At all. And it's cause this sad feeling because I"m spending time watching movies and not spending time with the God who created the universe. But I"m glad He's shown me things on this cruise. The world is different. Maybe it's being in a church environment all summer. The seculararility is so different. And it's like there's such a big need for God. Maybe that came out weird. Oh well
And also, God's just spoken to me in general about treasuring others at this moment it's my KNA friends but it's true with all people

And so this is probably the end. The cruise is almost over. It's a sweet and bitter thing. we'll leave that for tomorrow though .Goodnight and...god bless =)
-Chris

Cruise Day 4

2009-09-06T15:06:00.000-07:00

September 1, 2009

Hey

Wow it's September
Bar Harbor
A lot of miscommunication
distance fro mGod
so time consumed
feel like focus isn't right
Princess pop star
Family
thanks

Cruise Day 3: Boston. Where no one knows my name =P

2009-09-06T13:59:00.000-07:00

August 31, 2009

Hey

I wish I could have written last night but I ended up sleeping at like 2 because I was playing Taboo with my cousin for a long time =). Super really fun. It was more of a vacation than the dinner =P. It was the first formal dinner of the cruise. I haven't really dressed up in a really long time so I guess it was nice. Kelvin gelled my hair into a fohawk. Apparently I don't look too bad in it. Excpet I wouldn't go through the hassle of claying my hair everyday . It would just take too much time.

So anyways, yesterday was fun. Newport itself was more of a historical attraction and the weather was semi-gloomy and it started raining after a while. But t'is fun talking to my cousins about cameras because they all have Canon (canon's awesome =P ) So we were super-marco-ing and color accenting everything. It's good spending more time with my cousins.

Today was our third day. 3 out of 7. Almost half over. Woke up and went to continental breakfast to find that it was amazingly sunny today =)

Oh right, backtracking for a moment, Last night I went out for a night time stroll with my parents to the back of the boat where not too many people were. It was dark and absolutely beautiful. As I looked out towards the moon, the ocean just spanner so far and the moon left a beautiful reflection on the water's surface. I guess I haven't really been to nature in a while this summer. I've wanted to but it seemed like I never got the time. Anyways it was amazing. =) I've never seen water like that before. It was so...majestic because it was just so VAST! And so praise the Lord for making such an awesome earth =P because it is. And yesterday I was able to see a glimpse of God's creative, awesomeness.

So today we stopped in Boston and it was nothing like Newport. Major city full of people and sadly smoke and buildings and just in general, it was sooo much bigger and different from Newport. Me and my sister didn't know very much about Boston. I acutally only know about the Boston Red Sox. But anyways, we went to Harvard =)

I've never been on a university campus in the States before. And it was like Harvard. It's like the place for all the smart/rich people and everything . I was walking around in it and actually there were tours going on but anyways, all the parents were wearing suits and everything looked so expensive. It was interesting. But I think the most awesome thing was the subway adventure we had. To get to Harvard from a separate piece of land, we took the subway and that was pretty fun. I've realized that public transportation is always super fun with friends =)

So that was Boston. Came back. Watched Ghosts of Girlfriends Past. It was alright. I guess as far as movies went. The comments made about women and dating were really...well worldly and crude but it had it's cute moments. Afterward we went to Club Fusion for Family Karaoke. I sang the BSB song Shape of my Heart. Haven't really sung karoake in a while in front of people before but it was alright i guess. And then it was family Disco for like 5 songs after that. Kind of embarassing but it was with my family and random miscellaneous people so...it's alright to do crazy dumb things =P But i seriously don't understand the purpose of going to a club. The songs just have beats. They don't really make any sense lyrically. And it's the same body movement for 30 movements. hmph

Anyways it's getting late and I should sleep. I"ll write more tomorrow i guess =P
-Chris

Cruise Day 2: Catching up

2009-09-06T12:29:00.000-07:00

August 30, 2009

Hey

Sorry for the abrupt close yesterday. I actually didn't even finish my sentence properly because I passed out =P. Like actually. I was on my bed writing and waiting for Agnes to come back from some show and I just fell asleep on my bed. I woke up halfway through the night and found the notebook beside me and I'm like Dang! Haha anyways it's morning now so I feel better.

So continuing, I walked into A & F and at first I told myself I absolutely wouldn't buy anything. But I did. I bought a polo for $13 =\ because my mother said it was cheap. And maybe it is cheap but I feel really weird about it because 1. I'm not supposed I'm not really supposed to be into A & F and 2. It goes against everything I've kind of learned for the past while. The chapter of crazy love where it talked about the poor made me think a lot about how much I had. So I kind of aimed for what another friend ( i don't know if i can mention her name =P ) is doing which is not buying clothes until Christmas. Which is pretty intense. Sometimes I guess I look at my wardrobe and feel like it's lacking but when I compare it to others who barely have any clothes, it's HUGE and that's the thing. I'm comparing myself usually with people who spend a lot. I should be comparing myself with God's standards.

And so I guess the polo has made me think a bit. About self control, shopping, how God wants me to spend the gifts he's blessed me with. That was the only thing I bought that day. Actually up to this point.

The cruise check-in was an adventure on it's own. I guess being in a car for so long was pretty uncomfortable. Oh and when we got to Kingston, I accidentally locked my sister's washroom that auto locks when you close the door. Haha we ended up fixing it and at the time I was so worried I had incurred my sister's wrath but I think it's okay now. We fixed it =) So no worries.

Back to check-in. There were a lot of people. And my belt set off the metal detector =P Probably the most exciting thing about that.

I should probably summarize the rest of yesterday before...well I wouldn't want to bore anyone to death. So basically the food's really intensely awesome and the servers like come and they take your plates and crack pepper and like...everything. it's so weird. I"m not very used to having other people do stuff for me. I usually do stuff myself. So I guess it's really foreign to me to have people serve me like unlimited amounts of food from a menu. I guess I don't have extremely high expectations. This morning we were eating breakfast and my aunt kind of got angry at the waiters because there wasn't a fork and plate for my uncle and it was weird because me or my family would never openly do that because we usually don't mind things like that. So i guess it's just weird to have people serving us in general.

In terms of my spiritual life..it's been...well I think it hasn't been at it's best. I'm thankful God's given me time to recharge before school and KNA starts. I just wish I had more time to spend with Him. Maybe reading the Bible. Well I should go now. h ave to go to Newport. Never been there. It looks historic and old though.
-Chris

Cruise Day 1: Sail away to a far off land

2009-09-06T11:33:00.000-07:00

Aug.29,2009

Hey

So right now I"m on a boat. Supposedly it's a really angry song according to my cousin. But that's besides the point =P. Because I wasn't really referring to the song in the first place

So last night I went to KNA at first just to drop off some stuff before I left to drive for like 10 hours. I ended up staying a whole hour and a bit and during that time, I realized I would miss them a lot. Like I gave Sam 3 hugs before I left and somebody awesome gave me a super awesome looking postcard =P Thanks.
And I do miss them.

Before I left, I kept saying that I was going to be on a boat and Nat Tay told me I should say cruise. Saying cruise made me feel really...spoiled because it was such a luxurious thing and SOOO unnecessary when you think about it. And she said anyone that could afford a cruise was spoiled. And it kind of hit me even though I' dknown it in the back of my head that I was spoiled. I'll go through that more later I guess.

So we got into the car and it was kind of moody weather with light showers and mist all the time while we were driving. It was interesting. Before we got to the ship dock, we went to an outlet because we were too early to board the ship. I guess this was basically the biggest point for me. First we went to Gap and I kind of resisted the temptation to buy anything because I guess after reading Crazy Love and just reflecting in general on the Bible, I realized I really do have A LOT of stuff and I really don't need anymore. We went around more and we needed at A &F. At first I went in and I thought "of course i'm not getting anything here"

Elephant Knees =)

2009-08-26T19:58:00.000-07:00

Hey!

Wow I haven't blogged for 4 days. It feels different since I tried to blog almost everyday during VBC. It's been different for sure though. These past few days. A lot of time it seems. Also a lot of tooth pain =P My back teeth's coming out. Hopefully when it's done coming out, it'll mean I am closer to taking off my braces. Yippee yay =)

But anyways, these past days...they've been majorly full of time and full of just..well time to think. But at the same time I feel like the time I've been blessed with isn't really being put to good use. By that I mean like...I guess I feel like mostly I'm not spending a lot of my time doing devos. And just praying. And I'm also playing flash games. That's some bad news. Because i haven't really played flash games for a while since...well maybe even a year and a bit ago.

Also I guess the feeling of summer coming to an end is... kind of sad. I feel like I had so much planned for this summer. I was going to go on the roof of my house and watch the stars, I was going to finish a story, I was going to...just do a lot of things. Bike more maybe. Or just do stuff. And it seems like I've used up my whole summer doing random things. Well not random things. I should probably be really thankful for the opportunities God has given me this summer. I have grown. I did some reading. I got some thinking done. Crazy Love was really amazing. It...well it convicted me of how I live and how I'm going to live out my life this year for school and for fellowship. It's going to be awesome. And VBC was awesome. And I guess when I look at it, my summer was awesome. Maybe I didn't get to do the things I wanted. But you know, that's not how it always is. I got to do some stuff that I didn't think I'd be doing and so that's something to be thankful for =) And we started our redecoration efforts! yay =)

Today I saw my school friends again. Man it's been so long. They all look so beautiful =) And marco got taller. SOOOOO much taller. And he's got some really fobby clothing. And it's kind of intimidating being around him because well...he's pretty tall/buff/hot/intense and well he's just kind of intensely awesome =P and also I guess being around my school friends was a lot different than my church friends. I've spent my ENTIRE summer around my church friends. And they're awesome. And they're different because they're motivated by different things, their perspective's different and I guess I'm just a little afraid that I won't be able to hold my ground aganist all these....worldy things when I'm around them. Like they're great people and they have awesome hearts but I guess it's just different. Like my friend asked me today how my love interests/relationships went this summer because apparently some of them had like....summer flings. But this is the battlefield. Where God has asked me to be. And that's where I'm going to be. Because this year...well I feel like I have a lot of support this year and I can always look to my fellowship as something to ground me. And I made a pact with black gospel Sam that if any one of us becomes different during the school year, in any way that strays away from God's calling we'll be sure to tell one another. And that's I guess...keeping ourselves accountable =P

Oh so I haven't really gotten to the name of the post yet. Nobody would really get it. Cept Nat tay =P and Freddy. Supposedly during the K-cab Cellgroup, Freddy and Nat looked at my knees and said they looked like elephants. Interesting =P I don't know what that means for me and ben's leadership =P but it's a funny thing that they said that. Yesterday me and ben had to plan the program for the cell group and it was interesting. Well actually I'd planned a program before with Ben because last year they decided the GM's should plan a night. And we picked Repentance night. And we did some crazy stuff with the AV system. And it was a really big experience with lifting things up to God because it was a night with a lot of loopholes and things that could go wrong but after figuring out that I couldn't control everything and after praying about it with some other people, it went awesome. Amazing things happened that night. And not because of me. Because trust me, I didn't control the sharing or a lot of other things or the weather. But yea, it was different and interesting. And yesterday didn't have as much preparation but still it was interesting just having the experience of leading a cell group.

I'm really excited for this year. I've probably said it a lot. But still. I'm excited =) Being in a cell group with these people, spending most of my summer with these...awesome friends =) makes me really excited and pumped up for next year. And there are going to be glitches. There always are. But we're just going to have to work around them =)
I should be packing right now.
I actually don't know what to expect for this cruise. I've never been on one. It's gonna be intense. Like crazy intense because it's like buffet 24/7 and it's just going to be fun. Don't know what we're doing at each place though =P should probably look that up. But anyways, I'm also hoping to spend some more time with my sister because i'm living in a room with her and well i haven't been able to I guess talk to her about stuff for a while just because she's usually out and we don't have time for i guess just sitting down and talking. And I guess I've been meaning to talk to her about the whole girl situation. She'd probably have some good insight on that.

I guess with that whole thing...I thought I'd tell her before I went on the cruise. But I guess there's only a slim margin for that now. Maybe like 8 hours but...I don't really know. I....don't know. And so I guess I'm hoping to get some time on the cruise to think about it. and write. And I guess I'm looking forward to a break. Despite the fact that i'm missing a bunch of stuff. It'll be alright. They'll do fine without me =P I'm not that important. I love you all. Whoever's reading this.

Well this'll probably be my last blog post before I leave for the boat.
Farewell my friends.
If i perish, Sam gets my Lego collection for his future children who we were supposed to have play dates with. Sorry mate =P
-Chris

Autumn's foreboding

2009-08-22T10:35:00.000-07:00

Hey,

VBC's over and maybe it hasn't hit me yet and maybe it has but it's saddening. The last 2 days were pretty amazing. I should probably talk about the zoo because I don't recall having the opportunity to write about that.

So on thursday we went to the zoo and I didn't really know what to expect. At first I was really excited and this was like before the camp started and halfway through the camp I was still excited. I guess I was always excited about it but I was also scared that my kids would run away but overall it was an amazing day. Also, they said that it would have a thunderstorm that day and we prayed the day before that it wouldn't thunderstorm and it didn't. It was actually one of the hottest days ever =P Which was kind of crazy. And the kids loved it except we didn't get to see all the African animals. And Frieda was really good.
So overall it was a really great day. Except...I say this with I guess some kind of shame/regret that I was kind of distracted. Dumb eh?
But anyways, altogether it was a great day. And God was really blessing us with the kids and the weather.

The night before was our second ever K-cab meeting. And I guess the main thing that happened that night was the fact that we got our cell group leader pairings. Mine were B Wong and Nat Tay and I'm actually really excited about that. I know Nat doesn't think she can commit very well but it's nice knowing that she's in my cell group and well I"m really excited for just K-cab in general next year because it looks like it's going to be one heck of an exciting year =) Unexpected and full of surprises but awesome. And getting to know Brian and work with him seems...well just like a really great experience. Haha i seem to be using awesome, great, amazing and synonyms of those a lot. Not very descriptive =P

So proceeding onto Thursday night, I went to Destiny's for Pei Ying's goodbye party. It was the first time I've ever been to Destiny's and probably the only time I'll go in a long time. I don't know, i felt kind of antisocial in that place. I sat in the middle of the very long table and across me was Ben who I was pretty used to but like...of all the people there, I was probably the least apt at socializing. Like on my left were a bunch of girls who kind of knew each other and they seemed well...pretty into their conversation of sorts and then on the other side were like another group and so I guess...well I never really feel all to secure when I go out. I just don't do well in those situations. So I guess I felt awkward. And then I did like the dumbest thing and I spilled red bean milk tea over Cherry. And I tried to apologize and then she went into the washroom and I went outside. Later on I found out...well she didn't seem mad and I was just being dumb. And so on this walk outside I guess I was just trying to figure myself out. It was nice outside. There'd been a tornado storm earlier and a rainbow but as the sun was almost done setting there was a nice highlight against the darkening sky and out there I guess I prayed a little and maybe calmed down. I felt bad when some of them came out looking for me. But anyways, I guess when you look at it in the scheme of things, it doesn't matter all too much if I had super funs or wahtevs because that wasn't the point of the night. The point of the night was for PY and just giving her a good night before she left to Brazil. And I think she had that.

Haha it's funny how there's one more day that I have to I guess...talk about. I feel like I"m rambling and I"m not quite sure who I'm even talking to nowadays but I'm just...writing I guess. To whoever. Maybe myself ,in the future, a couple years ahead when some things have changed. No clue.

So yesterday was the last day of VBC and I guess I hadn't really thought it fully through. It was the last day with these kids. And when I think about it, it's not REALLY the last time i'll see them because i think about half my kids go to church but still, it was weird. Sabrina had left and Val was her replacement...well technically my replacement because i guess I got bumped up to crew leader but it was usually just me and 5 of the kids because Val was with Frieda most of the time. So I guess it was hard for me and I felt bad during the scavenger hunt because I wasn't really being a good crew leader. I half yelled at them a lot because I was beginning to get frustrated. And so I felt like the last day with them wasn't what it could've been and in that aspect, I was sad.

Before I get onto the night, Evelyn reminded me of something that I guess i haven't really remembered in a while. She was taking pictures with somebody's camera, I can't quite recall who's but that doesn't matter. She showed me the picture and I said it was ugly and that's when she told me something I hadn't thought of in a while. For a while it's been an on and off kind of thing where I'm just not very secure because sometimes I don't feel like I'm...very decent to look at. Like it's probably the weirdest sounding way to put it but I guess with my mom telling me that my acne is exploding on my face and just seeing other people i guess i feel insecure often and i've just let it be. She was completely serious as she said to me how dare i mock the creation of God and that I was wonderfully and fearfully made. I haven't thought of that in a while. I guess I always saw that as applying to others but not really myself. So I guess it's something to think about. and for whoever reads this. Thanks EV mak.

Closing ceremony was pretty good I guess. The skit was the funniest and probably the funnest that we've ever done because it was so relaxed. We should probably do it like that next year again. Just points of where each skit is supposed to lead instead of solid lines because then people are a lot more natural and as long as they stay in character. The song was pretty fun and I think it went well. And PY left. it was pretty awesome to just pray for her as a drama team =P and just talk a little more before she left. We'll miss her.

And I gave out the pictures I developed. Except for Frieda =\ which kind of makes me sad because I won't see her for maybe a year because i don't think she comes to church. but hopefully she will tomorrow.

And so now, I guess I don't have much to do. I actually have a plane letter to work on. Should get started on that. =)
Thanks
-Chris

Sunshine coming through the clouds like FIRE! =)

2009-08-19T19:36:00.000-07:00

Hey

So I'm going to start off with saying that God is awesome =) Why? Cuz he's awesome.
Haha simon told me i can't explain things like that.
So i'll explain. My kids were awesome. Like no joke. AWESOME! SOLID! NO NOOB STAINS!
haha. But to be serious, for the past couple days I was praying for patience and love because the kids were starting to test the limits or moreover it was William and a couple of the boys. And I guess the exhaustion of VBC was starting to get to me and I feared that I was being inflexible.

But today it was like...the kids were just awesome. In the morning it started off with the boys running away from me because they wanted to get to the next station like super fast and I guess for some reason I was a little frustrated with that but it wasn't a big thing. And I guess as we went on, I saw so much awesomeness in my kids. The obstacle course during the games time was pretty good.

But it was mostly in the afternoon that I saw a lot of growth. Frieda was especially good today =)
And Tiffany talked. Like actually. I love Dom =) He was one on one-ing with her the whole afternoon and that was really good because she got more attention and like somebody to talk to and it was really amazing seeing her talk =)

I wish I could say more but I have to sleep but I just wanted to say it was awesome. And K-cab was...well that's a whole other story =)

-Chris

fresh like rain

2009-08-18T19:10:00.000-07:00

Hey

So I haven't written in a couple days and VBC second week is happening and I should really be getting myself together and writing because a lot of things happen.

I'll keep it short because I should really spend more time sleeping.
This week for VBC, it's been kind of a switching. A lot of my kids are beginning to open up =)
it was actually REALLY great because like the girls started talking.
yesterday we played spider spider mantis which is like duck duck goose but since we're spider mantis, well yea =) and we heard tiffany talk for the first time. Like audibly. Usually we just ask her yes or no questions and she just nods but we heard her say spider and today she didn't really talk but it's alright because she's smiling a lot more now =)
and it's great when they smile because you feel like they're having fun and it just energizes you to do more.

This week there were also a couple more complications.
Yesterday the kids were rowdy. Like intensely rowdy and William started acting up like pushing our limits but otherwise it's been pretty decent. I feel like I'm not a very fun counsellour and I need to be more flexible in just what I let the kids do but be firm at the same time.

So I'm just praying that I can draw this love from God and also that I can just see this camp as only 3 more days to show these kids how much we love them and not 3 days left.

Goodnight
-Chris

Standstill

2009-08-16T17:49:00.000-07:00

Hey

So I'm not quite sure what's going on with me right now.
It seems I have a lot on my mind but I don't know what to do with it all. And it's as if I'm just wasting my time around.

Today was Sunday service and I was part of the congregation for once in a while. Like I haven't really been a part of the congregation without any kind of job and it was interesting today. The message was different. I wasn't quite sure it would apply to me. Like I guess I could give in terms of the money my parents give me but it's a little less applicable.
And I messed up during children worship and I guess in general this whole morning I felt so out of it. Like...I just wasn't connected to anything.

Tomorrow's the first day of VBC skits and I just feel so...lost. Right now.
My team's awesome. But I don't feel like much a leader. Much of anything really.
I haven't been keeping up with God lately. I want to talk to Him but I find every time I begin, something pops up.
And with my friends I feel like I haven't kept up with them. I'm not a very good accountability partner. And just...I feel like msn is starting to become less and less...i don't know. I'm not talking to a lot of people. And I want to. I just can't...find them. And I'm kind of scared because if they asked me how I would be doing...I'd tell them to the same thing. And I'd get pretty whiny and it'd just be the same thing over and over again.
I don't know what I should be doing.

I should probably make more signs.
So I will....hopefully.

I'm writing pretty depressingly aren't I?
I'm sorry.

I'm excited to see my kids tomorrow. That's something.
I'm excited to go to the farm.
And I'm hoping...that right now as I'm about to leave, that I can spend some time with God.

There's so much doing that I've lost sight of where I'm going.
And so right now, today, i had a day where I didn't do very much. But there's stuff to do.
like the final ceremony skit.

But I need to pray before anything.
so maybe i'll keep up with this later
farewell

-Chris

My Saviour Loves, He Lives

2009-08-15T16:26:00.000-07:00

Hey

So I haven't written for 3 days. I think. Something along those lines.
The past 3 days have been kind of hectic but I'll try to recount them as best I can. I guess I have a lot to write right now. A lot in my head that kind of feels like it needs to be put down somewhere. Or said. In some fashion.

So Thursday.
Thursday was a pretty awesome day. A hard day. But still awesome =)
It was the day of the evangelical message and it was pretty tough getting my kids to sit down and listen to the message because a lot of them seem to know it already. And they took the explanation sheet =P So it was pretty cute watching them answering our questions with words out of the sheet. But yea, that's what I mainly remember from the day itself.
As I was leaving after a day of VBC and some drama practice, I saw Katy leaving with her dad and she's usually really shy, partly because she doesn't have the best understanding of english and also she's just small and shy but that day as I was leaving, she said bye to me. And it was with the cutest smile and most adorable face =)
and as I unlocked my bike she got the car window down just to say bye to me again =)
and that I guess was just breathtakingly amazing. Because for one, she never talks and she's really begun to open up. Now that I look at it, on friday, she said her rolecall number. Which is awesome. Usually people wouldn't think it's awesome.
But it is =) because usually we have to call 4 and she just raises her hand. And she's so excited everyday it makes me feel like they're really enjoying it. Which makes us enjoy it =)

Thursday was also our first K-cab training day kind of thing. And the biggest thing for me was kind of seeing how it would go and I was really excited because I'm really excited for k-cab this year because it just seems like the greatest thing. And there's a couple worries that float in my head in terms of k-cab but generally I'm excited. So on Thursday at our first meeting, we were paired up with accountability partners. And mine is Jeffrey.
He might actually be reading this. But I might as well be honest. I guess I was at first surprised and I felt kind of uncomfortable. But I'm kind of looking forward to it. Because this is something different. Something I'm going to have to work at. And that's good. Because all the things that are worth it are things that we have to work at. Real hard. And so i'm excited and yet still struggling with it kind of with God but I'm kind of beginning to understand why God planned it out like this.

That's a general wrap up of Thursday. Onto Friday.

Friday was the pool day. I guess the whole day I was kind of waiting up to the pool because well...it seemed pretty exciting going to the pool with my kids =) It was. One or two things that were kind of strange and kind of made me feel...maybe that's for another time. But it was mostly really good.
I guess when you think about it, it was fast. The fact that a whole week has passed. Half of it's gone. Just...gone. And it's kind of sad in a way because I tend to think about each day as it goes by with a mindset of kind of getting to the next station and having fun with the kids but at the end of it all I guess i'm sad because it feels like it's actually been really short.
I'm excited for this following week.

Fellowship yesterday was also pretty awesome. We did worship outside. It felt...bold I guess but not even bold but it felt so natural. Worship outside purely acoustic with everyone kind of like doing whatever they wanted like sway or clap or whatever and it felt so...easy. Like there was no AV to worry about and it was just so much more simple. But I felt kind of weird when I was running around playing the sports and sweating like mad. I guess I felt kind of weird in the fact that I wasn't really talented in the sport and yet I was being a little crazy. And I was probably really sweaty. =\ But I met someone new. And it's probably the first new person I've never met before that I talked to more than a simple introduction. It was pretty awesome. Ryan's cool =) Won't add him on Facebook though. Not at this point. And probably because I just don't go on facebook anymore.

After fellowship I walked to Simon's house to put down his guitar and then we walked to Steph's house. For the sleepover. That we've been planning for a while kind of.
So while we walked we talked. And I guess it was something that I needed to talk about but didn't know how. And thank God that I have awesome brothers. I guess I talked mainly about the whole girl issue. And I haven't come to a solid conclusion. I haven't. I kind of wondered a lot about it today.
I guess i'm going to have to tell her. I owe it to her. I do. I just don't know what I'm going to do. Because well...I should. And she probably kind of already knows anyway.
The sleepover was pretty cool. Not what I expected. Sad that the night went by so fast. And the afternoon kind of passed fast. But it was nice seeing everyone sleeping. So peaceful. As if there wasn't a care in the world. While the world spun around and 6 billion people were living their lives.

And in terms of God I've been feeling kind of empty in terms of that. Just like the fact that VBC has been really draining and I haven't been able to spend as much time as I'd like. I'm actually going to go in like 5 minutes so that I can try to spend however much time I want on devos. I feel like I haven't talked to God in a while. Like talked. Just about. And it's different from talking to Sam or simon but it could be just as if not more amazing.

And so I conclude here
It's been a while since I posted
So i made a super long post =)

hopefully I can keep it up.
There's a lot to do. But that's alright.
Goodnight
-Chris

Starlight Starbright, Won't you shower me tonight?

2009-08-12T17:39:00.000-07:00

Hey

So tonight there's supposed to be a super cool meteor shower tonight. haha i just said tonight twice =P

But yea, I don't think i've ever seen one before and I'm pretty excited. So right now i'm writing, waiting for the sky to turn darker and for the stars to come out so that I can go watch them.

Today was awesome. And also...awkward and also something to reflect on.
I should probably start with the awesome part =)
because the awesome part is always...well it came chronologically first so yea =)

VBC today was awesome. Haha I was super stoked for the bowling so I came with high expectations or some intense excitedness already built up.
And this morning the kids seemed a lot better because they were all pretty excited as well =)
Frieda was even better this morning. She was with her brother during singspiration and then they hugged afterwards so it was pretty awesome and she was well behaved.
I guess it's good to realize that they're not really bad, just have a short attention span and that they're actually really smart =)
well actually i knew that about them already

So it's getting late.
I ended up just watching the stars
I came back by the way =P

So since I have very little time I'm just going to talk about VBC today.
Today's VBC was pretty awesome. The most awesome time would be the most awesome time for anything. Travel time =)
On the bus, the trip going I went with Felix and he ended up sleeping on me. Which was really cute =)
and then on the way coming back i sat with William who's really talkative and he ended up sleeping on me too =P

Overall I'd love to explain more but sadly i have to go and sleep. but it was an awesome day. Absolutely awesome =)
And i really hope to see the kids continue to grow with each other and also see how they live with me =P
Goodnight
-Chris

Spider Mantis! Hoo Haa! =)

2009-08-11T16:15:00.000-07:00

Hey

So yesterday, I didn't really get to explain very much so I'm hoping I can spend a little more time typing today. Kind of got distracted yesterday =P

So yesterday's name of the post was head count and clump. Haha they're each something we told the kids to do and it was amazing what came out of it. Head count's basically where we scream out "HEADCOUNT!" and they number themselves off and they're supposed to form a straight line. Haha we usually do it just to grab their attention and make sure they're all here because we have some crazy wanderers. And yesterday when we first did it, it was pretty awesome watching them =P
Of course they're not perfect at it by any means but it's cute and hopefully it continues to work. Today it was a little less effective.

And Clump was just something really cute =) So we were playing the toilet paper wrap game where they're supposed to wrap in toilet paper and travel across the gym together. So we told them to clump and they all just hugged each other in this amazingly cute bundle. And they were like "Can we have the toilet paper now? we're getting tired?" and it was absolutely adorable. I wish I had taken a picture. But it'll hopefully be in my head for a while =)

It's good. That God has these memories in me to remember. Because on days like today where the kids were pretty rowdy, I'm able to have patience and love because I remember how awesome these kids can be. =)

Today was a little more rowdy. Frieda and Felix started wandering around like ALOT. haha during lunch I couldn't get Felix stay with the group. I guess for games time I was little upset because Felix told me and Sabrina to go away. And he actually like said it. And he really doesn't talk very much. But he seemed alright afterwards. Kind of. Hopefully he's more excited tomorrow.

And today I realized that even though they might not be the most excited looking kids, they're still excited. Why? Because this morning I asked Tiffany who's a pretty quiet kid if she was excited for the day. She shook her head. Better than most shake of the heads =) and she smiled. Slightly. And that was probably the most awesome part of my morning =)
Because knowing that your kids are excited...well it makes you feel pretty awesome because it's like you're doing SOMETHING right =)

Today's post title is named after our team/cheer =P
so William wanted spider. 2 more wanted Praying mantis. Our original idea was dragonfly but the air group took that SO we made a SUPER HYBRID! =)
Haha gotta like appease the children so that's what we did.

TOMORROW'S BOWLING! =)
it's exciting =P

And so I should probably update on something that's not VBC =P
you know, seeing as I do have about 5 hours afterwards everyday =)

For the past couple of days I've been reading Mark and i'm at this one verse. It's when Jesus sends out the Twelve disciples and tells them that they don't really need anything. It's in Mark 6. And it's got me kind of thinking .Because often i find that when we minister or when we preach we use other things to help us and sometimes we use them like crutches. Like sometimes we think we NEED a band or we NEED a certain thing but I guess this verse has made me think that I don't really need anything. Well it's not really me, it's the fact that God's telling me I don't need anything. And maybe this is something I'm struggling with. But it's something I hope i'll come to think about for a while because it's important.

And I hope she's alright. Because well...she seemed kind of sad and cluttered today.

Thanks
-Chris

Headcount! Clump! =)

2009-08-10T17:36:00.000-07:00

Hey

Today was the first day of VBC and it was absolutely...stunning. =)
I promised I'd try to write during the actual camp and I'm kind of glad that I will. It's really great thinking about how awesome the kids are. =)

So the name of this post might seem pretty weird eh?
But they're my most fond memories of today. haha and it's just today.
It was amazing just seeing the progression today and seeing how much the kids evolved and opened up in just one day.

So at the beginning of the day, I was sitting there at my bin and I was really nervous because I didn't know what to expect. And this part was actually the most nerve racking from what I remember of last year. Last year I was sitting there and my kids would come in and I would have no clue what to say.
It was kind of like that this year. Except I didn't even have my crew leader. So there I am, feeling kind of inadequate because the assistant beside me is so much more pro than me. Just cause she is. =) Haha
So the first kid came and she didn't really talk and neither did the second. And so I had a bunch of kids with me and I was kind of really scared because I was trying to start some conversations through asking them questions but they didn't really reply. And I was thankful that like the 3rd kid was pretty talkative and I was...well encouraged I guess.

So when my crew leader came, there was one more kid and she was like quite the diva but I'll talk about that later. =P
So I was scared leaving the gym and going to Bible activity that I'd have a super quiet, awkward group but I went into Bible Study and it was pretty fun because some of the kids called each other like weird food items. Like I was Chocolate Milk Chris. And somebody else was hamburger =P

But yea, by lunch time I was having fun with them and there were awkward moments where I was trying to talk to somebody and they just stared back at me.
Oh and the name of my kids...

Freida:
Felix:
William:
Katy:
Tiffany:
Nathan:

I'll talk more about them later as it's getting late. But I'm absolutely thrilled to go again tomorrow =P and it's an amazing experience because they're the sweetest things ever. Well maybe not all of them =P but it's just so awesome because I thought i'd be distracted but...well i'm not really because the kids are just that awesome =)
will post soon =P
Bye
-Chris

Cluttered Mind

2009-08-09T15:31:00.001-07:00

Hey

So I guess I haven't written in a couple of days. About 3. I think =)
It was a strange post, the one i did a couple days ago.
I guess it was very....haha intense?

It's funny I'm not quite sure who will ever read this. So I guess this is more of my own little outlet and thoughts than really for anyone else. Which is good. =)
Which is why I've decided that I'm going to try to stick to one blog. Rather than 2. Because if i'm going to be discreet on one of them, there's really no point to writing 2 posts about relatively the same thing. Cool =)

So yea, since I last wrote, it seems to have gotten a lot better. I guess in terms of my family it's been going....really well. Praise Jesus! =) Ahaha. It's like something Sam would say.
But seriously, I'm thankful that for the most part, it's been going really smoothly. And I don't regret really talking about it like that the last time i wrote. Because that's how i felt at the time. And I guess I 'll probably feel it again at some point in my life. And if it's real, I guess I don't regret it because the whole point of this blog was to be able to just say whatever I wanted to say.

So I guess the pressing issue now...well actually there's two. It's like somehow there's always multiple ones. Which I guess keeps my life..moving =P
The first would have to be VBC.
It's tomorrow!

Haha i've been asking people if they're excited for the past while and I say i'm excited and I am. Truly. I just don't think it's hit me yet.
The intensity of it. The fact that tomorrow morning at like 9 i'm going to have kindergarten kids coming up to me and sitting beside me.
Intense. ly fun =)
So i'm really excited for VBC.
And i'm also nervous. As I am for anything that i'm doing. Haha Arts Cafe.
I guess i'm nervous about just meeting the kids. Like they're going to be absolutely awesome but as like JK and SK kids I guess i'm scared i'll be a bad crew leader or i'll be really distracted. I guess I'll touch more on the latter one afterwards.
And also my drama team's been a little on the iffy side. Like I love the people in it. It's a little different from last year I guess because it's so diverse in it's people. Like we have drama veterans, fresh drama meat and non-christians. And I guess that kind of threw me off.
But I guess I shouldn't worry about it because they're gonna be awesome. Absolutely awesome =)
I'll try to write during VBC. But I'll probably be DEAD TIRED! =P
But I'm glad. Absolutely thrilled that I've been blessed with this opportunity. Because it is an opportunity right? To be in the presence of such amazingly innocent and awesome children =)

And now onto the probably most problematic issue for me. And yet it's the most recurring. Remember how I mentioned I was scared of being distracted during VBC?
I think the first post I ever wrote, I talked about this. The girl.
I guess this past week or so I've been thinking of it a little more. Maybe it's because I'm not being at an Arts Cafe practice everyday. Which doesn't fully make sense. Because of well...anyways.
But I guess it's been on my mind a lot.
I actually typed up like 3-4 more paragraphs about this but the blogger kind of messed up on me and I guess i'll try retyping it again. But it'll be different I guess.

So last night at dinner I realized...I'm not really fun. And I guess by fun I mean I probably won't poke you if you poke me or I can't joke around and maybe playfully push you or just...carry on a casual conversation. Some people might think I'm comfortable but I think that's only when I'm maybe screaming or being obnoxious or just being ridiculous but when it comes time for me to just talk with someone...I'm always awkward. I always find myself just floating around sometimes after service because I don't know who to talk to and what to talk about. I'm not very social. And when I realize this and think about it....I remember that this is something I have to let pass. Because there's no other thing to do about it. Because she's just so...much more than I am. And i know it sounds like the dumb sterotypical thing. But I mean when I look at her, like I can barely talk to her...

And so I guess that's how it's going with that right now. I've been thinking about it more. Thinking about it for the past week. past while. past year.
And I think something that I'm wrestling with is God in this situation. Like I guess I've been praying about it for a while now. And I haven't seen like this concrete kind of answer or maybe an answer at all. It's kind of been scattered and I guess this is maybe why I'm struggling. Because i don't know where to go and what to do. And it scares me because it is distracting. Sometimes I find myself indirectly thinking about her out of the blue and i feel...messed up. Maybe that's not the right word. But it's what I can come up with now. I was talking to a friend about this and she asked me if I was feeling all this because I "liked" a girl and I guess it was. It's weird. But that's just how it is right now. So I guess that's the basic gist of that.

I guess the last paragraph and the couple before it make my life seem kind of on the lower side of things. But it isn't. I'm actually really excited. Despite the fact that I'm probably going to get distracted, despite the fact that I'm going to feel extremely awkward, I'm still excited =). There's going to be a lot happening during these 2 weeks. And I guess I'm kind of expecting a lot to happen. But God can do amazing things. I just hope I continue to see them and just thank Him and also do devos.

And so that's probably the wrap up of my second time writing this post =P
kind of funny how i have to write it twice. =)

And for the random posts with the girl Lisa, they're part of a story I was inspired to randomly write because I have an amazing writer as a friend. Tragic stories, but absolutely breathtakingly amazing. So I don't know where it's going to go in terms of plot but...we'll see =)

And that's the end of this SUPER long post =)
Thanks

-Chris

Sunburst

2009-08-08T08:14:00.000-07:00

The soft plucking of a guitar stirred inside Lisa something that had long been dormant inside her fragile body. Her eyes fluttered open and instantly she felt exhausted, her extremities limp, pale at her sides. Trying to look around, she noticed the wires that stretched around her body. Machinery whirred and chirped around her bed, unaware that their host had awoken.

Lisa's eyes searched dreamily for the source of the melody. It was nearby, as if right beside her, but her body felt foreign and distant as she tried to move. Slowly, a head emerged in her line of vision, a man with short, wispy hair, sitting with his back towards her. He seemed oblivious to her awakening. His shape seemed familiar, as if from another time before it had all happened. Suddenly remembering the events prior to her unconsciousness, she let out a small gasp.

The man's hand suddenly stopped moving and the guitar slid gently to the floor, landing with a soft pang. Lifeless, it deflected the sunlight into a bursting arraying around the room.

Tunnel with an Immeasurable Distance from the Light

2009-08-04T20:11:00.000-07:00

Hi

I don't quite know what the title is about. But i guess i just don't feel so great right now. I don't really know what i'm doing. Writing this blog. I should probably be praying. hard.

Right now, I'm struggling with a couple things. This morning I woke up and it was only one thing. One small thing when i put it light of everything else. But when i woke up it seemed to kind of be ridiculously enlarged. That was pretty selfish of me. Pretty selfish.

So for the past couple of days I've been setting off on little bike excursions and wrestling with the idea of girls. It's weird. And it sounds pretty trippy. I know. It actually sounds kind of dumb. Everytime i tell someone or write about it. I feel dumb. I guess maybe it's because it's weird talking about it because i haven't fully come to terms with it or i don't know what i'm doing anymore. I guess for the past...months i've been trying to let it go. Or rather let it pass. And i've been wrestling with God because i'm really not sure what he wants me to do. And i feel kind of ashamed that it's become such a distraction. That i can't properly serve in ministries or that I just can't spend enough time with God.

Feels kind of like a loop. It pops up from time to time. And almost every time, I feel kind of messed up. Well usually it's pretty messed up. To be honest.

This morning I woke up to the sound of yelling. I'm still not quite sure if I should be putting this up on a blog which i probably gave at least 10 people the URL to. But I guess it's a little late now eh? And maybe this is what it means to have faith and trust. I guess i'm letting my mind just guide my fingers and i'm not even going to bother being mysterious or what not.

Right now. At this moment. I'm struggling with the fact that my parents are fighting. Again. And maybe they've fought to the point where I become numb to it once in a while. But tonight it was different. I sat there watching them, trying to sort it out and finding that I couldn't. And the things that they said were....they didn't seem real. Or they did. But i just haven't computed it yet. Like you always think it's something solid right? that they're always gonna stick through it.

I know people who have parents that are broken up. It happens to a high number of the population. But i'd never expect it in my own household. And I guess it hasn't hit that point. But it's pretty broken.

Which is why I should be praying. hard. because there's nothing else i really know how to do. I don't know how many people might read this blog. Maybe one day someone will stumble upon it. But for now. I guess this is just for me. To put it somewhere. Not to jam it inside some corner of the most desolate part of my heart. But to write it. So that at least it's somewhere.

And if you could do me a favor...could you pray for me? whoever's reading this. I wonder if you believe in God. And if you do...would you please pray for me?
It sounds kind of selfish doesn't it?
I'm sorry.

Thank you. For reading this I guess. For taking time. For listening. If you've gotten to this point. Thank you.

-Chris

Fire

2009-08-04T10:09:00.000-07:00

Her auburn hair traced the pale, gray sky as she stared blankly back at the smoldering rubble in front of her. Just an hour ago, the walls had been filled with a child's pure laughter, chiming as the family gathered in the living room. Tears dripped down her barren face, intertwining with the streams of acid rain that collided with the embers that still burned. As the fire died down, disappearing into the night, so did her heart.
A hand pulled her toward the ambulance and without opposition she followed it. She couldn't take her eyes off the house, still imagining the smell of freshly roasted turkey and her husband's green eyes staring back. Her knees gave away as she approached the bench, suddenly becoming aware of the heavy scars that the rubble had etched into her skin.
Pain shot through her veins and she gave a cry.
For a moment she thought she heard a familiar voice beside her, screaming "Lisa are you alright?"
Her brain incapable of thinking, she nodded her head; an automatic response. More hands gripped her shoulders and she found herself staring into a light. It danced from side to side, reminding her of the chandelier that had hung from the ceiling. Closing her eyes to avoid the lights, she slowly gave into the pain that had hung loosely like a blanket over her body. A small cry brought her back to her senses for just a moment. Her maternal instincts surfaced and then faded with the overpowering sense of exhaustion. She could feel the light flitter of her heart begin to slow down...

Time...

2009-08-01T16:10:00.000-07:00

Hey

So i couldn't quite come up with a title for this post because it's a mix of rambling, thanking and just...random ranting =)

Last night was KNA Arts Cafe and it was amazing because so much happened that was because of God and not because of our own abilities because i know our hearts were all racing ridiculously at 7:30.

But it happened. It happened and it was beautiful. And it was just amazing seeing everything come together and how amazing He works.

For myself, I guess I wasn't feeling so well beforehand. I was a mix of emotions. A lot of emotions. I was kind of sad because I hadn't fully attended all the practices and I'd gone after volunteering at camp and at times it felt half-hearted, like i didn't deserve to be part of the skit or whatnot because i didn't have my heart into it.

And i guess i also felt kind of...lonely?
I guess when we were preparing I didn't feel like I really belonged. Like I never was a very sociable person and so I didn't feel like I fit in really well amongst the PET people or the musical people or the UHS people. Kind of like a drifter.

And I was nervous. Why? Partly because I was going to do this in front of people and i really didn't want to mess up PY's really brave sharing and also i guess...sadly girl issues.

But I guess God really used that and showed me that I'm not really alone and Tim gave a quick "pep talk" before we all hit the stage and I was reminded that it wasn't about me. And it was encouraging and also convicting and so in the end, everything just kind of flowed from one to the other.

I guess I'd like to explain more. To talk more about how am I right now. But I have to go. But i'm glad I typed enough about Arts Cafe. It was really....awesome =)

-Chris

Time to Let it Go

2009-07-28T19:36:00.000-07:00

Hey

I feel like i haven't really blogged/journal-ed in a REALLY long time even though it's probably only been a couple of days.

It feels like the last couple of days have been extraordinarily long and somehow not tiring. Which is an amazing blessing.

So I guess I'll start with...saturday =)
During the beginning of the weekend I kind of started to freak out because well...I guess I felt overwhelmed with Coffeehouse and VBC and more Coffeehouse and AV but it wasn't actually bad. Saturday was pretty fun with the VBC training =)
It was pretty awesome meeting everyone and I guess being able to just have fun and forget about what I'd be doing for the rest of the week. Good distraction =)

But then I still had the whole VBC drama scare and figuring out how to practice with Vince and it was just tiring to think about it. But actually, I was able to just pray with a couple friends afterwards. Funnily, during one of the prayers one of them mentioned us as a group of friends and it's so normal and true but for some reason it'd been so long since i'd said it out loud, it'd always just been...in my head. So that was pretty interesting =)

And then Sunday I had my first time in a long time back in the congregation just sitting there and not having to do anything. I guess at first i was reluctant and I wanted to stay within the AV booth for a couple reasons but after I got kicked out it was...well I haven't done it in a while and it was refreshing I guess. And the speaker was really passionate which was a nice change.

BRB WILL FINISH POST WHEN IT'S NOT SO LATE AT NIGHT!

Time to Remember what's Really Important

2009-07-22T19:01:00.001-07:00

Hey

So I guess I haven't really written in a while. So much for writing everyday. But I guess that's what's nice about blogs. They're always sitting here for you. Not always. Just...most of the time and for a couple years probably.

These past couple days have been kind of hectic in a sense. Today was the first experience of being extremely burned out. In a while at least.

I've had Summer Institute volunteering for the past 3 weeks or so and it's pretty good and good experience just being there and learning the experience of a non-christian camp. I guess it's given me a different perspective. It's also showed me what it's really like to let go of the world's views in front of others. Like it was a struggle and it still kind of is to pray before lunch in front of random volunteers and just to find time to stay connected. Took a short run this morning though. It was break. The air's fresh. Without the sun beating hard on your back. So it's better.

But I came home today from baseball at SI and i had to go to drama practice really fast. So I guess for me that was really stressful and i wasn't able to rest very much and at the practice we had to rush a video for the rules. And i wore a piece of female clothing. And for that period of time i felt so....weird. Well i felt kind of negative about myself . Kind of like I was the biggest fool ever. Why? Partly because of what's been happening for some time now =\ For those of you know who know what i'm talking about...it's the thing i've mentioned before that hasn't really gone away.

And then i had to leave before it all ended.

And so i guess i'm stuck in this place right now where i know i need to let go. I can't fight the hands that are trying to guide me anymore. And i can't seem to fully grasp the concept of grace right now and how i don't really have to be ashamed. And it doesn't matter what other people think. What one person thinks. That latter one is hard to let go of. But i'm going to have to.

Sam showed me a song recently. A line really touched me.

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough

- By your side by Tenth Avenue North

And so I guess i'm kind of at a point of my life where i just need to release and i need to let go. I don't material things. I need to live. I need to love. I need God. I need to let it all go. And only then will I get some real glimpse of life.

Goodnight friends.
-Chris

Time to Breathe

2009-07-17T20:18:00.000-07:00

Hey

So this is technically the first day of blogging.

And I guess I feel...kind of empty. At the moment. Like i'm not quite sure what i'm up to and just...what happened yesterday.

By yesterday I mean fellowship.

So 2 days ago, I went out and sat on a play structure in the open sky and just did my devos there. And I guess I felt so free there, so open to just the world and being able to move. Like doing devos in my room is alright too but there's just something about the way the air smells and just everything about being outside.
So that day went pretty awesome and I guess i felt so up and about and in a sense it was good to feel so exuberant.

But then last night I guess i came home and felt kind of empty because I the night felt kind of disconnected and I felt like there wasn't really any true fellowship. Like I loved the idea of painting and it was really great and it was innovative and new and the idea itself was great it was just that it seemed that within my own group, there was a lack of unity in a sense. Behind me, I know at least 3 people didn't touch the canvas or feel included that much because everyone was having their own conversations. And I know i'm to blame for this as much as anyone.

But when I think about the night as a whole. The WHOLE night, there were some pretty amazing things that happened. In chronological order, the first would have to be weeding. That was some pretty awesome fun =). Mostly with Freddy, Nat and it was just some good times. And also, I guess I really liked how the worship went for the night. It felt so pure and old school andI guess that's something to be happy about.

So overall, last night was alright. Took some time, but after sitting and breathing and i guess reflecting upon it, it got better.

And so today I awoke to a beautiful day outside and started my day off with a nice bike ride followed by some music and there was some strange parts of that but in the end, I guess it ended up going alright. I just hope she's alright now.

The sun glows high above in the sky and despite the wind, it still brings a sense of security and ther's not much to worry about is there?
So as it stands, I'm just going to go out and do whatever happens and just pray it just...lives. =)

I've always wanted to say over and out =P

-My Unspoken Words

Time to Clean this Old House

2009-07-16T19:44:00.000-07:00

Hey.

So this is my first blog post. For my second blog. =)
I guess you might be wondering where my first blog is. It's kind of just like a rant screen. Which i guess is good seeing as typing them in word documents just doesn't seem to work as well as seeing it in a blog with pretty font and i guess that's a secondary reason. I guess the main reason is that it's just...easier to share with other people.

So first I'll start with the name of the blog. I was reading through Matthew 11:30 and this was the verse in The Message translation and it kind of struck me. First the word unforced was really...i don't know. I guess that's a word that should hit me a little because i feel like lately some of the things i do are kind of forced. Not like i force myself to love but it's that it just doesn't come fully naturally and fully out of expression of worship to God and just loving Him. And the use of rhythms makes it sound...just so amazing because it makes me think of music and this kind of like flowing image. Grace flows down. Something like that. I think it's a song title =). I digress. Haha learned that from Amanda.

So a couple people asked me if they could read my blog after I made it yesterday. And my first response was kind of hesitant. I wasn't quite sure what to say. It was like a giant rant and some of things...i guess i didn't feel like i was ready to say yet. So this is...basically the same posts except maybe a couple things are cut out. But trust me. Not that much. So here it is. =)

So here I am, in the midst of summer, supposedly the best days of the year and yet i don't know what to feel. I'm kind of stuck somewhere. Not really. Maybe. I'm not quite sure.

So this year i decided to be the head of VBC Drama and i wasn't quite sure what i was thinking when i accepted it. Maybe i was thinking about the amazing experience i had last year. And maybe i was thinking about serving God. Hopefully the latter one was the first priority in my head but as of recently i guess I feel like i haven't been serving or looking deeper into him at all. Like i have time. But i'm not spending it doing very much. Or at least not something I feel God has really called me to do.

So if anyone somehow stumbles onto this, i guess i've never written a blog before so i don't know how to write one. I'm just rambling.

Maybe at the core of it all i feel pretty useless and helpless and pretty stagnant in everything i'm doing. Like everything. I'm in the drama team and i'm supposed to be leading it and writing scripts but i feel like the scripts aren't very good and I can't really lead. Today we had a practice and i guess it felt kind of good just releasing but i still felt trapped. Not necessarily trapped but just...unable.

I guess there's a topic that needs to be addressed because it's something that's been going on for a while. There's a girl. I know eh? So unoriginal. It's almost like there always seems to be a girl that trips me up and i can't seem to fully commit myself to everything but not saying she herself is a bad person. I guess in some cases, I've come to realize that it's not all bad. To be honest, some really amazing times of fellowship have come out of it and it's not all like me being dumb all the time as sometimes i guess i seem to exaggerate. I guess this summer i had mixed feelings about it. I would see her a lot. A lot. Like almost 4 days a week. And that might not seem like a lot considering that i see her maybe 2-3 hours each of those days. But it feels like forever. And for those 2-3 short hours. I'm always wondering. Wondering what's happening. Wondering what she's thinking. Wondering if she's alright. And maybe the latter isn't bad but i feel like it's caused me to go out of whack.

I had VBC Drama Pracitce today. And i guess i didn't feel very fully prepared and my mind was kind of...i guess on other things. Sad to say. And so the entire time i wasn't able to fully think and my script was kind of bad. And i forgot to pray. Pray at the beginning, end and the middle and just pray in general. I forgot to pray.

So i guess back to that problem. I should probably wrap that one up before tackling another one. So right now I guess I'm always distracted. And i did some thinking last night. And i guess i've come to this conclusion for a while now. I don't want a girlfriend. Figured that one out a while back. But i wasn't quite sure what was going on with this girl because it's been like almost a year since it started back in summer of last year. And it's strange because it's like i just want to get to know her, to talk to her, and yet there's some weirdo feelings mixed up in that. Not sicko perverted feelings but just...weird ones. Jealousy somewhere mixed in. And a lot of....i don't know. I really don't. Sadly. And so I'm not quite sure what more there is to say about it. I don't know what i'm doing these days. Sometimes i see her. and it's just ridiculous what happens inside my brain. I can't seem to fully concentrate on what I'm doing. And I always think about how i look and i don't understand it. Because I don't want a girlfriend. And so i don't see the need of impressing anyone. Except somehow it still happens. And it's terribly frustrating. Frustrating and helpless. Which i guess leads to the next topic i need to address in my life.

God.

To the passing onlooker i guess it may seem like a fuzzy subject. Or one not preferred. But it is in my life. Recently I've been reading the gospel of Matthew and the book Crazy Love and they're both so convicting. Like God's just almost speaking to me in every chapter and it's just like....i feel like i've failed to be what He wants me to be and I don't know how to change that. I was talking to Tim a while back. And he told me it starts with the inward change. And i guess i feel like i've been feeling that. But it's like i haven't whole heartedly been spending my time focusing on God and putting him in my life. And as hard as it's suppoed to be. I have time. I have the resources. I have the life to do it. But sadly it never seems to happen. I get caught up doing things that mean nothing. And the sad thing is i know they mean nothing. But i do them anyways. Watching TV at like 11 at night when i should be in bed. Or reading His word.

And I guess this is where the concept of Grace takes over. But it's like i haven't really realized that yet. Like i have to relearn Love and Grace. Like 1 corinthians. Taking the time to look at it all again. All of it. But that's where the excuse of time comes into play. And it's like i'm scared of breaking the norm that i've been trapped in for so long. Matthew says to spend your whole life on God. Not to think that spending just a couple minutes or an hour with God a day is going to make your relationship healthy and good. That's half hearted and unwilling and it's like i don't know the real God enough because if I did I think i'd be absolutely adoring Him and giving up everything to be with Him. Or that's what Matthew says.

And so this is the end of my first post.
I think it's kind of long.
But we'll see.
How it all goes.
I don't know how my relationship with God will change.
But i know it needs to.
For my own sake. And because I can't love God and try to stick with the world's norms at the same time.

-My Unspoken Words